Your wedding day is a big deal. Some even say it’s the most important day of your life.
With reality TV shows like TLC’s Say Yes to the Dress and ABC’s The Bachelorette, it seems like everywhere we go people have wedding fever — and most of those people are brides. (Sidebar: what’s up with the Bachelor and Bachelorette never having people of color as the main love interest? I’m just saying.)
Anyway, our culture places the focus of the wedding day on the bride, her wishes, her wedding dress, and her family. We even coined the term “bridezilla” for extremely self-absorbed brides.
But what about the groom? I can’t help but wonder how often brides actually take their groom’s opinion into consideration. Since I married a “groomzilla,” that definitely wasn’t an issue.
Although it seems traditional for the bride to plan everything for the big day, from the flowers to the music, there’s nothing in the wedding rule book that says the groom can’t help out. Unless you’re my husband. He thinks he should be in charge of planning everything.
There’s a scene from the popular TV sitcom Friends where Monica and Chandler are planning their wedding. Monica says to him, “Just stick to your job.” When someone asks Chandler what his job is he replies, “Staying out of the way.” But it doesn’t have to be that way. Who says the wedding day can’t be special for both of you? Who says men haven’t also been planning their wedding since they could walk? No one.
Here are four ways to compromise with your partner to make your wedding special for both of you:
Ask his opinion.
Often grooms want to stay out of the way in fear of running afoul of their bridezilla. If you want him to help plan or take care of some of the tasks, an easy way to let him know his efforts are welcome is to ask his opinion.
Ask him about the cake flavor and photographer. His answer may be “Whatever you think is best honey. I just want you to be happy.” That may be true, and he may not want to give an opinion, but at least you asked and he can’t hold it over your head later.
Give him tasks.
Delegating some of the work when planning your wedding can help make the whole experience much better and less stressful. After all, this is the first day of the rest of your lives together. Why not make it a joint effort?
Ask your husband-to-be which tasks he would like to help out with and give him things to do. Not in a bossy way, but in an it’s-not-all-about-me kind of way. Even if you really don’t want him to help, it’s always a good idea to make him feel like he’s made a real contribution. My hubby liked pointing to things that I made at the wedding so I’m sure that yours will like pointing to things he did as well.
Make an effort to include him.
If you want to include your groom in the wedding planning, schedule appointments at mutually convenient times. Don’t expect him to drop everything to meet you for dance lessons or to choose centerpieces. Instead, ask him if he has free time and book appointments that fit both your schedules.
It’s probably a bad idea to force your sweetheart to do things that he won’t enjoy, such as picking out your bridesmaids dresses, but he may want to help choose the food, the venue, or the music. You never know until you ask. My groom wasn’t really into the planning until we toured the venue. Suddenly, his inner groomzilla arrived on the scene. Be prepared for that too.
Take his opinion into consideration.
You may have been planning your wedding since you were in elementary school, but that was probably before you met your fiancé. If he has an opinion on the colors or music take it into consideration. Give it serious thought.
If it means a lot to him, it should be important to you. That’s how to compromise. It may not be exactly how you planned, but at the end of the day you have your groom and this is the beginning to your happily ever after. If you can’t compromise on the details of your wedding, this is a foreshadowing of your ability to compromise on many other things that occur after the wedding.
Honestly, at the end of the day, it’s about the two of you and your families coming together to celebrate your union. Don’t sweat the small stuff.