Stop following the resolution cycle of setting goals, slipping up, and feeling like a failure for the rest of the year. Here’s how to live a fulfilling life year-round. Read More...

After a meeting at a Denver breakfast house earlier this month, I took Lyft home. The driver and I had an inspiring chat.

She asked me if I had any New Year’s Resolutions. I said, “No. I’m not opposed to making New Year’s Resolutions, but I try to improve every day.”

She said, “Oh, that’s nice! I already broke my New Year’s Resolutions with a chocolate muffin this morning.” She wasn’t trying to lose weight. She was trying to “be healthier.”

It was January 3rd.

Are you caught up in the resolution cycle?

It’s true: I’m not opposed to New Year’s Resolutions. I think a new year is a great time to commit to self-improvement.

Even though January 1st only has the meaning we give it and “the first day of the year” was chosen by Pope Gregory XIII in 1582 to save Easter, it’s an opportunity for a new beginning. It’s a clear and decisive split between the past and the future.

It’s logical that people want to improve. It’s logical to commit to better behaviors when the calendar offers a convenient new beginning.

Other logical times to make improvements are birthdays and anniversaries. Spring, a time of rebirth that both the Gregorian Reforms and pagans honor, is another good time to review and recommit to better living.

Additionally, when you reach a point of catalyst in your life, it can make sense to resolve to change. By catalyst, I mean when you’ve reached a tipping point, are maxed out, or are fed up with how things are.

Unfortunately, these types of markers also lead to difficulty in sticking with the changes. You set goals at that time, slip up, and feel like a failure. But you don’t do anything until the next calendar marker. It’s the resolution cycle.

Fed up with life.

After spending a weekend in Winter Park, Colorado with a college friend of mine, my husband and I looked at property to buy.

We love Winter Park and this weekend trip reaffirmed our love for Winter Park. We thought it would be great to have a vacation home not far from our main residence for long weekends and quick getaways.

On our way out of town that Sunday, we fantasized about buying land and building our vacation home. As we headed out of town, we saw a sign that read “Winter Park: Elevation 9,121 feet.” We were immersed in our fantasy as we crested the top of the pass.

And then, the descent.

As we drove through Estes Park, elevation 7,500 feet, our conversation went from buying land and building a house to just buying a house or condo. We realized buying land and building was a bit out of our ability.

We passed through Boulder, elevation 5,430 feet, and our conversation went from not being able to buy a house or condo to probably not being able to rent a place. We reached Denver, elevation 5,130 feet, and we finally admitted to ourselves that we were financial messes.

We pulled up to our home, opened the door and walked down the flight of steps into our basement apartment. Our apartment was so dark in the winter that you couldn’t tell what time of day it was by looking out the window. We were physically, financially, and emotionally in a hole.

Our combined credit card debt was $51,000. That’s a 20% down payment on a $255,000 house, or the cost of a nice car. We were paying $10,000 a year in credit card interest charges. That’s a few nice vacations every year.

This was our catalyst. We were fed up with life. We didn’t know how or when, but we decided then and there to become debt free.

Time to make a change.

This catalyst didn’t happen on New Year’s Day, on either of our birthdays, our anniversary, the first day of spring or Easter Sunday. It was a random fall Sunday. There were leaves on trees and a dusting of snow on the ground.

It was no beginning or end, but it was what we needed to make a change we never achieved with the resolution cycle associated with the “new year, new year” strategy.

By then, I had my credit card debt for seven years. My husband had his for 17 years. Not until we were fed up – had our catalyst – did we take the necessary measures to become debt free.

Over the course of the next few months, we did some soul-searching to learn how we got ourselves into that mess and how we would get out.

Two-and-a-half years later we were debt free. Within the next year, we were the owners of a condo in a high-rise that overlooks the city of Denver and the Rocky Mountains.

We’re two of the last people in Denver to see the sunset every day.

There were many steps we had to take to pay off our debt. We implemented all the traditional advice:

  • Budget
  • Create a debt payment plan
  • Cut back our spending

There was one critical step that helped us more than anything else, though. It was the only step that let us to achieve what, to that point, had been unachievable as part of the resolution cycle.

We figured out what we wanted and why we wanted it.

The power is in your want.

Jim Rohn said, “When you know what you want, and want it bad enough, you will find a way to get it.” Up until this point, we were spending and living unconsciously. Even though we were two thirty-something financial services professionals helping other people with their money, we weren’t living authentically.

Up until this point, we were spending and living unconsciously. Even though we were two thirty-something financial services professionals helping other people with their money, we weren’t living authentically.

We couldn’t explain why we ate out several times a week, despite several unconscious trips to the grocery store each week. We didn’t see the contradiction in wearing $600 jeans and missing credit card payments.

It didn’t strike us as ironic or stupid that we wanted to buy land and build a vacation home when we were living paycheck to paycheck in a friend’s basement apartment.

Only when we were clear about what we really wanted in life and why we wanted those things did we get our lives in order.

It’s wasn’t enough to know what we wanted. We had to know the why as well.

When we’re clear with what we want, we have focus. And it has nothing to do with the resolution cycle. It’s knowing why we want it that inspires us. Your want is the match. Your why is the spark.

During those times when it felt like we’d never see a “$0” on our credit card statements or when we had pent up demand to splurge, it was our wants and whys that helped us persevere.

How to break the resolution cycle.

My advice for breaking the resolution cycle and improving year-round, no matter your goal, is to know what you truly want and why you want it.

Only when you’ve peeled back the layers of your desires to their deepest core can you stop worrying about the cycle of setting resolutions and failing. Once you can answer your whys and wants, you can make improvements all year round, without worrying about setting resolutions at an arbitrary time of year.

No fad, gimmick, or date will help you until you know your why.

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Should you delay having kids until you can afford it? How do you know when the time is right? Read More...

Once in a while, we present Adulting.tv LIVE! Stay tuned to hear about future events, and share your questions about or suggestions for our next discussions!

If you’re young, you are more likely to wait longer to take on typical adult responsibilities than previous generations. Having children is one aspect of life that is being put off. Is the delay due to more uncertain finances? Should you wait until you feel you can afford to raise children before having them?

Sandy Smith joins Adulting.tv LIVE! for this discussion. Sandy created her blog, “Yes, I Am Cheap,” to help her climb out of $120,000 of debt. She has also created a 30-day challenge, #HustleCrew, to help you start your side hustle.

Related: Why don’t you have kids already?

Watch the video above or listen to just the audio by using the player below.

Hosted byHarlan Landes and Miranda Marquit
Produced byadulting.tv
Edited and mixed bySteven Flato
Music bybensound.com

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We’ve all had to move at some point. Here’s how to handle moving day like a boss. Read More...

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Have you moved recently?

Maybe you are considering making a move soon.

Today, the average person has moved six times by the time s/he turns 30. Moving day is never fun, but it’s something you’ll have to face at some point — and probably more than once.

As you get ready to make a move, though, things can be difficult and expensive. We provide an honest look at what it takes to move, and what you can expect as moving day approaches.

Concepts

  • When does it make sense to move?
  • Sometimes it doesn’t make sense to move, even you hope to “start fresh.”
  • How to pack up your belongings so it’s easier to distribute them when you get to your new place.
  • How to decide whether to go full-service, DIY, or use a hybrid approach.
  • Tips for getting rid of things ahead of moving day.
  • Pitfalls to be aware of when you use movers.

Use the “do nows” to start getting organized for moving day. We look at strategies you can use now to make sure nothing gets left behind.

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Resources

How many times does the average person move?
Hosted byHarlan Landes and Miranda Marquit
Produced byadulting.tv
Edited and mixed bySteve Stewart
Music bybensound.com

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Looking for a few good books? We’ll help you find 12! Join the Adulting.tv Reading Challenge and read at least one book a month in 2017. Read More...

Over the last few weeks, I’ve written about why it’s important to read, how you can find time to read, and even provided you with a comprehensive (yet not exclusive) list of important and life-changing books to read.

If you can’t tell, I think books are pretty important. So I’m challenging you, in 2017, to up your reading game.

You can do it by setting a goal for the total amount of books you want to read. (If you use Goodreads, it makes it incredibly easy to track.) You can do it by committing to reading one book outside of your preferred genre. You can do it by reading every single day — don’t break the chain.

Or, if you want, you can do it by joining our first ever Adulting.tv Reading Challenge 2017!

Disclosure: Adulting.tv may be compensated if you take action after visiting certain links in this article at no cost to you. We stand by our editorial integrity and would not be linking to or discussing this topic if we didn’t believe it was in the best interest of you, our audience.

What’s the Adulting.tv Reading Challenge?

The Adulting.tv Reading Challenge, or ARC2017, is a year-long challenge designed to encourage Adulting readers to read more books.

Rather than give you specific books to read because a) this isn’t school and b) we’re all adults who can make our own choices, we’re giving you a list of topics and suggestions.

Here are the topics.

JANUARY: A book about politics or current events
FEBRUARY: A memoir
MARCH: A finance book
APRIL: A translated book
MAY: A classic book
JUNE: A banned book
JULY: A book written before 1950
AUGUST: A book of short stories or essays
SEPTEMBER: A book about a historical event
OCTOBER: A book over 500 pages
NOVEMBER: A book under 150 pages
DECEMBER: A self-improvement book

You do not have to read the books in the order the topics are listed. The month names are here just to guide you, if you choose. You can start with the one you want to read the most and work your way down. You can start with the one that you’re least looking forward to reading and work your way up. You can start randomly in the middle. Doesn’t matter at all. There’s no right or wrong way to do this. And, you can start any time!

How you pick your books is up to you. There are plenty of lists you can browse, you can crowdsource options, you can tweet me (@saysjana) and I’ll be happy to give you a suggestion or two, or you can ask a librarian. Anything you want. It’s your choice.

If you want to combine a couple of the categories into one book, you can. For instance, you can use Dale Carnegie’s How to Win Friends & Influence People for May or July. Or you can use Stieg Larsson’s The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo for April or October. It’s okay. We’re flexible!

Join the Adulting.tv Reading Challenge!

You can absolutely do this challenge on your own without checking in with us. We’re not going to come after you if you don’t. But part of the fun is talking to other participants so if you want to do that, here’s what you do:

First, review the topics and make a list of what you plan to read. Please note that these selections are not set in stone, you can change them any time you want, and, if you find yourself hating your selection, stop reading it! Life is too short to read books you don’t enjoy. Then pick something else for that category.

Also, you do not have to buy any books. You can use the library, borrow from a friend, read what’s on your shelf, or any other economical way you can think of to find books.

We picked 12 so you’re only reading one book a month. If you regularly read more than that, add one of these to your rotation. If you’re not a regular reader, this is a good place to start. (In fact, the average person only reads about 10 books a year so this puts you above average.)

Second, share your list! Share it on Instagram or Twitter or whatever social media makes you happy. Make sure to use the #adultingreads hashtag so we can find you.

Third, join the #Adulting Community on Facebook. About once a month, we’ll post a question asking how you guys are progressing through the challenge.

We want to know about the book you’ve read and how you like them. The monthly book discussion is a great way to engage with your fellow readers and maybe get some ideas for future reads. We’ll even have prizes throughout the year within these discussions..

Fourth, read the books!

That’s all there is to it.

Remember, this is a challenge, not a competition. We want you to read harder, smarter, and more often. It doesn’t matter who gets through their list first or if you’re the last one across the finish line. Or even if you don’t complete your list. All that matters is that you’re reading.

P.S. I still haven’t finished my list but when I do, I’ll be sharing it with the #Adulting Community on Facebook so make sure you join us!

Editor’s note: Feel free to share this using the graphic below to spread the word about the Adulting.tv Reading Challenge. If you’re a blogger, look for the badge at the top of this article. You are free to use the badge on your own website. Share a post about what you are reading!

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Did you receive participation trophies as a child? That’s not an excuse to avoid responsibility for your character. Read More...

We’re dealing with an epidemic. 

It’s one that’s received a lot of attention for all the wrong reasons.

What’s the epidemic?

It’s an extreme lack of character and the expectation that everyone should win in every situation.

Nope. That’s not how life happens.

Participation trophies galore.

As I kid I received participation trophies or ribbons. I remember running a one-mile race at my elementary school in Boulder, Colorado (bastion of all that is crunchy) and receiving a ribbon for participating.

That acknowledgment of my participation is only that, an acknowledgment that I was there and finished what I did.

That’s about it.

The lessons that people fear aren’t being communicated during these acknowledgments:

  • Life is hard.
  • You lose sometimes.
  • Life gives and takes unexpectedly.

Those lessons come to us all — Millennials, Gen-Xers, and all others — as time moves by. However, those lessons arrive at different moments, when you least expect it.

That is how life works.

Can you win (or lose) with grace?

Perhaps the problem people are really concerned about is a general inability to manage moments when they don’t win (or lose) with grace.

We just came out of a brutal election season.

I hope we never have an election this awful again. And, one of the most telling moments of that process was our fear that the loser would be unwilling to lose with grace.

When people who are running for the highest office in the land can’t be counted on to lose gracefully it’s time to acknowledge that we have deep cultural problems.

Character problems aren’t about participation trophies.

We have a character problem in America.

Nope, I’m not talking about a lack of fun and imaginative fictional characters. I’m talking about a depth of character that sustains people when times are tough.

Character is doing what you say, even when it puts you at odds with other people. Character is helping people perceived as weak without any expectation of receiving something in return.

What happened to us?

It’s my belief that parents (and society in general) have tried to shield people from the reality of difficult times.

We had the rise of helicopter parents and increased litigation. People stopped acknowledging when the fault for something was theirs, and their fault only.  

Basically, there is an extreme lack of responsibility for our own actions.

I received participation trophies, but those trophies didn’t eliminate my ability to take responsibility for actions that I’ve taken in my life.

Even if I didn’t want to be held accountable for the things that I’ve done or will continue to do life will hold me accountable (or karma).

How our society fails at building character.

Let’s go through a list of recent controversial situations where people weren’t held accountable for their actions until society or karma decided otherwise:

  • Bill Cosby: It was hard for me to believe that America’s favorite dad could be such a douchebag. But, apparently, he is. And, if you’re not sure about this, he did go blind (karma is a bitch). By the way, his trophy was fame.
  • George Zimmerman: This guy shot and killed Trayvon Martin and then was found not guilty. He has experienced increasing escalations of public beat downs, and altercations with other people that have found their way in the news. I’m also sure that he eats a lot of spit hamburgers. His trophy was notoriety.
  • Former Sheriff Joe Arpaio: This Arizona lawman was infamous for the prison conditions that prisoners in his jails experienced. I believe he ate a lot of spit burgers too, but he’s no longer Sheriff anymore. His trophy was power.
  • Brock Turner: You know, the guy who raped that young woman who was unconscious and was given three months and time served. Well, I remember what he looks like and I’m 100% sure he will be eating a lot of spit burgers too for the rest of his life. His trophy swimming accolades.

So, what is the point to sharing such extreme examples?

Regardless of how much we would like to protect people from the hard things that happen in life, or the bad or good choices that we make, sooner or later life happens and we all have to take responsibility for our actions.

Demand character from our public figures (and ourselves).

Participation trophies aren’t our problem.

Our ability to accept less-than-ethical behavior and lack of depth of character is our problem.

Parents, friends, and family who poo-poo this are also a part of the problem. Adults of all ages struggle with managing their personal character.

Do you keep your word to others? Do you acknowledge when you’re in the wrong? Do you intuitively know when you’re not accepting responsibility for you?

Truly becoming an adult is knowing — truly knowing — and acknowledging your role in how you’re perceived by others. You shouldn’t pass the buck to not holding yourself to a higher standard because your participation was rewarded or acknowledged when you were younger.

And it’s time we demand the same of those we look up to.

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New Year’s resolutions can be a good way to kickstart a better life. But you don’t actually need them to do amazing things. Read More...

At the end of the year, many of us review the past year and look toward the future.

Part of that process is making resolutions and setting goals for the coming year. Sometimes they are grand goals. Other times they are simple goals. In many cases, resolutions are nothing more than laundry lists of things we wish we could do or we wish we had.

At the end of 2015, I decided that 2016 would be a year of no resolutions. This was a big deal for me because I had set (and mostly kept) resolutions each year since turning 16.

But, still reeling from my divorce earlier that year, and unsure of where to go with my life next, I decided to make 2016 a year of exploration instead of one of resolutions.

And it has been glorious.

It was impossible to fail this year.

One of the downsides to setting New Year’s resolutions is that it’s easy to feel like a failure. And you feel like that failure three weeks in. It sucks.

Sure, you can set better goals or break them down into more manageable chunks. But in the end, you’re probably worried more about failing than making good progress.

All I did this year was learn about myself. I couldn’t fail. My year of no resolutions was about trying new things, figuring out my life’s purpose, and sometimes even being a complete hot mess.

My year of no resolutions meant I didn’t have to worry about whether or not I was on track to hit a milestone. And because I didn’t have to worry about failure, I went ahead and tried things I wouldn’t normally have done.

There was no bar, no benchmark, and no failure.

Just learning.

Sometimes you need to maintain.

People kept asking me what I hoped to accomplish. A few were shocked when I told them I was just about maintenance.

That’s right: 2016 was about maintenance.

It was about getting myself squared away. It wasn’t about moving forward or growing my business or even really becoming a better person.

I just wanted to maintain myself while I figured shit out.

Sometimes you need that.

I live in a world where everyone around me is pushing for more. More subscribers. More money. More conversions. More media mentions. The next course. The next product.

The next, the next. More. MORE. MOAR.

Hell, I couldn’t even keep up on my own blogs the last few months.

There’s nothing wrong with pushing. I plan to start pushing again soon. But sometimes it’s OK to slow down. To stand in one place. To get your bearings.

My year of no resolutions taught me that it’s fine to stand in one place for a little while. It’s even OK to go back to your hometown after 17 years, feeling like a complete failure, and figure out how to re-invent your life.

But you have to know where you are first.

I maintained. I did what needed to be done to earn money to feed my son. I didn’t do a bang-up job at anything, but I learned about myself, what was important to me, and my limits.

No, I didn’t accomplish anything, or impress anyone with my grand plans and ideas. But I got grounded, established a solid support system, and did it while making sure my son was properly clothed and fed.

At some point, you need to own your shit.

For quite some time, I tried to hide some of who I am. In the name of not being embarrassed or avoiding conflict, I tried to present one face to certain others:

  • I’d hem and haw about when I’d eventually get back to church.
  • I’d hedge about when I’d start looking to get married again.
  • I’d avoid questions about some of my crazier adventures.

For some reason, when I decided on a year of no resolutions, I also decided to start owning my shit.

No more excuses.

No more hedging.

And I started telling it like it is. Well, in a mostly-socially-appropriate manner. (Sometimes, when I’ve just a little extra, it means I over-share.)

Once I decided to explore who I am and what I wanted, I started realizing that I didn’t have to live for other people

Yes, I try to do nice things for people. No, I don’t go out of my way to be confrontational and make other uncomfortable. But I also don’t hide, either.

When I decided to stop making resolutions and trying to do things that aren’t really me, I let myself out a little bit.

There are some things I learned this year that I want to leave behind. And some of the things I learned about myself do need to be changed.

But it will be on my own terms.

You don’t need New Year’s resolutions to improve.

Just because I had a year of no resolutions doesn’t mean I didn’t make plans for self-improvement.

You can set goals and make efforts to improve any time of the year. You don’t need a specific holiday tradition to force it.

Once you figure out the meaning of your life, you can make changes anytime. And I love that. My year of no resolutions sort of freed me up to pursue different projects and find new ways to improve myself.

I started making changes to be healthier (well, once I stopped being a hot mess). I began brushing up on my German using a language app.

One of my friends pointed out that I seemed to be shifting from resolutions to themes for the year, and I kind of liked that idea. Last year, he pointed out, the theme was “explore.”

For the coming year, I’ve decided that, instead of renewing the resolution tradition, I’ll choose a theme. I think I’d like it to be “growth.”

There are many different ways to improve, and they don’t all follow a goal-setting formula.

I’ve had a kickass year. I’ve been able to travel, do amazing things with my son, and form new connections with really great people.

Hopefully, I’m ready for a new year. No resolutions. Just the idea that growth is the way to go for a new year.

What are your plans for the coming year?

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Everyone tells you that beauty is only skin deep and you shouldn’t judge by appearances. The reality? You are being judged. Read More...

The best way to support Adulting.tv is to subscribe and leave us an honest review. Thank you!

Fun fact: no matter what anyone tells you about looking on the inside, you’re being judged by how you look on the outside.

Even if you think it’s unfair, your career can be impacted by the way you dress, the tattoos you have, and your piercings. If you don’t dress for the situation, you could find yourself passed over for work.

In fact, there have been studies that indicate how you dress for the situation can impact the way you perform tasks. Take a lab coat. Hand it to someone and tell them it’s a doctor’s coat, and they do better at various tasks. Give them the same coat and tell them it’s a painter’s coat and the performance level drops.

But it’s not just about the way your outfit impacts your productivity. You people are making judgments about you based on the way you dress. If your clothing and overall appearance (hair, makeup, tattoos, and more) don’t fit the environment, you could be passed over for a job.

Concepts

  • What you where can impact how well you do your job.
  • How your preparation and appearance affects your frame of mind.
  • The problem with having visible tattoos, especially in a retail environment.
  • Dress for the situation depends on the workplace.
  • Different workplaces have different expectations and dress codes.
  • How changing societal norms have influenced what it means to dress for the situation at work.
  • Tips for figuring out what to wear to work.
  • How to put together a closet that allows you to quickly get ready for work each day.

Use our “Do Nows” to review your clothing choices and prepare your closet for the work day. We also look at how you can pay attention to the way your clothes make you feel so you can figure out which outfits to wear for different occasions. And, finally, a listener questions allows us to finally get to the bottom of what it means to be “business casual.”

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Resources

You are judged by your appearance
How clothing affects your appearance
Workplace dress codes and women
Sweatpants and the workplace?
Tattoos and your job prospects
Hosted byHarlan Landes and Miranda Marquit
Produced byadulting.tv
Edited and mixed bySteve Stewart
Music bybensound.com

Like what you’ve heard?

Join other #adults who receive free weekly updates.


For a limited time you’ll receive our new book, The Best Bank Accounts for Adults, when you sign up!

Learning to drive as an adult? Isn’t that something you do as a teenager? Here’s what it’s like to be the only adult who can’t drive. Read More...

My boyfriend is looking at me in the way that you don’t want to be looked at by a significant other.

He’s sweating profusely and feeling miserable because he has just been hit by food poisoning. The type of food poisoning that happens when you eat something that is horribly off. He needs me to drive and I just look at him in mute embarrassment.

Because I can’t drive.

I don’t have my license and this guy I like so much is looking at me with disbelief and a bit of disappointment.

I can’t blame him.

An adult who can’t drive?

How did I end up as an adult without a driver’s license?

It’s pretty much an article of faith that learning to drive is something you do as a teenager. Everyone does. It’s a rite of passage.

While it’s a bit uncommon in the state that I live in, it’s not an unusual story. My mom raised me after my parents divorced and I watched her dash from one job to the next: on foot, via bus, and by car.

When it was time for me to start learning to drive, I was getting around town just fine. Yellow school bus and public transit for the win.

I didn’t notice that I was being left behind as my classmates began driving and received or earned their first cars.

To be honest, driving wasn’t a priority. I knew that my mom wouldn’t be able to afford to buy me a car. Besides, I honestly preferred to buy clothes, yummy food, and fun things instead. So, I put off learning to drive for more years than I care to admit.

The inconvenience of being without a driver’s license.

Initially, it was not that big a deal. As I got older, though, I became more and more aware of how socially awkward my inability to drive was becoming for both myself and the people around me.

I was pretty good at getting around town and even other cities with public transit. I could navigate a new city by foot or bus and wow the people in my life with my knowledge of the L.A. transit system (they have a metro), the Paris Metro, or New York City’s subway system.

This knowledge didn’t change the reality that my friends were resigned to the fact that they would be driving me to the mountains every time we went for the weekend (we live in Colorado).

Or, whenever we went out for drinks my friends would become the unwitting designated driver unless I took a cab. Basically, as time went on, my friends began feeling used.

Learning to drive was outside my comfort zone.

What I didn’t count on was that the older I got, the more frightened I would become of embracing the driving process. As a pedestrian I saw people talking on their phones, eating food, and generally being completely distracted behind the wheel.

I also didn’t count on the fact that public transit would improve to the point where I found myself loving the fact that I could hop on and off the light rail to get to where I needed to go within 15 minutes or less.

Uber, Lyft, and other ridesharing systems made me even more reluctant to learn how to drive. But, the older I got the more acutely I noticed how my Not Driving impacted those around me.

It was a life skill I had to learn.

So, I decided to take drastic measures and force myself to learn.

I bought a car.

Yep, I bought a car from my friend before moving cross-country. It was a great car and only cost $1,500. I bit the bullet and bought a car before learning to drive.

Making good on my investment.

In most circles, a car purchase doesn’t count as an investment. But I paid cash money for that car, and now I had to make sure it paid off.

I began the painful process of learning to drive. Ironically, the actual action of driving wasn’t the biggest issue for me. It was the fact that no one wanted to drive around with a beginning driver who wasn’t their kid.

I had a couple of lovely friends who graciously volunteered to sit in the car while I practiced, but they were few and far between.

Finally, I began taking driving lessons (which are ridiculously expensive) and finally got enough courage to take the driving test.

I finally have my license.

It does feel different. My friends, bless them, are very proud of me and have volunteered to go driving with me so I can practice more. Now I feel like a member of a not-so-exclusive club that excludes people due to lack of access to a car, fear, or not enough money to afford one.

I savor the freedom that knowing how to drive gives me.  I no longer worry that I won’t be able to help a loved one in an emergency come.

I will never forget that look on my boyfriend’s face. Fortunately, that look won’t happen again.

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Regifting is a fine and noble art. Here’s how to do it the right way. Read More...

It’s bound to happen at some point: you receive a perfectly fine gift — that you hate.

As a society, we used to look down on regifting, but today it’s becoming increasingly common.

You don’t want to blatant or awful about your regifting, though. It’s important that you at least attempt to be classy about it.

If you want to get rid of something and you know just the person for it, regifting gives you the chance to make someone else happy and save a little bit of money in the bargain.

First of all: be gracious whenever you receive something.

Whenever you receive something, you should express gratitude. Even if you hate the item. “It’s the thought that counts” is a cliche, but it’s also true.

Someone gave you something. You can be nice and adult about it, even if secretly you plan to return it or regift it.

In some cases, you might just be stuck with the thing. I have some items that I’ve received that I know I have to keep. In those situations, I make sure I put it on display when I know the giver is coming. Or I wear it for them to see me using it.

No matter what, it’s vital to be a gracious gift recipient.

Don’t regift to the original giver.

If you’re going to be a regifting powerhouse, you need to get your shit organized. You can’t give an item to the original giver, so that means you have to know who gave it to you in the first place.

Keep track of who gives you what. List what you got, when you got it, and who gave it to you. This is important if you’re going to do this right.

It’s not just about avoiding a major faux pas by regifting to the person who gave it to you in the first place. You also have to avoid giving the gift to anyone in the same social circle.

If your sister gave you something you don’t like, you can’t turn around and give it to your mom two years later. Everyone will remember that it was a gift to you from your sister.

Family dinners just got even more awkward.

The same goes for friend circles and coworkers. Keep track of where your gifts come from so your regifting is to people who aren’t going to recognize the item.

Make sure the item is in tip-top shape.

Let’s keep it classy, people. It should go without saying that you only regift items that are in their original packaging, or that look brand new and unused.

If the item has been opened or used, that’s a no-no. Only used a tiny bit of that lotion? It’s off the menu for regifting.

While you’re at it, check the expiration date on packaged treats before you regift. I don’t like those big holiday-themed tins of popcorn, either, and I’m happy to pass them on. But before I do, I double-check the expiration date. You want your food gifts to be well within date.

Also, avoid regifting anything that has been on prominent display in your home. Because it’s obviously been used, and someone’s probably seen it.

Make sure the gift matches the new recipient.

The point of any gift is to make sure that it matches the person receiving it. Regifting is no good if you don’t put thought into it. I’ve opened things, expressed my gratitude, and then thought, “Actually, this would be perfect for…”

I make a note of it (an actual, written note, so I don’t forget) and then regift, after removing all the evidence. The idea is to make sure the gift is personal in some way. You have to at least put some thought into it.

If you think you will regift something (and even if you don’t know that you will), it makes sense to remove all indications that it was originally a gift to you. Search for notes and tags, and remove them.

Also, for good measure, use completely different wrapping paper. If the gift came in a bag, don’t use the same bag. The least you can do is spend a buck for a fresh bag and new tissue paper to spruce it up. There’s no reason to regift the wrapper on top of the gift.

Consider using it for a white elephant exchange.

Maybe you aren’t sure who to regift to, but you know that a white elephant is coming up. When you head to an office party or some other event, chances are a silly gift exchange will be involved. Regifting on one of these occasions can make a lot of sense — and save you the trouble of figuring out something to bring.

However, you still have to be careful and follow good regifting practice. This means you don’t bring the thing if someone at the exchange gave it to you. The same rules about social circles and regifting to the giver apply when you head to a white elephant exchange.

This is why I can’t emphasize enough the importance of keeping a list of who, when, and where as it relates to regifting. You can’t be a baller regifter — even for a white elephant exchange — if you aren’t organized about it.

Items made for regifting.

There are some things that are perfect for regifting. They are the sort of all-purpose gifts that people love to see, and that are easy to personalize in some way — even if it’s with nothing more than a fancy bow in the new recipient’s favorite color.

If you get the following items, consider them prime candidates for serving double-duty down the road:

  • Gift cards: Don’t shop at that store? No problem. Just find a new gift card holder and pass it along to someone who will use it. Double-check to ensure it isn’t personalized and make sure of the balance.
  • Lotions and soaps: As long as you haven’t opened these items, they are perfect. They are personal. They are pretty. Most of us love to get them. It’s easy to repackage these items attractively and send them on to new owners.
  • Alcohol: Not really a whiskey fan? No problem! Tie a bow around that bottle’s neck and regift to someone who is. Bottles of wine, six-packs of craft beer, and other items are perfect for regifting as long as they are still sealed.
  • Candles: Scented candles are great for regifting. As long as they are still wrapped and sealed, and haven’t been used even once, they are great as gifts. That goes for anything that involves scents, like warmers, fancy diffusers (with oil), and similar items.
  • Certain types of clothing: If you haven’t worn it and the tags are still on, and you are sure about the size of the next recipient, it’s ok to pass things on. Scarves, cute socks, slippers, gloves, and fashionable hats are all perfect items for regifting. Don’t regift clothing items that are extremely unique, or that you aren’t sure about sizes.
  • Gift baskets: Make sure nothing in the gift basket is expired and then pass it along. Another pro tip? If you have multiple gift baskets, and they have some things you like, you can mix and match. Open the baskets, take what you will eat, and then create a new basket with the rest of the items. Use one of the baskets you already have, and get new cellophane and ribbon to pretty up the package.
  • Perfumes and colognes: As long as you haven’t opened the bottle and it’s in the original packaging, these can be great gifts. Watch out, though: once you unwrap the plastic, it’s considered used. You may never use it, but with the plastic broken, it’s unregiftable. But aftershave, eau de toilette, perfume, and cologne all make great regifts.
  • Small appliances and gadgets: Toaster ovens, blenders, handheld mini-games, and other small appliances and gadgets are great for regifting. As always, make sure the items are in their original packaging and remain unused.
  • Toys, games, and puzzles: These types of gifts are perfect for passing along to someone who wants to use them, as long as you haven’t opened the packaging and tried them out.
  • Novelties: As long as it’s an appropriate circumstance, novelty items like cans of unicorn meat make great items for regifting. Just make sure you give them in the correct context so you don’t end up offending someone.

These are the items you should not regift.

Just as some gifts are made for regifting, others items should never be passed along to someone else. Here are things you need to either return to the store, or just suck it up and keep:

  • Anything personalized: If it’s personalized to your name, don’t regift it. You’d think it goes without saying, but, alas, somewhere some idiot is giving someone named Sharon something personalized for “Samantha.” The only time you want to do something like this is if you’re hoping that someone will break up with you.
  • Old technology: New gadgets are fun. Weird nostalgia items are fun. Old technology, like a car GPS unit or handheld PDA, are lame. Do not regift the old tech you have sitting around the house. Just don’t.
  • Jewelry: Sure it’s shiny and comes in a lovely presentation box. But whoever gave it to you probably wants you to wear it. Yeah, that costume jewelry my son bought me for my birthday is hideous. But I wear it anyway. The same goes for that clunky brooch from your mom. You just suck it up and wear. No getting rid of it until the relationship is over.
  • Artwork: The first thing my brother looks for when he walks in my house is a piece of traditional Mexican artwork he gifted me after returning from two years living abroad. Luckily, it’s a cool piece and I love it, so it’s prominently displayed in my front room. Sadly, not all artwork is so nice. But you have to keep it anyway. Whoever gave it to you probably picked it out special, and probably spent a pretty big chunk of change. You need to keep it and at least try to bring it out when they are around.
  • Opened anything: Whether you’ve used it or not, if the seal is broken, it’s off limits. No regifting anything, from Blu-rays to perfume to food, that has been opened and looked at. No matter how good or new it looks, if it’s been opened, and was originally in a package, it shouldn’t be regifted.
  • Distinctive, unique items: Try to avoid regifting items that are distinct and unique. That really, um, interesting sweater? Nope. Regifting is about the non-descript, especially when it comes to clothing.
  • Something universally hated: Unless you’re headed to a white elephant party and you’re expected to bring something hated and awful, don’t regift. If it’s just a horrible present all around, smile, thank the giver, and never speak of it again.

 You can always return it to the store.

If there is no way to regift the thing, consider taking it back to the store. Even if you don’t have a gift receipt, you might at least be able to get some sort of store credit so you can buy something you actually want.

When you can’t get a refund or store credit, consider donating the item. You get karma points for doing good, plus you might get a tax deduction if you itemize. No shame in that game.

Regifting is an art. It needs to be done with care and attention. Otherwise, it shouldn’t be done at all.

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Who’s in charge? Your devices, or you? It’s time to show your technology who’s boss. Read More...

My name is John and I’m a tech junkie.

Sure, I rationalize my tech-addiction by telling myself that I can stop whenever I want. I tell others that, as a predominantly online entrepreneur, I must constantly be connected to be effective. The fact is, I get anxious when I’m not close to my phone or computer.

I tell others that, as a predominantly online entrepreneur, I must constantly be connected to be effective. The fact is, I get anxious when I’m not close to my phone or computer.

The fact is, I get anxious when I’m not close to my phone or computer.

Because I’m predominantly an online entrepreneur, my tech addiction is worse. It’s so easy to justify wasted hours online.

When I go to Twitter or Facebook to do my job, I can easily get sucked into the vortex of social media. A half hour passes before I realize I wasted a bunch of time seeing the awesome lives my friends, colleagues, and family memebrs curate for the world. The line between social media work and social media play is easily blurred.

I know I’m not alone.

Medical terms that were non-existent even five years ago are ubiquitous today. There’s tech neck, phantom vibration syndrome, smartphone stress, and cell phone sickness — just to name a few.

Many of us admit our addiction, but most don’t do anything about it. We often laugh it off.

How do you know if technology is running (and ruining) your life?

When you can’t do dinner without looking at your phone.

When TV trays first came into America’s stores in 1953 and Swanson took TV dinners to the masses a year later, no one predicted that nightly family dinners would become a thing of the past.

Gone are regular human interaction, conversation, and debate. Maybe this is why the arts of conversation and sane debate are lost.

If a meal without technology feels like a “last meal,” you may have a problem.

When you say, “You do it, too!”

A favorite argument of tech addicts is, “You do it, too!”

This is called infraction equivalence. While it may be true that the accuser is also the accused, the opposite is likely true. It’s easy for us to see the bad behavior in others and not in ourselves.

John 8675309 says, “First remove the computer out of your own eye, then you can see clearly to remove the cell phone out of your brother’s eye.”

When you look at your phone before you look at your partner in the morning.

If you must satiate your tech fix before your caffeine fix, you may want to rethink your relation with information. A lot can happen in the world when you’re “lights-out,” but it’s not important enough to rob you of the few remaining intimate or quiet hours of your day.

When you call in sick because 15 seconds isn’t long enough to make better decisions.

Binge watching got even easier when streaming services began automatically starting the next episode of my favorite shows. Before I know it, it’ll be hours past my bedtime before I say it’s time for bed.

If you justify playing hooky from work the next day because the TV makes bad decisions for you, it’s time to disconnect and make adult decisions on your own.

When it doesn’t happen if you don’t post it.

The Information Age technically didn’t start until about 1990. The TMI Age started in 2004 with Facebook, followed then by Snapchat, Instagram and too many social networks for any sane person to keep up with.

If you can’t do or think something without posting it online, you could be part of the problem. Do yourself (and the world) a favor and just live some experiences and keep some thoughts to yourself.

When you haven’t talked to your friend in months, but you know everything about them.

Technology is bringing us both closer together and farther apart. If you know every detail of your friend’s life, but haven’t talked with or been with them in years, you’re missing out on a major part of the human experience. You know, those human-to-human experiences.

Call your friend instead of texting. Spend time with your friend face-to-face rather than over Facetime.

When you can’t go a day without taking a picture.

There was a time when every aspect of our lives wasn’t photographed and the world existed just fine. In fact, pictures were novelties and expensive. If you can’t live your life without looking through a lens, you’re missing what exists in the periphery.

We benefit more from being in the moment than merely photographing it.

When you miss bills, but don’t miss video game releases.

When technology becomes more important than your responsibilities, you may have a problem. If you know the release dates of your favorite game better than your children’s birthdays, or if you can list the name of reality stars but not our presidents, it’s time to put the joystick down.

Virtual reality is fun, but you know what’s also fun? Reality.

When you ask your partner to cut back on necessities, but you can’t cut back on NFL Ticket or Amazon Prime.

The above was about giving up responsibilities for the sake of technology. When you migrate from giving up responsibilities to giving up necessities, you’ve reached a whole new level of tech addiction. This is exacerbated when you ask others to sacrifice and don’t make equitable sacrifices for yourself.

Successful people do more of what adds value to their lives and less of what doesn’t. Technology does add value when used appropriately. But it can also devalue and ruin our lives if we let it take over.

Let technology be the tool rather than you.

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