Before Gary Chapman published The 5 Love Languages in 1995 partners have been struggling to try and decipher each other.
“Why does she touch me like that?”
“Why won’t he touch me like that?”
“Why does she say those things?”
“Why doesn’t he stop talking?”
The arrival of a manual helped couples learn how to better communicate. After all, the way we communicate love differs from person to person. You might need a translator to ensure that you and your partner aren’t constantly unhappy due to misunderstandings.
On one hand, it may seem ideal to have a partner who has the same love language as you. On the other, it could lead to a boring, one-dimensional relationship.
To be fair, though, having a partner with a different love language is a challenge. You both want certain things that the other may not be able to give — or they just may not understand what you’re asking for.
It doesn’t have to be that way. Better understanding your partner’s love language can lead to better communication. When you start to speak your partner’s love language, they’ll start to speak yours. Then, you have better communication, which leads to more happiness — and more and better sex.
That’s when it gets fun. Speaking your partner’s love language doesn’t have to suck. It can prove very rewarding for both of you. So, let’s better understand each of the languages of love.
Language of affirmations.
The best three words in the world to hear are, “I have wine.” The second best three words are “I love you.” This is especially true for people who speak the love language of affirmations.
Speaking this language may be the easiest of all, and words aren’t necessarily required to speak this language. Sure, a quiet “I love you” whispered in the ear in morning is nice. Those can never be discounted – not even if you don’t speak the love language of affirmations.
However, a simple text mid-day that says, “How’s your day?” does wonders. “I’ve been thinking about you” will send them through the roof. Go to Hallmark.com and send your word-affirming partner an e-card telling them how you feel, and you’ll be the week’s biggest winner.
Satisfying a person who desires words of affirmations only requires remembering to say, send, write or text a thoughtful sentence once in a while.
Language of quality time.
Lovers who speak the love language of quality time love spending time with their partner – whatever they’re doing, regardless of what they’re doing. This can be anything from lying in bed to watching a movie to spending the day at a theme park.
The time spent together can be easy or complex. It doesn’t matter. Personally, this is my second strongest love language. Whether we’re binging Netflix, each working our own jobs in the same room, or drinking wine on our balcony, I love simply spending time with the person I love.
The best combination of partners may just be those who prefer quality time and those who prefer touch because hours spent touching each other makes both partners happy. Maybe as important as matching yourself with a partner who fits with your astrological sign is matching with a partner who fits your language of love.
Language of touch.
We’re all familiar with the love language of touch. If you were an alien who did nothing but watch television and movies on your first visit to earth, you’d think touch was the only love language of your new human friends.
The love language of touch isn’t only about lovemaking. This kind of language includes holding hands, snuggling on the couch, spooning in bed, running your fingers through your partner’s hair, massages, and more.
These people love holding hands. They appreciate a kiss on the forehead. Of course, don’t discount the sexual touching. Never. Discount. Sex.
Touching this person the right way at the right time will never suck, but . . .
Language of gifts.
You may think that lovers who speak the language of gifts keep the economy going, but that’s not entirely true. It’s also not true that those speaking this love language are materialistic. Gifts for these lovers don’t need to be expensive or even bought. They simply need to be thoughtful.
The person who speaks the love language of gifts want to know someone – you – care for them. This can be done with small gestures, such as a homemade card, a flower picked on your way home, a kiss wrapped with a bow on it.
Give a thoughtful gift to this person and they’ll shower you with all the love they can give.
Language of service.
The person who speaks the language of love isn’t looking for a Lady in Waiting or a Gentleman of the Bedchamber (here). This person appreciates when their love does for them something they can do for themselves.
This one hits home. I love cleanliness. I love when my condo is spotless. I love when there are no dishes in the sink. I love, love, love clean sheet night.
Not long ago, our Mini Cooper was filthy. Denver had a bunch of snow, and with the snow, sludge, and de-icers our Mini was a mess. When the roads and weather permitted, my husband had our car thoroughly cleaned inside and out. I was the happiest driver on the road, and this half hour and $30 investment showed me a special kind of love.
The language of service, however, is not all about cleaning. It’s holding the door open. It’s picking up the laundry. It’s making dinner. It’s taking the kids out of the house, so your partner can soak in the tub and read a good book in quiet.
Show the love of service with your partner and your lover is sure to stick with you through thick and thin.
As you can see, your S.O.’s love language doesn’t suck when you understand the kind of love they need. In fact, giving your lover the love they need will give you the love you need.