Harlan L. Landes, Author at Adulting

Congratulations on landing your first real job! Before you get caught up in your work, take some time to navigate your surroundings. Read More...

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Harlan L. Landes

Now that you you’re successfully navigated the interview and hiring process, you get to take a big step forward in your career by starting it. Or, if your job isn’t exactly in your career path, at least you’re working.

Before long, all of your job’s roles and responsibilities will be clear, and you’ll start making your mark. You may get a little overwhelmed with your new environment, so take some time now to deal with some of the tasks that are essential at the start of your first real job. Ignore these tasks, and you will miss opportunities to set yourself up for long-term success. Don’t blow it.

1. Get a true sense of your take-home pay.

Surprise! Your paycheck is a lot smaller than you expect it to be. A $40,000 salary after federal, state, and local taxes might leave you with only $500 a week. For reals. Even less will end up in your pocket if you have an automatic enrollment in a retirement plan.

You may get some of the money withheld for taxes back when you file your tax return, but your net pay, what you take home, is what you should focus on right now, not your salary.

2. Figure out your new budget.

Now that you know how much income you really have to work with, write down your new budget. Start with the things you need, like your rent or mortgage payment, your food (groceries), and your transportation to and from your workplace. Set aside as much as possible for savings. You’ll need something set aside for emergencies. Then try to fit in some of the luxuries, like dining out, entertainment, vacations, and nicer clothing. If you can.

If you can’t, just hang on for now. You can’t have everything you want in life the moment you start your first real job.

Read this article to see how to make a budget based on priorities. Once you make the budget, track it, so you stay within its limits or realize that you need to change your assumptions about your spending.

3. Open bank accounts if you don’t have any.

It still surprises me how many newly-minted grown-ups don’t have bank accounts. When you get paychecks for working, not cash, you need to have at least one bank account, a checking (debit card) account. Don’t take your paychecks to check-cashing places or Walmart. They charge fees that add up quickly.

Instead, find a free checking account with free debit cards. You might want to check with whatever bank has a branch closest to you, and ask about free checking and free debit cards, but some communities don’t even have any bank branches.

It might be easier to just go online. Ally Bank and Capital One 360 are two of my favorite free online checking accounts.

Once you open your checking account, you can tell your supervisor or human resources department at work that you want to set up a direct deposit. Your paycheck will be sent directly to your bank, so you just use your debit card when you need to pay for anything or go to an ATM when you need cash.

4. Invest some of your income.

If you don’t start investing right now, you will always be trying to catch up. First, make sure you’re enrolled in your company’s retirement plan, if the company offers one. If the company doesn’t offer a 401(k) plan, a 403(b) plan, or anything else, you’ll have to start investing on your own. Put money aside for a few months, and open a retirement account at Vanguard.

Choose a Roth IRA if you already have a plan at work, or a traditional IRA if you don’t. Invest in a broad index mutual fund, like the Vanguard Total Stock Market Index Fund (VTSMX), for now. It’s a low-cost way to save for retirement, and keeping your costs low is the most important factor in building wealth over the long term.

5. Understand your benefits.

Your employer may offer some benefits, including health insurance, disability insurance, life insurance, free lunches, a weekly chair massage, or personalized humanoid robot butlers. You’ll only find out what you get by reading all the information you receive your first few days on the job.

If you have a choice, and you might for something like health insurance, review the information carefully and ask around for advice. It’s good to know what your health insurance options are, and what’s covered, in case you need to use them.

6. Learn about your company’s culture.

Getting ahead and succeeding in your job isn’t just about your job performance or doing all that is expected of you. You’ll also need to be able to fit in — without losing your individuality, of course. Spend lots of time with your coworkers. Observe how people behave and present themselves on the job and listen carefully to important discussions. Look for the clues, both subtle and obvious, that will lead you towards making a good impression. Much of this is based on mimicking the behavior of the more successful people at your level.

Use this time exploring the culture to work on your communication skills (ask questions!) and build relationships with people in your workplace.

The most important thing about getting started is not to expect to be treated like a superstar on your first day on the job. You’re a unique snowflake, that’s for sure, but so is everyone else. As the new girl or guy, you have to put in time and effort before you are able to reap the rewards of great benefits, a salary that reflects your worth, and personal freedom.

You’re not entitled to the best of what your employer (or life) has to offer just by showing up, but when you put in the hard work and prove yourself, success will find its way to you much easier. After some time.

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Without the right financial values, you’ll be lost with money and you’ll set a poor example. Fix that right now. Read More...

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Harlan L. Landes

When you’re struggling financially, you might have two different ways of dealing with it. You might freak out because you can’t deal. Or you might just stick your head in the sand and ignore your problems because it hurts too much.

That’s what I did when I was dealing with the worst of my money problems. I had to hit rock bottom before turning my life around. That gave me a chance to figure out what my financial values are.

1. Money is not for the sake of money.

With money, you have to be that annoying kid. The one who asks, “Why?” after every sentence. “I want to be a millionaire.” “Why?” “Because I want to be rich.” “Why?” “So I don’t have to be concerned about having enough money.” “Why?” “So I can do the things I’d like to do.” “Why?” “Because I want to travel the world.”

Finally we get to an answer. There’s no point in having a high balance in the bank or a long-term investing strategy if there isn’t a goal other than gathering that money. If your only goal is to retire with a million dollars, you’re totally missing the point. The purpose of money is to do something with it. What do you want to do?

2. Balance financial independence with helping others.

What would you do if you ended up with one million dollars that you didn’t plan on having? How about one billion? What else is there besides “financial independence” (having enough money to do what you want without worrying about earning more from working)?

Don’t forget to look outside yourself and your family. Help others, especially those who don’t have the same types of opportunities as you. You don’t need to be financially independent to start making a better world. Some of the most charitable people are those who are not wealthy. Find the right balance for you between making yourself rich and contributing to a rich experience for the world.

3. Are your assets on display?

If you feel the world is a competition or that you have something to prove, you probably have less of a problem with showing off your success. Grow up in a community where success is hard to find, and you feel this even more. You celebrate your success publicly, because it not only helps validate you, but it gives hope to others.

But this perpetuates the idea that money and wealth somehow make people superior. And the competition isn’t only about wealth. Look around and you’ll see people trying to prove that they have the skills to save more money than anyone else. Money brings out your competitive nature. Whether it’s about earning money, having a wealthy partner, or saving money, you may feel the need to show off.

Showing off tells people you’re not confident with yourself. People don’t need to know about your success. Keep it quiet and do good with your money without fanfare.

4. Wealth isn’t something to idolize.

We see popular people living well and we want to be like them, whether it’s the musical artist who’s an “overnight success,” a Kardashian, or just some couple on House Hunters International.

Have you seen all the books and blogs that supposedly teach people how to be rich by thinking like a rich person? As if changing your “mindset” will give you the same opportunities experienced by people who have lived their entire life surrounded by wealth? Yes, you do have to have a positive life philosophy if you want to be able to handle the wealth you build, but you won’t gain anything by just thinking like a rich person. Financially successful people are not better or smarter than the rest of us.

Strive to be a person of strong character, not a person of a huge bank balance.

5. Money isn’t related to human decency.

On that note, we often confuse wealth with living as a good human being, just as often or if not more than we characterize wealthy people as “evil.” These are both wrong! If you are a bad person before becoming wealthy, you will remain a bad person when you become wealthy.

Just like wealth doesn’t lead to decency or indecency, the lack of wealth doesn’t correlate either. Poor people aren’t necessarily lazy. They aren’t necessarily hard workers, either. Everyone has a life full of their own circumstances that often don’t correspond with any stereotype or generalization. Separate someone’s character from their wealth, and don’t make assumptions.

6. Financial success isn’t a reward for hard work.

You do your chores, you collect your allowance. This is supposed to be a life lesson for kids about how the real world works. Except it’s not!

Yes, you do get paid when you show up for your job, but how hard you work often is not related to how much you get paid. I worked for an arts organization after college, and I worked hard. There were times of the year I worked 80 hours a week and the job consumed my life. Didn’t make much money, though.

There are wealthy people who never worked a hard day in their life. Many have, though, so having a great work ethic is still the best approach to build wealth. The problem is that it’s far from a guarantee. Sometimes working hard just doesn’t pay off. A vast amount — the majority — of people throughout the world work hard their entire lives but will never be wealthy.

Financial success requires grit, but also much more.

What are your financial values?

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Hard work, dedication, and focus are necessary for you to succeed at your goals. But it takes more than just grit; there are other important factors, and grit binds them together. Read More...

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Harlan L. Landes

Drake raps about collecting $500,000 to perform after starting from the bottom. The step in the middle is working hard, and he tells his audience all about it.

I don’t care if Aubrey Drake Graham really started at the bottom. He feels he did, and compared to some, sure, I’d agree. He’s not the only one praising his own humble roots. Donald Trump also claims to have modest beginnings, making do with just a million dollar loan from his father.

When Drake and Trump look back on their success stories, they put a strong focus on the hard work, keeping some of their advantages in the shadows. These success stories — and they are “true” stories as much as any perception is true — are about their persistence and defiance against obstacles to build their skills.

Unfortunately, hard work does not always lead to success. There are no guarantees. You could follow every rule in the book and still not get what you want out of life. Anyone who says differently is selling you something.

All who do succeed, by their own definition of success, have put in hard work to get to that point — and they have this thing called grit. Grit is essential, but not the only determining factor, for success. Combine this grit with other factors, and you increase your chances of reaching your goal.

What is grit?

What happens when a challenge prevents you from succeeding as quickly as you’d like — or as quickly as people you’re being compared to — and authorities call you out?

Imagine you’re dyslexic and are having a difficult time reading, and a teacher calls you stupid. How would you react? Work harder to prove them wrong, or give up? Success comes to those who set out to show that they can succeed despite the challenges. Those who persist. Keep trying.

Grit is persistence and self-control. Being in control of yourself gives you the opportunity and freedom to choose a long-term goal and for you to pursue that goal without wavering. When there’s only one thing you want to do, only one way you can see yourself living your life, self-control allows you to stay focused. Self-control also allows you to put aside some quick successes in favor of working towards the larger goal in the end.

Persistence is the fight in you, and it’s driven by your passion. Don’t give up because people say you can’t achieve your goals. Society places obstacles in front of you, and your obstacles might be larger than those that other people have to face.

Life isn’t fair — especially if you’re part of a group that routinely has more obstacles than others. It’s a disadvantage, but there is always the possibility of pushing through, even if the odds are stacked against you.

By itself, grit isn’t perfect. You can keep trying, but if you aren’t learning from your mistakes and focusing on other important aspects of success, you’re just as likely to fail at reaching those long-term goals. Even though everyone who succeeds has been persistent and controlled, not everyone who is persistent and controlled will succeed.

I grew my first business from nothing, and I eventually grew it to the point where it could sustain a lifestyle well beyond the ability of a day job in a corporate office or in a school as a teacher. It was never that lifestyle I was interested in. I just wanted to create something, a community, and I focused on that long-term goal. A large part of the success was a result of the hard work and focus I put into it over a long period of time.

But I also had these other factors working for me.

Creativity and intelligence factor into success.

Hard work, determination, focus, and self-control, or “grit,” is still the primary driver for success. Grit is so powerful it can make up for shortcoming in other areas, at least to a point.

Creativity lets you look at problems from a unique perspective. When you fail — and everyone who’s successful has experienced short-term failure at some point — creativity gives you a new way to approach the problem.

Intelligence helps you gather knowledge along the way, so you develop insight that helps you make better decisions. It helps you make connections between different concepts. Some of the most successful people use creativity and intelligence to come up with business ideas and strategies that are unique, and they do this by taking good ideas from one experience and applying them to another.

And they test. Testing concepts over and over, in different permutations. That’s grit interacting with creativity and intelligence.

Luck and opportunity help a great deal.

Although not as important as grit, luck and opportunity play a big role in being able to reach goals. Unfortunately, these two concepts are often downplayed by people who are successful. In general, we like to feel that a good outcome is a direct result of things we can control like how hard we work, and that a bad outcome is a direct result of things beyond our control like bad luck, the lack of opportunity, the weather, traffic, culture, or insert your favorite excuse here.

“I built it” is the story we like to tell, because it’s more interesting, and makes us feel that we have had a direct impact on our ability to reach out goals.

But success is always a combination of things within our control and outside of our control.

Some people are in the right place at the right time. I started writing about finances a few years before the stock market crashed. When the economy fell apart, throughout the world, more people were looking to discuss saving money, earning more, and investing. Since I had already established my community, people found me. Advertisers found me.

Some people might say that I was particularly skilled at setting myself up for an opportunity that would be coming, but I didn’t know when the economy would crash. I didn’t know if I’d be ready to reach as many people as I did. Luck played a part. But I recognized the opportunity and jumped on it.

And I didn’t give up when the numbers of competitors increased. Instead, I looked for partners and worked harder and came up with creative solutions to drive my community and business forward.

A good combination of all of these factors absolutely makes your goals much easier to reach, whether these goals are related to business and financial success, fitness and athletics, creative fields like music, or even education. If you want to be able to put “Doctor” before your name, you can be sure you’ll need a mix of all the above. But grit binds everything together, and without that, long-term success will continue to evade you.

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You know your relationship is on point if these 20 traits describe you. If not, at least you’ll know what to do. Read More...

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Harlan L. Landes

I’ve had some of the best relationships, but I’ve also had a few where the best thing I could say is that they were learning experiences.

Here’s what I’ve learned. I’ve identified twenty healthy behaviors that show you are doing what it takes to give yourself the best chance of having a long-lasting, loving relationship with your person.

If the following describes you, you’re doing your part to make a thing go right. It takes two, however, to make it out of sight. Not only should you let these suggestions lead your approach to your relationship, but your s.o. should, too.

Hit it.

1. You bring to the table everything you want in a partner.

Whether it’s education, healthy living, or ambition, if there’s a trait you feel is important in your partner, be sure you’re your own great example. What are you doing to work on being the ideal partner for someone like you?

2. You argue about which one of you is the luckiest.

I am! No, I am! It’s more than just playing the humble lover. There’s some truth to that every relationship is made up of one settler and one reacher, but if you disagree and each honestly think you’re the reacher and the other is the settler, you are able to see the best in each other.

3. You always love the idea of sex.

That isn’t to say you are always in the mood to be physically intimate or that you will do what your partner wants at any time, but you always look forward to the next chance you have to hook up. And when you do, it’s a-ma-zing.

4. You talk excitedly about your goals and listen to your partner’s goals.

You have your own wishes and dreams, and you have desires together as a couple. You may not have identical goals, but they are compatible. You even give your partner the chance to change goals and paths. When you pay attention, you can support your partner as they move towards their goal and travel forward together.

5. You can handle time apart.

When you’re comfortable not being attached at the hip, when you know your partner can be away from you without making you nervous or jealous, you show that you are self-confident. Time apart is an essential piece of a healthy relationship, and if you can allow this to happen without the need to check up every five minutes, you’re in good shape.

6. Your friends and family like you together.

The people outside of your relationship who know you the best have great insight into what kind of partner you need. As long as they’re not clouded by their own issues like jealousy, you can trust your friends and family, especially if their opinions ring true. But haters gonna hate, sometimes, so you always do what’s best for you.

7. You show patience and kindness with your s.o.

You can’t control your partner’s behavior or emotions, so when a situation doesn’t go the way you’d like, you react with understanding and love. Mistakes happen, so patience and kindness allows your partner to be comfortable when communicating, and you don’t force them to be defensive.

8. You have matching sets of baggage.

It’s too much to expect that your partner doesn’t have a past. We all have baggage, issues that we have to deal with. Your partner’s baggage should go with yours, but that doesn’t mean you have to have identical history.

9. You’re not waiting for something that would improve the relationship.

The struggle is real. If you’re waiting until your partner gets a job with the hope that will fix all your problems, you could be putting too much faith in the future. If you’re making it work regardless of money, addiction, or bad behavior today, you’ll be that much stronger when things get better, but if you’re having difficulty now, things might not improve if the situation itself ever improves.

10. You don’t keep score or count relationship points.

You know your relationship isn’t a game you’re trying to win. Your partner doesn’t owe you favors when you do what you feel is a favor for them. You’re not trying to prove you love your partner more than they love you.

11. You don’t make your partner feel they’re not good enough.

Emotional manipulation is the quickest way to a toxic relationship. You don’t make yourself feel better by knocking your partner down.

12. You don’t try to change your partner.

You may feel you’d like your significant other to be just a little bit more understanding, more attentive, more ambitious. And you support your partner when they try, but you don’t try to force them into being something that you feel is the ideal lover.

13. You don’t get jealous when other people flirt with your partner.

You are self-confident, so you don’t need to compete for your lover’s attention when it’s important, and you don’t have to feel threatened. Be thankful others recognize your partner’s attractive qualities, but be satisfied they are choosing you every day.

14. You put away distractions when you’re with your partner.

Not every minute you’re with your partner needs to be fully engaging. You can both sit on the bed reading independently; you can be in separate rooms working. But when you are engaged with each other, you give your partner 100 percent of your attention. Put down the smartphone.

15. You ask about your partner’s day and listen before talking about yours.

You can’t wait to tell your partner about your day. Sometimes you have something you need to share. It’s hard to conceal that excitement, and you don’t have to. But you should balance your enthusiasm for telling your own story with being excited about what your partner has to share.

16. You communicate at a higher level.

When you’re totally in sync, you communicate in ways others can’t even detect. Just a look indicates it’s time to leave the party and move to a more intimate setting. Mind reading is an illusion, but this is how it works.

17. You take your happiness into your own hands.

You’re not waiting for your partner to “make” you happy. Happiness in a relationship is a choice that you make. And if you’re not happy, you know you’re the only one to blame. No one else is responsible for your decision to be happy.

18. You treat your partner like your best friend.

You are supportive, reliable, and you look past your partner’s flaws. You forgive, because you know the relationship is worth maintaining.

19. You imagine life from your partner’s perspective.

Putting yourself in their shoes is the first path towards showing empathy for the person you love. You better understand your partner’s actions and feelings because you practice empathy, and because of this, you can better predict their future behavior. Empathy is a mind-reading superpower.

20. You don’t need to prove to others just how good your relationship is.

When you’re proud of your partner, it’s natural to want to brag and show off. I’m surprised that we don’t see more “my boyfriend is smart, hot, and successful” bumper stickers than we see “my kid is an honor student” stickers. But you don’t seek the approvals of “friends” on social media because you’re self-confident and couple-confident.

Don’t see many things on this list to apply to you? Start to think of this article as a road map — your GPS to a relationship that’s on point, or a daily reminder to bring a new relationship into your life, if it is that you seek.

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There’s pressure to always be on, to Work It, at 100% all the time. Introverts have a disadvantage, so here’s how we cope. Read More...

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Harlan L. Landes

Society in the United States is set up to give more advantages to extroverts than introverts. Whether in school or at work, those setting the culture make it clear that socialization and cooperation in groups is much preferrable to a collection of isolated individuals.

Introversion, antisocial behavior, shyness, and social anxiety

For introverts including myself, spending a large portion of the day navigating interpersonal and group interactions can be physically and emotionally draining. But an introverted personality type is not the same thing as being antisocial. Introverts can excel at being social and might love the company of others; they just may need time to themselves to think alone, introspect, and recharge.

Being antisocial makes it hard to succeed in a traditional sense, but having an introverted tendency does not need to be a curse. To be antisocial generally means to be able to socialize with others but to do so in a way that is unexpected or differs from others.

Shyness is an additional potential trait among introverts, distinct from introversion. Shyness makes social interactions uncomfortable, especially with people and situations that are unfamiliar.

Social anxiety disorder can affect introverts and extroverts. It’s an intense fear of interaction that leads to avoidance of situations where someone might come into contact with other people. It could be a fear of being judged by others.

If you experience uncontrollable stress when you might be the center of attention, when you feel you might be criticized, or when you have to meet a very important person, you may be experiencing social anxiety disorder.

An introvert, if neither antisocial, shy, nor socially anxious, can be outgoing, friendly, and fully aware of social cues. It’s not uncommon for these introverts to be the bosses, the business leaders, the engaging teachers, and the prolific actors. You wouldn’t know who is an introvert because only those close to them would be aware of whether they thrive from their social efforts or they require recuperation from those efforts.

Introversion alone doesn’t justify the stigma. Why do people think introverts have a lower chance of being successful?

It’s because many introverts have the other traits that do make success difficult.

Most introvert advice sucks.

Unfortunately, most of the advice available for introverts contains no insight. That’s because it tends to simply suggest that introverts be more like extroverts. In theory, copying extroverted behavior should be enough for an introvert to gain advantages of extroverts.

The typical advice of “just force yourself to be more outgoing” should suffice for pure introverts who can socialize for a fair amount of time in ways that culture deems appropriate. But because many of us introverts also have other traits mixed in, those suggestions fail.

What’s worse, is so much advice I’ve read encourages introverts to feel bad for being who they are, going so far as to use guilt to try to convince them to take on the attributes of extroverted, successful, outwardly confident people. Keep in mind that you can change aspects of your personality without sacrificing your identity, but you should only adjust the things you want to change.

Knowing that introverts can be just as successful as extroverts should allow you to be quite comfortable with your approach to life. But shyness, antisocial traits, and social anxiety can all be improved without changing your core personality.

You probably already fake being extroverted.

This is just the first step. Think, what would an extrovert do? Maybe it’s my theatrical background, but I like to suggest approaching social situations by playing the role of the extrovert. And I think that’s what many introverts feel they are doing when they do find themselves needing to participate in interaction.

This “faking it” approach doesn’t change the fact that introverts will need recovery time, but it might change your mindset and allow you to be more comfortable putting effort into socialization.

We are expected to “work it” in front of our friends and coworkers. Taking an extroverted approach helps in those situations, even if it doesn’t feel right at first.

If introversion isn’t your biggest social problem, other suggestions might help more.

Build connections even when you’re antisocial.

If you’re antisocial, you feel like you don’t fit in with the culture around you. You might see all the people who seem extroverted, and it all looks fake to you. You want to stay genuine and authentic, and you don’t feel the need to fit in.

But sometimes we just have to fit in. Navigating social expectations is part of being an adult. You don’t have to change who you are; you should just be aware of the world around you and how other people behave and interact within it.

One of the most helpful ideas is to seek out your partner in crime. Even in the most conforming environments, there will be someone who’s ready to accept and enjoy your approach to friendship, camaraderie, or teamwork. Find the one person you’re comfortable with, and build on that relationship.

Shyness is generally a lack of confidence.

I’ve found that I behave differently in different groups. If I know my place in a group, and especially if I feel that I am already well-respected, my confidence builds and I can be the center of attention without being uncomfortable. I can introduce myself to new friends and colleagues, and I have an energy that infects others. In a good way, I think.

But when I’m unsure of my place in a group or I’m new myself, my shyness comes out. I’ll stay quiet and reserved, and I’ll wait for someone else with more confidence to be my social guide.

Building confidence is key. If you know a situation is coming up in which you might be shy or lack confidence, consider this approach. These will work for both social and business interactions, as well as combinations like the dreaded “networking.”

Plan for it. Take the introvert approach and preview the event. Find out who will be there and have some ideas about who you might want to talk to and what you might want to talk about.

Have a goal you can measure. Decide to have a target for the number of people you’d like to have conversations with.

Replace any negative thoughts with positive thoughts. Have a mantra for the event. Give yourself a mini pep talk. It sounds corny, but it works. Convince yourself that you are confident and you will meet your goals.

Get help for social anxiety.

If you are so disabled by fear of social situations, you need to go beyond help from articles about introverts and see professional psychologists or other therapists. They chan provide you with one-on-one coping mechanisms as well as medication to help with this disorder.

You are probably overestimating the visibility of your anxiety. It feels strong to you, but others may not notice that you’re uncomfortable. So if that is in turn making your anxiety worse, you may be able to keep this in mind and do a better job coping with anxiety when you are forced into these stressful social situations.

At Adulting, we have an entire podcast episode about being calm, and that comes in handy with dealing with certain anxiety. One calming technique that has worked well for me is the 4-7-8 technique, which I explained in this video.

You can be an introvert and still be outgoing and confident. Some of the most successful people in the world are introverts, and they need their alone time to recharge. You can address shyness, social anxiety, and any antisocial traits while still being you.

You don’t have to sacrifice who you are to do a better job with dealing with people. Work it.

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If you follow just some of these suggestions from long-time and newbie adults, you’ll be better than most. Which is your favorite? Read More...

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Harlan L. Landes

I asked some of my friends and colleagues for the most important things they’ve learned about being an adult. I certainly don’t have all the answers.

Many of them were excited to share their favorite ideas. Some of these suggestions come from newly-minted grown-ups, or some who are just starting to have the opportunity to find out what life is all about. Others have years of experience.

Pick out a few tips that speak to you. You’ll find something great. This could be the most influential article you read this year.

Stop trying to impress others or shove your opinions down other people’s throats. Instead, work at creating value. Jackie L. from Cheapsters.

Don’t take anything or anyone for granted. Tell and show the people you love how you feel about them because they could be taken from you at any moment. Forgive and let it go. Surround yourself with people who lift you up, not drag you down. Treat everyone with respect. Elaine M.

Make your satisfaction and happiness your first priority. Learn to say no. Christian V.

Take the long view when making big decisions. These kinds of decisions can be painful at times, but that is, sadly, part of being an adult. Holly J. from Club Thrifty.

Know yourself: your strengths and weaknesses, your morals and values, what you hope to achieve and what you want out of life. Deanna H.

Avoid avoidance. Not looking at your bank account doesn’t make the balance bigger. Not paying off your credit card doesn’t make the interest stop accruing. Not discussing difficult things with your significant other doesn’t make the issues disappear. Learn to face things head on, no matter how unpleasant. Rebecca C.

Found your new mantra yet? There’s more!

Don’t stop dreaming. Many people around you will tell you to “grow up.” Adulting doesn’t mean one should abandon those big audacious adolescent goals. As an adult you now have more control in making your dream happen. Jason V. from Phroogal.

Do good, don’t suck. Brittany H.

Read The Tao of Pooh and The Te of Piglet. These books take the stories of Winnie the Pooh and show Pooh to be a master zen philosopher. When you begin to study this philosophy you are taking steps to becoming a more centered, focused adult. Scott B.

See things as others see them. Realize that not everybody who you feel has wronged you did so maliciously, and see that people are generally doing the best they can, just like you. Liz B.

Focus on what you can contribute (to a job, to your relationship, to your community, etc.). Give more than you take. Lindsay J.

Accept personal responsibility. When you recognize how much of a role your own decisions and reactions play in your life, it’s hugely empowering, but not easy. Accept your flaws. But recognizing both the good and the bad within yourself and understanding how much of a part you play in influencing how those strengths and weaknesses manifest in your life is the first step in creating a world which revolves around the former. Stefanie O.

Never forget how to play and blow off steam. Aaron S.

Love the adultier adults who helped you get older. With adulthood comes loss, but also the need for guidance, encouragement, and love remains. Love the ones who got you here and never be afraid to ask them for help. Magdalen S.

Be comfortable with winging it. There isn’t necessarily a single correct way to do something. Figure out what works best for you, and give other people a break. Barb D.

Show up on time. Save just a little bit of money each month. Doing these two simple things can cover a lot of sins in other areas. Julie R. from Working to Live Differently.

From money to family to your job to your overall life philosophy, these tips really make a difference.

Be honest with yourself. Self-deception can be hard to notice and it takes work to root it out. Honesty’s twin need is gentleness. It is easier to be more real with yourself when you are gentle. Alan S. from Real Money.

Pay attention. Being an ostrich isn’t going to help you now or in the future. If you’ve made mistakes, don’t beat yourself up. Acknowledge them, learn from them, and don’t repeat them. Also, read as much as you can. Jana L. from Jana Says.

Realize things are not black and white. True understanding often involves much more complexity than a 21 year old is ready to contemplate. Dig deep and have empathy and realize that sometimes we contradict even ourselves in the same breath. Gina B.

Wean yourself off of the comforts of childhood before jumping right into adult mode. Paul Z.

Remember that the grass is greener where you water it, and comparing yourself to others isn’t an effective measurement as an adult. Melissa Van F.

Learn something from everyone, no matter how much education they have, how old they are, or where they come from. Clayton F.

The world owes you nothing. Just because people fawned over you in high school or college doesn’t mean it’s going to continue in the real world. It takes a lot of hard work to make your mark on the world. Jessica G. from Every Single Dollar.

Change from self-centeredness and growth to selflessness and helping others grow. Make the world around you better through the positive energy you contribute through empathy and caring. Virginia M.

Communicate honestly with your loved ones. Tell the truth about who you are, and what you’re feeling, and listen to them do the same without judgement or fear. Make the world a better place by making your home a better place with clear, honest, loving communication. Casey F.

Just sign up for the 401(k), all right? Worry about getting your money out later. Do your job the best you can, learn about what’s happening around you, and make someone else’s job a little easier. Doug N. from The Military Guide.

Find an idea that makes a difference to you, and write it down. Put the message on your fridge or door or mirror so you see it each day.

Save at least 10% of your income for retirement, starting now, and don’t spend it before then. Also, don’t make excuses. Make changes instead. Empower yourself by accepting responsibility for your current and future situation. Jackie B. from The Debt Myth.

Do what you love, not what is expected of you. Melissa T.

Be patient. It could take 20 years or more to get the life you want. Also, Rediscover the art of discovery. Don’t lose sight of that childlike sense of exploration. Take spontaneous trips, get excited about your birthday, and commit continuously learn. Whitney H.

Get on a budget and stick to it. Also, do the hard thing. Don’t follow the path of least resistance. Jacob W. from iHeartBudgets.

Prepare for the future financially as much as you are living today. Figure out your long-term dreams and create a plan. You will have to do things that are less than desirable to reach the huge milestones. Don’t let those undesirable and painful periods last any longer than they need to be. Elizabeth C. from The Reluctant Landlord.

Learn to be still. You’ll be surprised how good the quiet feels after constant clamor in the outside world. Also, track your expenses and then interrogate them. Was that pizza and beer (plus taxes and tip) with friends really worth two hours’ work at your entry-level position? Donna F. from Surviving and Thriving.

Say no to things that aren’t good for you. Budget, eat healthy, go to bed at a decent time. Take criticism. Work at a job you don’t like because it pays your bills. Take care of yourself, all by yourself. Mindy J. from Bigger Pockets.

Save money, because nobody else will do it for you. Be responsible for yourself. Show up on time, listen, follow directions. Sounds simple, but not doing them will get you fired, will cause you to waste money, will get you in trouble with the government/organization, etc. Robert F. from The College Investor.

Travel far and wide. Nothing makes you appreciate what you have more than interacting with people who don’t. Travel also allows you to find things that you’re passionate about, and really think about ways to make your hustles works. Fahima A.

Take personal responsibility and realize the world isn’t out to get you. You have a part in everything that happens. Also, get life insurance. Glen C. from Free From Broke.

Go forth and adult. You might just conquer the world. Or you might find inner happiness.

Which was your favorite tip? Want to add your own? Comment below.

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Your boss sees the photo of you partying too hard. Or she sees you rant about your job. You’re done. Read More...

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Harlan L. Landes

The words you say, the pictures you post, and the memes you share have consequences.

Don’t be the guy or girl who gets fired or expelled for a stupid mistake you made on social media. You’ll just be next on the long list of people who didn’t realize that trouble awaits behind every ill-conceived post.

It is so easy for everything you do and say to be shared with the world. Forever. Permanently. There’s no going back to having private lives, now, so you just have to deal with it.

Remember when you thought Facebook was a safe place for you to just be yourself without parents, teachers, and bosses seeing what you’re up to? Well, social media sites are universal now. Everyone can see everything.

Even if you think your privacy settings prevent people from seeing what you’re up to, the real truth is that it doesn’t take much for anything you share in the strictest of confidence to be made public.

Here’s what happened to famous people who didn’t realize this. (Hint: they weren’t famous first.)

These folks became infamous after their incidents.

Craig Keefe was a nursing student at Central Lakes College in Minnesota when he used Facebook to make “private” derogatory comments about his classmates. The school nevertheless discovered the comments. Because that behavior violated the school’s code of professional conduct outlines in the student handbook, the student was expelled.

Keefe believed he had protection under the First Amendment to publish whatever he pleased as long as his comments didn’t slander anyone, but that was not upheld in court.

Justine Sacco made a bad decision when she, the lead public relations employee at an advertising company, posted a remark that could be considered racist on Twitter right before her airplane took off. Sacco may or may not have thought her “joke” was racist, but when her flight landed and internet service returned to her phone, she discovered she was fired for quipping about being safe from contracting AIDS in Africa because she was white.

As someone who worked in public relations, she should have known better. Good news for Justine. After only seven months of unemployment, she found another job in communications, working for the fantasy sports company facing legal troubles, FanDuel, according to Sacco’s LinkedIn profile.

Ashley Payne did nothing more than post a photo on Facebook holding a couple of drinks. Payne was a teacher, and even if she kept her profile private, a parent spotted the photograph, taken and posted several years prior, and informed the school’s administration.

She was asked to resign immediately, losing her job for a photograph that depicted nothing illegal. Even if she hadn’t touched alcohol since that photograph, because someone could find it, she had to face consequences.

You may think none of this is “fair.” Here’s what you can do.

Don’t use social media to complain about your job or school. If your boss hasn’t found you on Facebook yet, she will. And hiding posts from people isn’t the perfect solution because any vindictive “friend” can take a screenshot and make your post public.

Realize the public doesn’t have your “context.” If you joke about racism often, and your friends encourage you for some reason, don’t expect that anyone outside of your group will also consider your thoughts appealing. There are laws to protect employees from being fired for illegitimate reasons, but if your conduct in public reflects poorly on the company, you’ll quickly find yourself unemployed.

Remember you represent every group you’re a part of. When your actions become a news story, whether globally, nationally, or just within a group larger than your closest friends, you become a scapegoat for everything people don’t like.

If you’re a student at Yale making an insensitive comment about privilege, you now represent all Yale students to someone who’s not. You represent the Ivy League to anyone outside of that community. You also represent all college students to someone of a different age or life path. To someone outside the United States, you now represent all Americans.

You’re an adult. You’re allowed to do anything you want as long as it’s not illegal, and — presumably — it falls within your code of morals or ethics. It’s OK to go out and have some fun. But posting and snapping your drunk selfies is bound to come back and bite you in the ass eventually. Especially if it happens more than once.

You do you. But maybe just don’t post about it if you have any concern for future opportunities.

It’s worse when you’re a member of a minority, especially if you are part of a group that isn’t well understood by others. If your skin color is dark, every mistake you make is seen as a failing of all those who share that skin color. If your sexual orientation or identity is not normative, despite diversity within your group, your attitudes could come to represent the entire group for those on the outside.

Does it matter what other people think of you, even if they’re ignorant? Yes. Once your behavior hits the news, your identity from an external perspective will be reduced to any identifying group that you could represent, regardless of the depth of your character. And sometimes you need to be respected by those people as an individual, and a capable, responsible person.

Yes, these consequences can stifle free expression throughout society. The world has opened up, and what used to be private communication now has the potential to get you in trouble. If you freak out when your boss finds your Twitter account or when your students find the Facebook account you use with your middle name instead of your last name, you may want to change some of your online behavior.

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You spend more time with your eyes on your phone than on the people you love. Save your relationships for living creatures. Read More...

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Harlan L. Landes

I couldn’t wait to get my hands on her. The anticipation lasted months, and finally, she was on her way. Now, I had to be patient, and that was the difficult part. Her timing was unpredictable, through no fault of her own.

Not knowing the precise time she’d show up at my door, I was practically quivering. This was to be our first encounter, and all I could do was wait patiently. My last one was no longer satisfying me, so after I long search, the future would soon be here.

The doorbell rang, and I rushed to greet her. Grabbing her, I tossed her into my apartment, while being careful not to inflict any damage. With the door closed behind us, she was finally all mine.

I grinned.

I opened her right there in the living room, and finally held her in my arms. She was beautiful, and she would be constantly with me from that moment forward. My hands would remain on her throughout most of the day, every day. Every night she would be beside me.

And that’s how my Samsung S8+ and I became an inseparable couple.

My girlfriend’s not happy about this new relationship. “Sami” does get in the way. Often.

But my human companion has her own device she fondles as well, so this is a two-sided problem. Here’s what we’re going to do about it.

My partner noticed recently that when I’m writing or reading, my hands are usually on my device. Even if I’m not actively looking at the phone, I’ve got it in my hands, or it’s in my pocket. It’s touching me every waking hour of my life.

Maybe it’s the tactile warmth of active electronics that activated the pleasure receptors in my brain, or maybe it’s the security of holding onto something, anything. I am sure the manufacturers know all about the physical connection between a man or woman and his or her device, because they keep designing phones that are sleeker, more comfortable to touch, and more beautiful at which to longingly stare.

It’s almost as if they’re trying to sell even more of these devices. Don’t fall for that trick. Any relationship is sure to cost you money, but woo your lover, not your phone.

You have a stronger connection with your phone than you do with your partner because you see it more, touch it more, and interact with it more. Some devices even talk back to you with a “personality” all their own. (Siri’s creepy, right?)

So let’s get back to the point where our hours of staring, our longing gazes are for our intended, not our internet. Welcome to your new cellular plan.

Set aside time each day for purposeful disconnection. Thirty minutes a day away from the Internet is a good start until you alleviate the separation anxiety and don’t freak out from being out of touch for a very small time frame.

In this time, do something that doesn’t require technology on your part. Read a book! Write a story. Draw a picture. Think about your life. Start a business, make some money. See a friend. Call your mom?

Increase your separation time gradually. Eventually, see if you can go half your waking hours without your phone. Suddenly, the world is new! Nature once again exists, you can observe it with your eyes in person, and you can enjoy it.

Go see your friends. Socialization happens when everyone is actively involved in connecting — also known as talking and listening — with each other. Observe your friends. Count how many times each caresses his or her phone-companion.

Get some. Can you put the phone down long enough to have some extended physical and emotional time with your lover or anyone else? Forget the fact that you’re only together because you were both bored on your phones using Tinder. See if you can take your relationship to the next level — the “we don’t have to spend our limited time together sitting on the couch looking at nothing but our phones” level.

Look at each other! Touch each other! It’s so much more exciting than the boring comfort of holding your own device. Now you can explore each others’ devices.

If you know what I mean.

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Put your passions and interests down on paper. It will help you determine your life’s direction and how to spend your time. Read More...

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Harlan L. Landes

Over the last year, I’ve been overwhelmed with possibilities for my life. New opportunities have been arising, and I’m interested in pursuing any number of these, and doing so might change the direction of my life.

The trouble started when I was much younger. Continue reading “Give Yourself Some Direction By Drawing Your Life Map”

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