Some people love falling in love and being with just one person.
Then, there are the people who love to “hit it and quit it.”
We don’t think much about another category. This third category of dating is evident when you’re just not as excited about the person you’re with. You’ve been clear about it and they just don’t seem to be getting the message.
You’re just not that into them.
And you certainly don’t want a long-term relationship.
The fun beginning.
In the beginning, it was great to have someone to do something with.
After all, normally you’re at home with the cat or the dog. On the one time you ventured outside of your home, you ended up meeting someone.
They seemed really nice until you went out to eat dinner and you were appalled by their table manners and how they treated the wait staff. At this point, you’re kind of turned off. But, you continue to hang out anyway, even though you’re just not that into them.
Trust me, this is a recipe for disaster.
If you’re not sure about how all of this will play out check out the following movie: He’s Just Not That Into You. It’s basically the Cliff Notes of what to look out for when you’re confused by what your boo is doing.
You’re a pretty nice person (you think) so you decide to cool it off because they aren’t the one for you. But, they just don’t seem to be getting the message.
What to do?
There’s nothing worse than being strung along in a one-sided relationship.
As kindly as possible tell them the truth. It’s not you, it’s me.
List all of the reason why you’re just not the right person for them or why you’re just not in the place to date them. Maybe you’re just not ready for a long-term relationship.
When you have this conversation, don’t leave the door open for confusion. Be clear that there is no possibility for you to be together in the future. Ever.
The real story.
We’re all adults here.
So the next one is all about asserting your awesome sexual self.
Maybe it has been a long time since you had sex. Your temporary partner fits your booty call requirements but not your long-term bae needs. Be clear that you just wanted to “hit it and quit it” and that nothing was going to happen beyond that.
Don’t be cruel, though. You may be the best that they’ve ever had, so understand why your persistent lover may be unwilling to get the hint, especially if they have been hoping for a long-term relationship.
Don’t be mean about saying you’re not the one for them, but do be firm about the fact that you are moving on and that you won’t be moving on with them.
Don’t be stupid.
It’s at this point when the dumper sometimes makes some ill-thought out mistakes.
One of the worst mistakes is taking back the annoying previous lover because you just got tired of them bugging you (which was probably what they were hoping for).
Don’t do this. It just creates an endless cycle of crazy that you are a willing participant in. You said you don’t want a long-term relationship with this person, so don’t encourage them.
Don’t accept any gifts your old bae wants to give you. It’s confusing to them and inconsistent with the message that you’re moving on.
Things to keep in mind as you press forward.
When it’s time to communicate with the persistent person who just doesn’t want to let you go, take a look at the entire situation.
Are they acting crazy? If that’s the case you need to keep your safety in mind and let your friends and family know that you’re becoming concerned about the situation.
Trust your gut. Do you feel like your safety is threatened because they just can’t let you go or they don’t seem to be responding to the message that you’re communicating? Get law enforcement involved if you feel like your safety is at risk.
Finally, if you’re not dealing with someone who is crazy but just not picking up on your message, don’t be mean. Ghosting? Not cool. The slow-fade? Not so cool either.
Just balls it up, meet for coffee, and get it done.
Finally, don’t feel guilty about moving on.
We have all been on both sides of the dating coin. It’s a natural part of the dating process. Sometimes the person is just not right for you and that’s ok. Like the Bachelor, there is always another person out there waiting in the wings to find you.
Create that space by letting go of relationships that just aren’t working. That way you will be able to welcome the amazing new person in your life.
That might be the right person for you.