Zina Kumok, Author at Adulting

Whether you plan a long relationship or a short partnership, you want your family to approve of bae. Get your family on board. Read More...

Tweet18

Share1

19 Shares

Zina Kumok

The disapproving in-laws have been a cliché for a very, very long time.

If you searched through ancient Greek scrolls or Mesopotamian clay tablets, you’d probably find a joke or two about someone’s hypercritical mother-in-law. It’s natural for parents to be protective of their offspring, and not surprising when those urges carry over well into a child’s adulthood.

Even though it’s understandable, that over-protective nature can be a relationship killer, both for the parents’ relationship with their child and the child’s relationship with their significant other. There comes a time to let go and allow children the agency to make their own decisions. Some parents never really learn that.

You want your parents to like your S.O., so it makes sense to do your best to bring them together. Or at least tolerate each other. Here’s how to help your parents find the potential in bae:

Talk to them.

This might seem obvious, but it’s worth mentioning. Your parents might have unfounded reasons for disliking your significant other, but you won’t know unless you ask.

Sit down with them and say, “It seems like you don’t really care for my partner. Is there something you want to discuss?” Maybe they’re concerned your boyfriend can’t hold a job for more than a few months, or that your girlfriend never tries to initiate a conversation with them. Before you can fix their relationship, you have to learn why it’s strained.

Examine their reasons.

Sometimes parents have a unique way of sensing a bad relationship before it sours. Maybe they see something you can’t, or have a gut feeling stemming from years of life experience.

Before you write off their attitude towards your significant other, consider things from their point of view. Is there truth to what they’re saying? Are you glossing over unsavory aspects of your partner’s character? Talk to some close friends and get their opinion, as they can lend some perspective to the situation.

Nip it in the bud.

Parents often come around after a while, but sometimes those attitudes take root and are hard to change. “My spouse and I have been married for over 30 years, and my parents-in-law (now in their 80s) are still not sure this relationship is going to work out,” said blogger Doug Nordman of The Military Guide. Try to talk to your parents as soon as possible, before their ideas can solidify. Talking to them early on might not eradicate the problem, but at least you can make it clear that their disapproval hurts you.

Try to talk to your parents as soon as possible, before their ideas can solidify. Talking to them early on might not eradicate the problem, but at least you can make it clear that their disapproval hurts you.

Plus, getting to them early allows you to point out the potential in bae. You can help them see the good aspects of your partner.

Step in.

Whoever has the problematic parents should take responsibility to curb inappropriate behavior when it happens. If your mother starts questioning your wife about how much she’s working or how she cooks, it’s up to you to step in. It’s easier for parents to listen to their child than their child’s spouse, and it will reassure your spouse that you have their back.

You have to be a team. As long as your partnership lasts, it’s vital that you present a united front.

Limit contact.

Until your parents change their behavior, you might have to limit how often you see, speak with, or visit them. Limiting contact is one of the few ways you can prove how hurt you are, and how seriously you take your relationship. This can be done for an indefinite amount of time, or until the parents in question agree to make amends with your partner — or at least attempt to see the potential in bae.

Be respectful, but firm.

Anytime you disagree with your parents, whether it’s about the person you’re dating or where you’re going for dinner that night, you should be polite but firm.

Snide comments or rude behavior will only make you look like a child throwing a fit. Try to stay calm, don’t raise your voice and keep your argument succinct. The more mature you act, the more seriously your parents will take you. Take the high road even if they start making personal attacks.

Remember how it feels.

Nordman said he and his wife are still hurt by her parents’ disapproval of their relationship, but they’ve used that lesson to be supportive of their daughter and her spouse.

Parents, he said, should never get a vote on if your significant other is good enough. “If that significant other is important to the happiness of their adult children, then parents should be glad that their child has found happiness and maybe even love,” he said.

Live life on your own terms.

If you’ve done everything you can to resolve the rift, then it’s time to stop worrying about what your parents think.

You can only change someone’s mind if they’re willing to let their opinion change – not a common trait in older generations.

Nordman said three decades of fighting with his in-laws has been painful, but it’s taught him to not worry about what they think. “Humans want the love and support of our parents, and estrangement is painful,” he said. “We deal with it by reminding ourselves that it’s their problem, not ours.”

Like what you’ve read?

Join other #adults who receive free weekly updates.

For a limited time you’ll receive our new book, The Best Bank Accounts for Adults, when you sign up!

Travel doesn’t cost as much as you think. Especially if you use credit card rewards programs to reduce the cost. Read More...

Tweet22

Share3

25 Shares

Zina Kumok

When my husband and I got married, we didn’t exactly have a lot of money to throw around.

We weren’t poor by any means, but our idea of a honeymoon was leaning more towards a relaxing weekend at the family cabin than a transatlantic tour of Europe and the UK.

Thankfully, my then-fiance and I had been racking up points on a credit card with a travel rewards program.

Before I even started to come up with honeymoon ideas, we’d earned enough mileage to fly to London and Croatia for free.

Instead of heating up s’mores in the microwave and burning through a pile of DVDs, we were exploring ancient palaces and stuffing ourselves with Croatian seafood. It was perfect.

Travel rewards are a slam dunk, as long as you’re responsible enough to reap the benefits. If you’re looking to adventure on the cheap, here’s how to find the best credit card for you and use credit cards to travel.

Examine your credit.

If you want to start earning airline or hotel points, you have to see if your credit is good enough to qualify for the best credit card rewards programs.

The most lucrative cards often require credit scores of 750 or higher, although some will approve people with scores between 620 and 749.

You can get an idea of your credit score for free through sites like Credit Karma or Credit Sesame.

Don’t like what you see? Look at your credit report to see what’s dragging you down. It might be a high debt-to-income ratio, frequent late payments, or large credit utilization. Work on improving your score before you apply.

If you already have a credit card, pay off the balance each month in full and on time. Doing so regularly for a few months will boost your credit score.

Choose the right card for you.

Almost every airline and hotel company has their own credit card, so it’s easy to find one that fits your needs.

Before you sign up for any cards, research which one makes the most sense for you. If your local airport is mainly a hub for Southwest, it doesn’t make sense to sign up for the United Airlines card.

Many consumers apply for cards based on their initial sign-up bonus. Often signing bonuses are worth at least one round-trip domestic flight.

These bonuses usually require users to spend a certain amount within three months to qualify. Some of these cards only ask that you spend $1,000 in three months, but others demand you spend closer to $3,000 or $4,000 in three months to receive the bonus.

A family of four could probably spend that amount easily, but it’s much harder for a single person. It’s a waste to sign up for a card when you won’t be able to earn the bonus.

Also, it’s not worthwhile to carry a balance on a card just to get the extra points. Travel cards often have higher interest rates, and it’s never worth the free trip if you wind up in credit card debt.

Do the research.

Credit card travel expert Brad Barrett of Richmond Savers said the best airline deals come with traditional frequent flyer miles, but they also sell out the fastest. The key to maximizing any credit card reward is to be adaptable in your plans.

“If they can’t be flexible with their dates, and that often means even plus or minus a few days, then it will be very difficult to use traditional frequent flyer miles,” he said.

Every card has its pros and cons, but some are better than others. One of the perennial favorites is the Chase Sapphire Preferred, which offers 50,000 bonus points that can be redeemed through almost any airline. Another popular option is the Southwest Rapid Rewards card, which has a

One of the perennial favorites is the Chase Sapphire Preferred, which offers 50,000 bonus points that can be redeemed through almost any airline. Another popular option is the Southwest Rapid Rewards card, which has a 40,000-mile bonus. Flights through Southwest can cost as little as 2,000 points, giving you great bang for your buck.

Barrett’s other favorite picks include the Capital One Venture and Barclaycard Arrival Plus, “which allow you to buy the travel with your credit card like normal and then log in after the fact to redeem your ‘miles’ to wipe the expense off your credit card statement.”

For hotels, Barrett loves the Starwood and Hyatt cards, “since they allow you to use your points to book any ‘Standard’ room they have available.”

“Most hotels aren’t at full occupancy, so you can almost always use your points, even on last-minute stays,” he said.

Read the fine print.

You have to pay taxes and fees when you travel, even if you book your flight for free. Taxes for domestic flights are usually less than $20. However, those taxes and fees can cost more than $100 for an international flight. Don’t forget to include this cost when budgeting for your trip.

Used to traveling at the last minute? Reward flights have to be booked months in advance or you’ll face staggering prices (like 40,000 points for a flight that usually costs 20,000).

Stay on top of your credit rewards.

When you use credit cards to travel, you can build up points for your next trip. Many cards give you double points on your travel, helping you earn rewards faster.

Pay attention to how you are earning points. Use your points to book free airfare, free hotel rooms, and get discounts on rental cars.

You might be surprised at how cheap travel becomes when you use your rewards credit cards.

Like what you’ve read?

Join other #adults who receive free weekly updates.

For a limited time you’ll receive our new book, The Best Bank Accounts for Adults, when you sign up!

Outgoing introversion: it’s actually a thing. Here’s what you need to know if you are an introvert, but still a little on the outgoing side. Read More...

Tweet19

Pin8

Share10

37 Shares

Zina Kumok

This article was written by Zina’s husband Sam Leffers. He has experience with the challenges that come when you’re an outgoing introvert.

Do you ever crave social interaction while alone, and alone time while socializing? Do you look forward to parties or events, only to end up leaving early? Do you constantly swing between being a rock star and a party pooper?

Don’t worry, there’s nothing wrong with you – clinically, at least. You’re just a walking, talking contradiction. You fit the confusing archetype known as the outgoing introvert.

How can an introvert be outgoing?

Telling someone you’re an introvert can be a gamble. You might get lucky and meet someone who understands the distinction. But more often than not you’ll be labeled as shy, quiet, or downright antisocial.

Most people don’t understand introversion. The term has been around for nearly a century, but it’s often confused for social anxiety or misanthropy – something that annoys introverts to no end.

In reality, introversion has nothing to do with a fear of crowds or a distaste for others. It’s entirely about energy consumption and replenishment. An extrovert gains energy from interacting, socializing and being around people, while those same actions can leave an introvert drained. An introvert recharges by spending time alone, where an extrovert just loses steam.

That distinction is pretty cut and dry, but almost nobody fits completely into one camp or the other. Like most psychological traits, it falls on a spectrum. Some people lean almost completely towards one side or the other, while some land directly in the middle.

While introverts may need a little more “me time,” they absolutely can and do enjoy interacting with others. That’s where the struggle of the outgoing introvert begins.

You want to be with people and alone at the same time.

Imagine that right now, this instant, you became lactose intolerant. Maybe you don’t have to. Would you stop enjoying the taste of ice cream? Of course you wouldn’t. Being intolerant to lactose doesn’t change how the rocky road tastes. But you’d be dealing with a world of pain if you ate too much.

It’s the same for an outgoing introvert. They may want nothing more than to hang out at the bar with their friends, but they’ll be dealing with more than just an alcohol hangover the next day.

If they stay in, they’ll spend the whole night wondering how much fun everyone else is having. They constantly have to gauge when they’ve had enough socializing and need to go home. If they stay out past that time, it’ll be worse than when Cinderella broke curfew.

No one believes you’re an introvert.

When you tell the average person to imagine an introvert, they’ll conjure up images of social misfits, shy bookworms, and anxious wallflowers. Believe it or not, an introvert can be a natural leader, the life of the party, or a class clown.

If someone in this position tells a friend or coworker they need some space, they’ll probably be met with one of the following:

“You can’t be an introvert. You’re so friendly!”

“You don’t need to be alone, that’s depressing! Let’s grab a coffee to cheer you up.”

“Are you sure? Jane is an introvert, and you guys are nothing alike.”

This leads to a lot of hiding out in storage closets, searching for secret lunch spots and leaving through the back door at parties.

Such is the life of an outgoing introvert. Other introverts who are less social might scoff at your ability to be comfortable around groups of people while claiming to be an introvert.

You constantly need to enforce boundaries.

If you’re an introvert, you’re probably also a good listener. That makes you a magnet for people who like to gab, gossip and hang out. If you also like to socialize, you’ll probably end up meeting a lot of extroverts who feel drawn to that open-eared charm.

That’s not always a good thing.

It’s great to make new friends, but introverts tend to have a lower threshold for how many relationships they can take on.

Their actions may be confusing and contradictory to some – charming and conversational in person, but reluctant to make plans or deepen a friendship. If you find yourself receiving and turning down a lot of invites, this article might be about you.

You run out of steam quickly.

When an introvert crashes from too much social stimulation, it’s not pretty. An outgoing introvert is constantly riding that wave. They may be cracking jokes and telling stories in the break room one minute, only to end up grumpy and ill-mannered before the lunch break is up.

For them, interaction is like exercise. Most people don’t gradually lose stamina throughout the course of a run – they tend to feel fine right up until they hit a wall and fall apart. If you notice an introvert has hit their wall, you’ll want to exit the area – quickly.

Know yourself and what you can handle.

If you now realize that you’re an outgoing introvert, it’s time to make sure you can handle your social interactions.

Pay attention to what drains you. Be upfront with your loved ones about what you need. It can be confusing for people who don’t understand the situation to know how to react to you.

In fact, you might just be learning how to handle your needs and react to the situation. But, now that you know what’s going on, and that this whole outgoing introversion is a Thing, you can adjust your own expectations and help those around you understand you as well.

Are you an introvert or an extrovert? Where do you fall on the spectrum? Let us know by joining the conversation in the #Adulting community on Facebook.

Like what you’ve read?

Join other #adults who receive free weekly updates.

For a limited time you’ll receive our new book, The Best Bank Accounts for Adults, when you sign up!

Freelancing is totally everything it’s cracked up to be. But it also comes with unexpected shittiness at times. Know what you’re getting into. Read More...

Tweet24

Share5

29 Shares

Zina Kumok

Just about everyone fantasizes about freelancing at some point.

When the daily grind is wearing you down and the stress of office culture is driving you crazy, you start to wonder what a career with no strings actually looks like.

Here’s the honest truth: it’s great. Also, it’s terrible. Sometimes it’s just okay.

Just like anything else in life.

More than anything, freelancing is a mixed bag. The lack of structure can be freeing, frustrating, and confounding.

The sense of agency can be empowering and terrifying at the same time. You can wake up some days feeling like a giant and go to bed feeling like a mouse – and vice versa.

I’ve been a full-time freelancer for several years now. Here’s the honest truth about freelancing. The best parts and the worst parts.

The good.

Having more flexibility in my workday is the best part of freelancing. At any point in a day, my husband and I can go for a hike, drive to Costco, or catch a movie. As long as I’m caught up on work, I’ll say yes.

Working for yourself allows for more freedom than any other job. You can take off as much time as you want and work when you need to. Many freelancers choose to work while they’re traveling, so they can stay longer and travel more often.

“Last year I was able to live in Chicago and Ann Arbor for a little over a month, and I plan to be away for two months this summer,” said freelance writer Jackie Lam of Cheapsters.

A few months ago, my husband and I got a puppy. We already had a dog – a lazy Beagle mix who mostly slept all day – but our new puppy needed lots of exercise and constant attention. The other day I realized that if one of us wasn’t working at home, we wouldn’t have been able to properly care for her. I can’t imagine not having Naga in my life. Freelancing made that happen.

Freelancing also lets you choose projects based on what you care about, not what your boss wants you to do. Valerie Rind, the author of “Gold Diggers and Deadbeat Dads,” said freelance writing gives her the chance to stretch her limits and learn more about an issue she’s interested in.

“Instead of writing about the same topic, I try to accept assignments even if I don’t know much (or anything) about the subject matter,” she said.

Most of the time, for me at least, the truth about freelancing is that it’s awesome. But there are times it’s not super-great. And you need to know that before you ditch your job and jump into the world of freelancing.

The bad.

Most employees get paid every two weeks. No matter how well their company is doing, they still see a regular paycheck.

Not so for freelancers. How much you earn is dependent on not only how hard you work, but also on factors outside of your control. A client goes on vacation for a month and doesn’t need your services? You’re the one who has to scramble for work. Need surgery and can’t work for a few weeks? You’ll have to cover your own expenses.

Plus, the work is variable. Unless you have a steady stream of clients, freelancing can swing from feast to famine very quickly. One month you’ll earn more than you ever have, the next you’ll be living off of your emergency fund.

“Freelancing can test your character for sure,” said writer Melanie Lockert of Dear Debt. “The good times can have you feeling on top of the world, and the low times can have you questioning everything in your life.”

When I receive a lot of edits from a picky client or get all my carefully crafted pitches denied, I start thinking, “Maybe I’m not cut out for this.” Pushing through those rough times requires more mental fortitude than I ever needed in a day job.

The ugly.

Here they come. The things you really need to know about freelancing before you get started.

When you work for yourself, there’s no one else there to give you encouragement, praise, or guidance. There’s no annual review where you can find out what your strengths and weaknesses are and how to improve. It’s just you.

“If you want to grow, you have to push yourself,” Lam said. “No boss is going to hand you a raise or give you a promotion.”

One of the worst aspects of freelancing is chasing down vendors who pay late. Once, I waited five months for a client to pay a $3,800 invoice.

When I reached out to my contact, he told me the company had shut down. I had to call all over the place to get someone to write me a check. Some clients also balk at my late fee, even when I’ve been waiting two months to get paid.

Another pet peeve is working by myself. I miss having co-workers to talk to when I need a break or a boss to bounce ideas off. I do work with my husband, but he prefers solitude when working. I’m an extrovert, and it took me a few months to get used to being inside my house all day.

Are you ready to freelance?

There’s no doubt I love freelancing. This has been a great lifestyle for me. And it might work for you, too. But before you dive in, it’s good to know the truth about freelancing so you aren’t taken off guard by some of the challenges.

Like what you’ve read?

Join other #adults who receive free weekly updates.

For a limited time you’ll receive our new book, The Best Bank Accounts for Adults, when you sign up!

Just because your finances suck today doesn’t mean they have to suck tomorrow. You can figure out what’s wrong and fix it. Read More...

Tweet29

Pin9

Share13

51 Shares

Zina Kumok

Let’s face it. Your finances suck.

It’s ok, most people are in a similar position.

Staying perfectly on top of your budget, your investments, your income, and your expenses is like trying to juggle flaming chainsaws while brewing a cup of tea.

But much like juggling, balancing your financial responsibilities can be done. It just takes knowledge, practice and a little finesse.

Here are some of the problems holding you back from money greatness and what you can do about them.

You aren’t willing to change.

During my time as a personal finance blogger and writer, I’ve offered financial coaching on the side. I’ve counseled people who made $10 an hour and those who earned six figures a year. Before coaching, I thought the main problem most people faced was a lack of income.

Turns out I was wrong.

The biggest reason for my clients’ success was a willingness to change and improve financial habits – and vice versa. If you aren’t willing to eat out less, move to a cheaper apartment or find a part-time job, there’s not much I can do for you.

If you really want to pay off your credit card balance and don’t have enough in your current budget to do it, the answer is simple: change your lifestyle. If you refuse to do that, you’re just like an alcoholic who won’t admit they have a problem.

If this is you, don’t feel ashamed. Addictive spending is very real, and moving forward isn’t about bringing yourself down – it’s about realizing you have the power to build yourself up.

What to do: Change is hard, so start slow. If you eat out for lunch every day, try bringing in leftovers a couple times a week. If you often order take-out, make a big dinner to last you for a few days. As you get accustomed to your new lifestyle, each change will feel less and less noticeable.

You aren’t sure where the money’s going.

When I was a college senior, I decided I would start budgeting to prepare myself for “the real world.” I allocated $80 a month toward eating out, which averaged about one meal a week.

In two weeks, I had blown through my self-imposed limit. I called my mom, confused as to how I could have spent that money so quickly. She suggested I go through my bank statement to see where my money was going.

I was shocked at what I found. I was spending $150 a month on eating out and more than $200 on groceries. How was I spending so much on food without realizing it?

That’s when I learned the power of tracking my expenses.

If you don’t know where your money is going, you can’t control it. Like most people in this situation, I was consistently underestimating how much meals, groceries and other expenses were costing me. Once I started tallying those numbers, there was no excuse to overspend.

Any time I coach people on budgeting, I have them go through their bank and credit card accounts to add up how much they actually spend. Most people are surprised to find out how much they’re really spending compared to what they thought.

What to do about it: Find a tracking system that works for you. I use Mint.com, but others like the You Need a Budget software or the old-fashioned pen-and-paper method. Track every purchase you make, even if it’s $1.50 for a Coke at a gas station. Little purchases add up, especially when you’re unaware of your spending.

You want to live like your friends.

Peer pressure is a powerful behavioral catalyst. A 2016 study from Ryerson University in Toronto found that people who surround themselves with less-frugal friends tend to spend more.

Even when I was committed to paying off my student loans early, I had trouble saying no when I was out with my girlfriends. If I promised myself I’d avoid ordering food or more than one drink, I had trouble saying no if the people around me were doing it.

It can be even worse if your friends are encouraging you to overspend in other aspects of your life, like housing, transportation or traveling. That’s not even mentioning the inherent pressure that comes from comparing your lifestyle to friends who live extravagantly.

So how do you combat peer pressure without dropping your social circle?

What to do about it: If you’re going out, bring cash so you won’t spend more than you want to. Suggest having drinks at someone’s house instead of happy hour or a potluck in place of a restaurant dinner.

Tell your friends about your financial goals and how you’re trying to change. Some might be feeling the same way, but are too embarrassed to say anything.

And what if they start throwing shade? Well, those probably aren’t friends you want to keep around.

Bottom line.

There are some things we can’t change about how we got to our current place. But you can influence what happens next. Pinpoint the reasons behind your current problem. Acknowledge the reasons you suck at money.

And then take steps to make a change. It’s not always easy. It’s not always fun. But in the long run you’ll be happier — and have more money.

What’s your biggest money struggle? How are you working to overcome it? Let us know in the #Adulting Facebook community and see if you can find a few ideas you can use.

Like what you’ve read?

Join other #adults who receive free weekly updates.

For a limited time you’ll receive our new book, The Best Bank Accounts for Adults, when you sign up!

O.K. That seems a little crazy. But does it really matter how messed up it is if you make some extra money? Read More...

Tweet24

Share4

28 Shares

Zina Kumok

Whether you want to pay off debt, save for a new car or travel around the world, one of the best ways to fulfill your financial goals is to earn more money.

But if you’ve asked for a raise or tried to look for a new job without success, it might be time to start a side hustle.

A side hustle can help you earn money while allowing you to maintain your regular job. Plus, many of these gigs have flexible hours so you can work around the schedule you have at your real job.

If you need more money, you can ramp up the work. If you want to take a break, you can do that too.

And if you’re ready to make bank, you might be surprised at how many strange niches you can fill. Here are some of the weird side gigs you can do and still make decent money:

Give plasma.

I started selling my plasma in college when I was a senior.

Graduation was near, and I needed money so I could afford to stay in town while doing an unpaid internship.

It was easy work. Lay down, get poked with a needle and sit for an hour while the machines collect your plasma. The room was cold, and even though I never did anything productive while I was in the chair, I made decent money.

Most plasma centers offer between $20 and $50 per donation and some even provide bonuses if you come at least a certain amount per month. They usually require that you weigh at least 110 pounds and have no major health issues.

Sell used underwear.

Ever have a pair of used panties that you throw away because they’re too small or because they have holes in them?

Instead of tossing those undies, try selling them online. There’s a huge market for used underwear.

It’s true.

Costs can range from $30 to $75 depending on the type of underwear, how long you’ve worn it and whether you’re willing to include photos of you wearing it. Some girls buy briefs in bulk so they can maximize their profit.

Everyone has their thing. If you aren’t creeped out at the thought of someone drooling over your undies, this can be a legit way to make money.

Yard sales.

When was the last time you went to a yard sale? If you’ve been to one recently, you were probably looking for something you could buy for yourself. But some people go to yard sales to shop for items they can resell elsewhere.

It might seem like a little bit normal in terms of other weird side gigs you could be doing, but going to yard sales as a business can still raise a few eyebrows.

Your possible profit depends on what you find, the condition it’s in, if you can fix it, and what it’s worth now. Finding a Waterford crystal vase is unlikely, but you can score some kid’s football gear that can be resold.

Rent out a room on Airbnb.

Many people have made renting out their house on Airbnb a successful side hustle. But most do it when they’re on vacation or if they move out.

What about renting out a room while you live there?

It seems a little weird to let strangers hang with you while you’re at home, but it’s a way you can make money all the time — not just when you’re out of town.

Having a boarder was common a few decades ago, when being single meant you couldn’t afford a whole apartment or house. Nowadays, you can rent out a spare room, air mattress, or couch on Airbnb and similar sites.

Depending on your location, city, and amenities, you can make more than $100 a night.

Not bad for one of those weird side gigs that requires you to entertain complete strangers.

Thumbtack.

Everyone has a skill. Some people like dog sitting, others are champion green thumbs. No matter what you specialize in, you can find a gig on Thumbtack.

Thumbtack is a hub for anyone peddling a skill. My husband found his piano teacher on Thumbtack by posting what he was looking for. I found suggestions for house cleaners.

To start working, you have to create a profile and respond to jobs when they’re posted.

It can be hard to get started if you have no reviews, so I recommend charging low prices until you get a few solid testimonials. It sucks, but you can start raising your prices as soon as you are recognized as an expert.

Online surveys.

This option is best if you work at a job with computer access and lots of downtime, or if you want something to do at home besides browse Netflix.

I did this while I was paying off my student loans until I found more profitable freelance work.

I used a Reddit forum to find the best surveys, usually $1 for a few minutes. This sounds paltry, and it was. But there are no requirements for startup money, no huge time sink, and no restrictions.

According to Amazon’s reports, I made $242 in 2012. If you work a job where you have lots of downtime and computer access, it’s not a bad way to earn a few bucks.

Plus, there are ways to make even more if you join a site like Inspired Opinions. Sometimes, you can qualify to take part in focus groups for $50 to $75 an hour.

Sell advertising space on your car.

Ever seen those cars with tacky ads plastered all over them?

Well, some of those are business owners trying to drive their brands, but sometimes it’s regular people trying to make a buck. Carvertise is one startup that pairs companies with eligible drivers.

In the realm of weird side gigs, this one can be a bit taxing. After all, your car is an extension of who you are. It’s hard to plaster it with ads.

You have to be at least 21, drive 800 miles a month, and have a 2005 car or newer. According to the FAQ, you could make $100 a month.

That’s not bad, for just doing what you normally do around town.

What other interesting ways have you heard of to make money? Let us know about your favorite weird side gigs in the comments, or by visiting the #Adulting community on Facebook.

Like what you’ve read?

Join other #adults who receive free weekly updates.

For a limited time you’ll receive our new book, The Best Bank Accounts for Adults, when you sign up!

Fighting with your S.O. and constantly exchanging verbal barbs is a quick way to a short, unhappy relationship. Get beyond that. Read More...

Tweet21

Pin9

Share4

34 Shares

Zina Kumok

Relationships are all about communication.

Deep bonds don’t form from nothing. They’re a result of a continuing exchange of ideas, emotions, and synergistic thinking. Even people who don’t share a common language can find ways to meaningfully interact.

If communicating is central to forming relationships, why is it so damn hard? The fact is, human minds are so unique that finding common ground can be like putting together a puzzle without a picture of the finished product.

That’s why long-term relationships are so special. When you spend enough time with someone, you can start to see how your personalities fit together harmoniously – or not so harmoniously. Sometimes you can see that the puzzle pieces fit, but struggle to put them together.

Ready to get beyond the drama? Here are some ideas for solving communication problems with your significant other.

Aim to understand.

One of the most frustrating moments in a fight is when one or both people aren’t listening to the other. It’s impossible to solve a disagreement if you’re not trying to see your partner’s point of view.

Your goal during an argument should be to understand your partner better and find some common ground. Learning how your partner thinks and feels is the key to a closer bond.

Too often, we treat the situation as if the goal is winning. Once you’re in that mindset, you both end up losers.

Solution: When your partner is talking during a fight, concentrate on what they’re saying and not how you want to respond. No matter how inane or illogical you think their argument is, try to listen before you say anything.

Let your guard down.

Getting defensive is a natural response if your partner brings up a difficult topic.

Does anyone really feel comfortable discussing something difficult, even with the person they love?

But defensiveness can close you off from the conversation. Instead of hearing what your partner is saying, you’ll only hear your skewed interpretation of what they really mean. If your husband tells you, “You forgot to take out the trash again,” you might hear, “You’re so irresponsible and don’t do enough around the house.”

Solution: Don’t project your own feelings onto what your partner is saying. It’s not fair to assume you know what they’re saying, and it can only lead to more discord.

When your partner is talking, listen to only what they’re saying. Get away from what you’re feeling. If you need to, repeat it back to them so you clearly understand. Then, calmly respond to the statement they made or question they asked.

Don’t use “all or nothing” language.

When trying to win an argument, you want to present the strongest case possible. But you have to stick to the facts. If you exaggerate or overstate something, it’s hard for the other person to take you seriously.

It’s also unfair to generalize your partner’s behavior as all-around bad. Behavior exists on a gray spectrum, and living in a black-and-white world during a fight reduces their actions to a trope.

Plus, you shouldn’t be trying to “win” anyway. This should be an exchange of ideas with the intent to understand.

Solution: Don’t use words like “always” and “never” in an argument. It’s easy for your significant other to argue against that, because there’s always an exception. Those types of words can and will make them make feel defensive.

Solving communication problems is about helping each other understand, not forcing each other into semantic battles.

Don’t wait until the last minute.

Communicating with your significant other is like taking out the trash. If you wait until the bag is overfilled, it’s harder to get it out the container. You find yourself wishing you’d dealt with it sooner.

When you get upset at your partner, bring it up that day. If you wait, the issue can fester and rot like the trash in my analogy. The sooner you broach the issue, the less upset you’ll be.

Solution: Bringing problems is hard to do and easy to avoid. Practice saying something beforehand so you feel more confident in your message.

You can try writing a script before you talk to your partner, or ask a friend how you could better phrase the issue. After doing this a few times, you’ll see that mentioning something in the beginning is much easier than waiting until you’re ready to explode.

Avoid name-calling.

Some people assume it doesn’t matter what they say in the heat of the moment as long as they apologize for it later. But apologies are like knee replacements: they temporarily fix the problem but don’t erase the damage.

Name-calling can be tempting when you’re in a screaming match, but doing so can lead to hurt feelings and resentment that isn’t so temporary. Your partner might never really forget the day you called her a stupid bitch.

This does nothing when it comes to solving communication problems.

Solution: If staying cool during a fight is too hard, take a walk alone and collect your thoughts. If your partner name-calls, don’t try to one up their comment. Use that moment to explain that you don’t appreciate what they said, or find it helpful.

It’s never easy to work through these issues. However, if you want a better relationship, solving communication problems with your partner is vital. Otherwise, you end up in a situation where you end up with someone you hate — or you break up to get away from the problems.

Like what you’ve read?

Join other #adults who receive free weekly updates.

For a limited time you’ll receive our new book, The Best Bank Accounts for Adults, when you sign up!

Living the dream as your own boss? Don’t let it become a budgeting nightmare. Stay on top of things when you have a variable income. Read More...

Tweet23

Share2

25 Shares

Zina Kumok

When former cubicle-jockeys switch to a freelance career, it’s almost always in pursuit of one elusive goal: freedom.

But with that freedom comes uncertainty. Many newly self-employed individuals find themselves missing the income consistency that came with their old gig.

But variable income doesn’t have to mean a dubious financial situation. There are a few methods you can use to create the consistency you’re looking for. This allows for the kind of stability you’d enjoy at an office job.

Here’s how I manage my own variable income:

Calculate how much you need.

Living on a variable income is stressful if you’re also living in the dark. If you don’t know how much you need to survive, how can you know if you’re budgeting correctly?

Go through your spending and add up your necessary expenses, including rent, groceries, gas, utilities, debt payments and other bills.

Then divide that number by 75% to calculate your target income.

That will be the minimum you need to earn each month. Anything left over can be used for discretionary spending or saving.

Live on last month’s revenue.

While salaried individuals know how much they’re going to bring in every month, people living on a variable income have no clue.

A long-term client could take an extended vacation or an assignment might be delayed indefinitely. One of my favorite ways to combat this uncertainty is to live on last month’s invoices.

If you grossed $3,000 last month, then you can only spend $3,000 this month — even if you project to make $4,500 this month.

This budgeting philosophy is all about spending the money you have, not the money you think will have. After all, things can and will go wrong every month. The technique also eases your cash flow, since many freelancers don’t get paid until 30 days after they’ve submitted an invoice.

Save most of your surplus.

A friend of mine who worked in the dance industry once told me about a mentor who would go designer shopping every time she got a choreography gig. These jobs paid exceedingly more than teaching gigs and left her with more cash than she was used to.

Instead of saving that dough, she’d go shopping for name-brand purses and clothes. I was shocked when I heard that story, but not surprised. It’s human nature to go on a shopping spree when you land a big windfall. However, budgeting responsibly (especially on a variable income) is all about denying those urges.

It’s ok to celebrate a new client or big project as long as you’re tucking some of it away for a rainy day. Try to save between 70% and 80% of your surplus income and enjoy the rest responsibly.

Keep an emergency fund.

Everyone who works for themselves has a slow period where the work seems to dry up. You can plan ahead for these months by having a larger-than-normal emergency fund.

I keep a six-month emergency fund since my husband and I are both self-employed. Having half a year’s worth of expenses keeps us afloat during the off-season. It’s a good buffer to have and prevents me from picking up a McDonald’s application when the work starts to dwindle.

Multiply your baseline income by how many months you want to save for. Most people with variable income should have between six months and a year’s worth of bills saved in an emergency fund.

Make your expenses the same every month.

One of my favorite ways to regulate my finances has been budget billing for our utilities. Most gas, water, and electric companies allow you to pay the same amount every month instead of the amount you use.

Having budget billing has simplified my finances since I know our water bill will be static, no matter the season. I don’t have to worry about high gas statements in the winter or AC costs in the summer. Contact your energy company to see if they offer this service.

Look for other ways to normalize your bills so that you have the same expenses each month.

Save by percentage, not dollar amount.

Writer Jackie Lam of Cheapsters became a freelancer after she got laid off at her full-time gig. To make the transition smoother, she started saving a percentage of what’s left over after she’s paid the bills, instead of a specific dollar amount.

For example, instead of saving $200 a month for a vacation, she sets aside 5% of her budget. Using percentages makes it easier to hit her savings goals, even if she hasn’t had the most productive month.

In busy times, she might save more than $200, and during slowdowns she might only save $100. That percentage tends to average out over the year.

It’s a way to feel a little more secure and avoid feeling like a failure if you don’t hit a set dollar amount.

Be your own CEO.

If you really miss the stability of office life, consider paying yourself a salary. Once you’ve calculated your baseline, it’s simple enough to choose a stable wage to take going forward. Overage income can be applied to your savings, while consistently coming in under budget can be a warning sign that it’s time to take a pay cut.

This isn’t exactly the most efficient method listed, but it can take a lot of psychological weight off of planning your finances. It’s simple. Pay yourself a little less than you typically make and save the rest.

Do you live on a variable income? How do you make it work? What’s your favorite budgeting technique? Let us know in the #Adulting community on Facebook.

Like what you’ve read?

Join other #adults who receive free weekly updates.

For a limited time you’ll receive our new book, The Best Bank Accounts for Adults, when you sign up!

Don’t sabotage your relationship with trash talk about your S.O. No matter how tempted you are to rag on your partner, keep it to yourself. Read More...

Tweet22

Pin3

Share88

113 Shares

Zina Kumok

It’s a common TV and movie trope: there’s a woman sitting around with her girlfriends complaining about her husband. Each woman takes a turn talking bad about her man, all the while refusing to talk to him about it.

While it looks like harmless fun, this behavior is actually destructive for relationships.

Talking crap about your S.O. isn’t a fun pastime to do with your best friends. It’s a toxic habit that can destroy the foundation of your relationship.

Talk to your spouse, not about them.

You reinforce negative opinions.

You ever notice that the more you complain about something, the more negative you feel about it?

I’ve noticed there’s a huge difference between how I feel about something depending on if I’ve ranted about it for an hour or if I’ve simply let it go. Every sentence I say reinforces the negative thoughts in my head.

Marriage is also susceptible to negative talk. The more you complain about your spouse, the more your brain will reinforce those opinions — and the harder it will be to see anything positive.

If you want to have a happy marriage (or any relationship), you can’t inflate the negativity.

It’s O.K. to ask for advice from your friends. But it’s another thing altogether to trash talk your S.O.

Remember: this is the person you chose to be with. If you have respect for them and your relationship, you should keep quiet.

You make other people dislike your spouse.

Have you ever had a friend share something bad about their partner? What was it like the next time you saw them together? Did you think about what they’d told you? Were you able to look at the person the same way?

Every time you complain about your spouse to your friends or family members, you tarnish their perception of your partner.

Not only are you hurting your own opinion of your spouse, but you’re also ruining their relationships with other people without them knowing it.

That isn’t fair to your spouse, especially if you’re not bragging about them getting a raise at work or making a delicious cheesecake.

You’ll hurt their feelings.

Everyone has experienced finding out that someone they trusted was talking bad about them behind their back.

I can still remember every time someone close to me has done this. Imagine how your S.O. would feel if they found out what you were saying? Would they feel hurt, embarrassed, angry, ashamed?

If you think your spouse wouldn’t mind what you’re saying, then go ahead.

But if you have even the smallest inkling that your words could hurt them, you should stop. Long-term relationships are built on trust, and knowing that your partner is betraying you behind your back could destroy it completely.

When you get married, you enter a partnership that it’ll be you two against the world. Don’t break that agreement with trash talk.

It doesn’t help you figure it out.

There have been a few times when talking about my relationship problems with a friend has helped me see my husband’s point of view.

But unless you’re actively looking for a solution or a way to understand what they’re thinking, talking openly can make it worse.

The next time you feel tempted to dish about your S.O., question your motives. Are you trying to get an honest perspective from your friends or do you want someone to agree with you? Are you looking to see their point of view or for someone else to shit talk?

If you do get a friend’s advice and they disagree with what you’re thinking, don’t try to convince them. They might be seeing things from your partner’s point of view.

Talking crap to talk crap doesn’t help you work through the relationship issues. Any committed relationship takes work. And you don’t need to make that work harder.

What to do instead.

When I’m feeling upset, the first thing I turn to is my journal.

Writing out how I feel is the easiest way to let out my emotions without them affecting anyone else. I try to write down specifically why I’m feeling upset and then examine if what’s bothering me is worth bringing up.

If you’re having trouble articulating your problems, talking to a counselor can help. You can see one individually or as a couple. An objective third party can help you decipher what’s going on and how you can fix it together.

Anyone struggling to avoid complaining about their spouse should tell their friends why they’re trying to avoid it. Asking other people to help keep you accountable can make it easier to stay on track. Plus, it might help your friends to avoid repeating the habit.

If you’re complaining about the same topics, it’s likely time you discussed them with your spouse.

It’s easier to let them stay in the dark about what’s bothering you, but that’s a fast way to build a marriage full of secrets and lies. And that’s not a relationship that’s fulfilling on any level.

Like what you’ve read?

Join other #adults who receive free weekly updates.

For a limited time you’ll receive our new book, The Best Bank Accounts for Adults, when you sign up!

Sweet tooth out of control? It’s time to show your teeth who’s boss. Try these tips for getting over your sugar cravings. Read More...

Tweet20

Pin13

Share7

40 Shares

Zina Kumok

Research shows eating too much sugar leads to heart disease, diabetes, and other diseases.

Sugar has overtaken fat and carbs as the ingredient to avoid in food. Most of us know drinking a Diet Coke and eating a box of Chips Ahoy isn’t good for us, but we still do it.

Why?

Because sugar is addicting. Some scientists say it works like cocaine and other drugs, targeting the dopamine-releasing centers in your brain. Sugar makes you feel good in the moment and bad in the long-term.

What can you do if you’re trying to improve your health and cut back on that sweet stuff? Read below for our best tips on battling your sweet tooth:

Wait 15 minutes.

When that craving hits your brain, suddenly all you can think about is feeding your addiction. It can be an all-consuming feeling, but the key to breaking out of your addiction is to avoid giving in.

Tell yourself that you’ll have to wait at least 15 minutes before you satisfy your sweet tooth. During that break, your brain will have time to think about how you promised to get better and how crappy you’d feel if you relented. Many people find that after 15 minutes have passed, they don’t even remember the intense craving they had.

Keep a food journal.

When you feel like heading to the snack machine or your closest convenience store, take a second and stop.

Instead of giving in to your urges, keep a notebook with you to write down how you feel when those cravings arrive. Remind yourself why you decided to cut back on sugar and what your goals are.

When we have a craving, we’re determined to fulfill a short-term need. It’s like scratching a mosquito bite. It feels better in the moment, but afterward you just want to keep scratching.

A food journal can help you remember why you’re saying no to your sweet tooth and keep your long-term goal in mind.

Avoid buying it.

Creating a new habit requires a lot of willpower that’s often in short supply. Instead of counting on yourself to always make the right decision, you have to start making it easier for yourself. Case in point: avoid buying sugary items.

If you buy a packet of Oreos, then every time you want to have some, you’ll be forcing your brain to make a difficult decision. A box of Oreos represents at least a few times you’ll have to decide between breaking your diet and staying on track.

The best way to avoid that scenario? Don’t buy the Oreos in the first place. Not buying the Oreos in the first place helps you avoid being forced to make a decision about them later.

Reach for fruit.

Research says that there’s little difference between the sugar found in fruit and junk food. However, fruit usually contains essential fiber that will slow down how fast your body processes the sugar.

Instead of eating a Little Debbie snack, grab some fresh strawberries or cut up a banana. It’s a lot harder to binge on fruit than it is on Hostess snacks. Satisfy your sweet tooth with something healthier.

Combine it with protein.

You don’t have to give up sugar entirely to stay within your diet. But one way to decrease the effect more sugar can have is to pair a sweet treat with protein. If you want a piece of chocolate, have some almonds or walnuts with it. Pair a cookie with a glass of whole milk, which has more protein and Vitamin D than skim or 2%.

Protein will fill you up more and prevent you from eating five brownie bites. Peanut butter and almond butter are also good additions to some chocolate chips or ice cream. Your sweet tooth gets a little love, but isn’t taking over.

Avoid peer pressure.

The people around you will likely notice if you’re trying to change your eating. Some might criticize you and say things like, “One cookie isn’t going to kill you.”

It’s easy to give into peer pressure, especially if you feel uncomfortable or are in a workplace setting. But those people aren’t looking out for your best interests; they’re just trying to feel better about their own choices. When they see someone who’s making better decisions, they get insecure and want to tear that person down.

Instead, find someone you know who has a similar goal. You can help each other stay on track and vent when your cubicle neighbor is harassing you about eating their homemade brownies.

Eat mindfully.

When we eat something we crave, we likely hoover it down. Instead, try eating as slowly as possible and concentrating on what you’re ingesting. Eating mindfully has been shown to reduce overeating because it helps you appreciate the food you have.

This piece of advice might seem a little “woo woo,” but it can help you realize you only need one candy bar, not five.

Plus, the slower you eat, the more time your stomach has to truly signal that you are getting full.

In the end, we really are what we eat. So try not to eat so much crap.