John SchneiderYou feel something. They don’t. You want something. They don’t. You try, you show up, you’re available, and they say, “Let’s just be friends.” Ugh!
The “friend zone” has thwarted many a would-be lover.
The friend zone can become the danger-zone if it’s not treated with caution. For the would-be lover, every glance, slightest nicety, and hint of attraction (valid or otherwise) are always seen as prospects for a hopeful future.
All too often, unfortunately, such hopes are dashed and hearts crushed when the would-be lover’s prospect finds prospects elsewhere.
Five areas within the friend zone can make it the danger-zone.
Proceed with caution.
Friends in the friend zone aren’t friends with benefits.
One of the benefits of being single for many is the opportunity to mingle sexually. In today’s more sexually open culture, people choose to be single for longer and enjoy the benefits of having friends with benefits.
Two adults who don’t want a relationship but are sexually active can be a match made in heaven. That is, as long as both sexual partners stay on the same relationships/sexual plain. For someone stuck against their will in the friend zone, a night of benefits can be too confusing to let the friendship last.
Don’t merge the friend zone with benefits.
Friends in the friend zone don’t expect a free dinner.
We’re still ironing out gender norms. For that reason, deciding who pays for what is a little more confusing today than it used to be.
To each their own, of course, but it’s not fair to expect a would-be lover stuck in the friend zone to pay for nights. The occasional treat may be okay, but when it starts to feel like a relationship, act like a relationship, and look like a relationship, then the friend zone is disrupted. It becomes a one-sided relationship.
Friends in the friend zone should be sure to keep the friendship equitable to not confuse the would-be lover. You need to pay as much as you let the other person pay.
Friends in the friend zone aren’t rebounds.
Having a would-be lover in the friend zone is nice. It boosts confidence and can fuel the ego. It’s a safe space. It can also feel like a place of refuge when your relationship with your significant other goes south. When one relationship repels you, you’re often attracted to the relationship of least resistance.
Unfortunately, a one-night stand for you can confuse for a friend stuck in the friend zone. Therefore, find your rebounds and one-night stands in other zones. Otherwise, you’ll find yourself with more than one strained relationship and make repairing either too hard.
Friends in the friend zone don’t replace partners.
Having the advantage of a friendship doesn’t mean you can take advantage of your friends, especially those in the friend zone.
If you start to feel like your friend in the friend zone is becoming your go-to friend, a BFF of sorts, they may start to interpret your friendship as more — or begin to resent whatever relationship there is.
When one person wants more than another, lines can become easily blurred. It’s up to the one who established the lines not to cross them.
Friends in the friend zone aren’t like other friends.
Friends in the friend zone are special friends who can quickly be taken advantage of and feel taken advantage of by the would-be love. We all have who would bury a body for us if we needed and who wouldn’t expect anything in return – well, except maybe a good bottle of whiskey.
Friends in the friend zone aren’t that kind of friend because they may feel deserving of more than a bottle of whiskey.
Should they expect anything in return for small favors? No, but people in the friend zone can easily see what’s not there because they want to see what they want to see.
Every relationship and every kind of relationship has its own boundaries. Staying within those boundaries, especially when you’re put contrary to your desires, can be hard. When you’re the one who sets those boundaries, it’s important to not cross them.
Like what you’ve read?
