Category: Living

Reading can give you a different perspective or even change your life. These are some adults’ most influential books. Read More...

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Jana Lynch

When we think of the things that have influenced us, we think of our parents, clergy, coaches, teachers, and friends. All the usual suspects. We think of people who’ve impacted our lives, our thinking, and our careers, and how they’ve changed us or set us on a particular course.

We think about how they’ve helped us make important, life-changing decisions or encouraged us when we simply couldn’t continue to encourage ourselves. They’ve been there for us when we’ve needed it most.

They’ve been our mentors.

At least that’s how it’s been for me.

Books, as well as people, have profoundly influenced me. There have been books that have come into my life when I needed them most (Start by Jon Acuff and The Happiness Project by Gretchen Rubin, for example) or have appeared and proved their worth years later (The Outsiders by S.E. Hinton is the book that made me want to write) or have simply been there are the right time and place (Late, Late at Night by Rick Springfield. Yes. THAT Rick Springfield). They’ve all served a different purpose and have shaped how and who I am now.

Reflecting on the books, fiction and nonfiction, that have changed me, it made me think that I can’t possibly be the only one who’s been profoundly impacted by books. So I asked some people. And, as it turns out, I’m not alone. Many of my friends and colleagues have been affected by books, too.

Disclosure: Adulting.tv may be compensated if you take action after visiting certain links in this article at no cost to you. We stand by our editorial integrity and would not be linking to or discussing this topic if we didn’t believe it was in the best interest of you, our audience.

Here’s what they recommend:

What’s great about this list is that there’s a variety of topics, covering all types of practical skills and lessons. There’s something for everyone!

How about you guys? Have you read any of these?

What are some books that have influenced you?

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Tired of feeling down and out? You can boost your mood almost instantly with a little creative fun. Read More...

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John Schneider

What an amazing time to be alive.

Modern conveniences are more convenient than ever. Last night I FaceTimed with a friend in Australia. That’s two-way video communication with someone on the other side of Earth at minimal expense. That’s some James Bond stuff, right there.

Radio sucks megahertz, but we have access to more diverse music than ever. I can’t tell you the last time I watched TV per TV Guide’s schedule.

This is the age of the gig-entrepreneur. There’s never been a better or easier time to start a business online. The brave souls willing to do so are earning the autonomy to live and work from anywhere in the world whenever they want. W-2 employers are still hesitant to let more employees work remotely. That’s some Fred Flintstone stuff, right there.

Even with all our technology and conveniences, life is still hectic and erratic. It can feel impersonal. It’s easy to feel disconnected and dreary. Here are 10 non-traditional ways to boost your mood when you’re feeling down:

1. Dance naked.

It’s scientifically proven that one can’t dance naked and not feel better when their rump-revealing rhumba is over. Turn on your favorite music, the cheesier the better, and revel in your disrobed disco.

2. Lay in the grass and stare at the sky.

There’s nothing better than the great outdoors to lift one’s spirits when feeling down and out. The best part about this mood enhancer is that it can be done any time of day, nearly any time of year. I have yet to determine which is better, taking in a clear-blue day, seeing shapes in clouds or staring at our intergalactic friends across the cosmos.

3. Do a cartwheel or somersault.

When we’re younger, cartwheels and somersaults are a part of normal life:

“What did you do today Little Johnny?”

“Oh, I played on the jungle gym, sniffed markers and did somersaults until it was time to nap.”

That’s a rational conversation to a seven-year-old. We inevitably grow up and grow out of such carefree fun. We shouldn’t. Cartwheels and somersaults can boost your mood.

Wherever you are, regardless of what you’re doing, bust out a cartwheel or somersault and see if it doesn’t put a smile on your face and the faces of the people around you. If someone frowns on your immature behavior, stick your tongue out at them. It’s the only response.

4. Buy flowers.

10 Things That Will Boost Your Mood Right Now

There was a time when my husband and I were paying off credit card debt. We wanted to pay off this debt fast and put our bad decisions behind us. We cut out most of our discretionary spending. One unnecessary item we didn’t cut out was the regular purchase of fresh-cut flowers.

Even as I write this piece, there’s a vase of fresh cut sunflowers, my personal favorite, on the other side of my laptop. How much does it cost to make me happy for a week? $4.

5. Guiltlessly eat ice cream.

It’s impossible to feel down when eating ice cream on a cone. It’s silly and that’s why it’s awesome. Plus, it’s one of life’s greatest distractions.

If you get two flavors, which goes on the bottom and which goes on the top? Do you get a waffle cone, waffle cone dipped in chocolate, sugar cone, or go old-school with a cake cone? Once your prize is in hand, what’s your strategy to ensure your ice cream doesn’t end up on your hand or, worse, the floor?

Do you give instructions to the inevitable guest taster? How do you get your ice cream cone back in order after the guest taster licks your ice cream cone wrong?

Suddenly, that business meeting is a lot less important.

6. Don’t get out of bed.

I’m of the camp who wakes up at 4:30 am, drinks warm lemon water, meditates for 15 to 20 minutes, exercises, and starts working before most people leave their houses. However, a handful of times a year I hold court in my bed. It’s oh so enjoyable.

Having my coffee or tea in bed while I’m reading a book is as good as reading a book on the beach. Watching 80s reruns provides me warmth and happiness every time I take a bedroom vacation.

You might be surprised at how simply playing hooky from normal life can boost your mood.

7. Bike a ride to nowhere.

Remember your carefree days of riding your bike around the neighborhood? Me, too.

This is why my husband and I recently bought single speed bikes. Being on our bikes gives a different perspective on things we pass every day in our car. Biking is great exercise that exposes us to fresh air and sun, all of which improves our sourest of moods.

8. Take one step to get your dream job.

Are you doing what you love? Even if you’re doing what you went to school for, is the career choice you made at age 18 or 20 the right choice for you today?

As we get older, we create false limitations. We have all sorts of excuses for why we can’t change careers or start a new adventure. Often these limitations focus on the amount of work required to change careers or start a business.

How do you eat an elephant*? One bite at a time.

Take one, small step toward your dream job, whether you follow up on it or not. Reach out to an influencer on LinkedIn. Update your resume. Join an industry-specific group on Facebook.

Here’s a hint. Most corporate email addresses follow the “FirstName.LastName@CompanyName.com” format. Take a chance and ask rock stars in your dream industry for informational interviews.

One small step toward a goal provides a sense of accomplishment and hope that lifts any spirit.

* Don’t eat elephants.

9. Memorize a stand-up comedy sketch.

YouTube is as good as the Library of Congress when it comes to classic comedy sketches. Memorize a bit from such comedy gods as Richard Pryor, George Carlin, Gilda Radnor, or anyone who makes you laugh. This will make you the funniest person at the next office party and it’ll crack you up while you’re learning it.

1o. Have sex.

Whether alone or with a partner, put your phone down and get busy. Sex releases the mood-enhancer oxytocin. This is scientifically proven to make you feel better.

Whether solo or with a partner, sex before bed makes you sleep better and might make you feel happier and better rested the next day.

You don’t have to break the bank to boost your mood.

Most of my mood-enhancing recommendations are free or cheap and accessible to most anyone. Don’t hold back. When you’re done dancing naked in your bedroom, somersault your way into sex in bed with an ice cream nightcap.

When you’re done dancing naked in your bedroom, somersault your way into sex in bed with an ice cream nightcap.

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It’s the end of an era. Now you have to decide how to respond on social media. Read More...

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Zina Kumok

Breaking up used to be so much simpler.

While the heartbreak never changes, the fallout of a nasty separation didn’t used to be so toxic. When relationships fell apart, it was entirely possible to move on without frequent reminders of what you once had.

Those days are loooooooooooong gone.

With the relatively recent rise of social media as a primary form of communication, the private has become public. Breakups are now events witnessed by everyone in your news feed, and any semblance of a dignified separation can be shattered by a single insensitive comment on Instagram.

So how can you move on without embarrassing yourself or your ex on the internet? How do you navigate the waters of breakup etiquette in this new digital landscape?

Avoid vaguebooking.

It’s tempting to spill your guts on social media after you’ve been dumped. Usually, that takes the form of an indirect, passive-aggressive message about loss, love, and life. But don’t think vagueness is fooling anyone. All your friends know who those Taylor Swift lyrics are referring to.

It will make you look desperate and pathetic if you publicize you broken heart all over the internet. Solution? Buy a journal and write in it every time you’re tempted to go public with those feelings.

Journal therapy can decrease anxiety, depression, and grief, so it can likely help you mend. Schedule a daily time to write down your thoughts, or keep a notebook around you when you’re tempted to write a melodramatic novel on Facebook.

Don’t delete your photos.

If you’ve spent enough time with someone, you likely have proof of your relationship all over Facebook. You may be tempted to remove all that evidence — especially if you’re angry about being dumped.

Don’t do that.

At some point, when you feel less bitter, you may want to look at those photos and even remember them fondly. No one stays a jilted lover forever, and you may be grateful for your past relationships when you see where they’ve led you.

Plus, deleting photos shows you’re not prepared to handle the breakup in a mature way. If you’ve tagged other people besides your ex in the photos, they may be bummed to find out their memories are gone too.

Abstain from social media altogether.

How to Handle Breakup on Social Media

Spending time on social media is not the answer any time you’re feeling emotional. Studies indicate that social media use can cause people to crave attention and seek it in unhealthy ways.

Try detaching from your phone and temporarily deleting your social apps. Seeing happy couples on Instagram might fuel jealousy. Finding out your ex has already moved on through Facebook is even worse.

You don’t have to give up your phone. You can use apps like Duolingo to brush up on your Spanish or Headspace to practice meditating. New habits will help you move on, and focusing on personal improvement can help you come out the other side a better person.

If you’re having trouble staying away, use extensions such as StayFocusd or Simple Blocker to limit how much time you can spend on social media. Other apps like BreakFree Cell Phone Addiction will send an alert when you’ve been on your phone too long.

Ignore your ex.

Everyone loves to Facebook and Instagram stalk, and there’s no better subject than a recent ex. When you start stalking, it can be impossible to stop. If your ex is active on social, you’ll likely find photos of them having fun, enjoying their new single status or, even worse, dating someone else.

I used to spend hours looking up ex-boyfriends on social after getting dumped. Trust me: I wish I could take back that time. I would have found out when they’d moved on anyway, and I could have been doing something healthy or productive instead.

Looking up your ex on social is an exercise in masochism. It won’t help you move on.

Looking up your ex on social is an exercise in masochism. It won't help you move on.Click To Tweet

Delete personal comments off your page.

Everyone has a nosy aunt who loves to comment on any and every event in their life. It may not even occur to her that when she posts, “Sorry to hear you and Adam broke up!” everyone — including Adam — can see it.

If you see comments like that, delete them and message that individual privately. They may not realize what they’re doing and assume it’s like sending you a personal email. Be polite, but firmly explain why it’s not appropriate to make those statements on a public forum.

We’re all trying to navigate the new media landscape the best we can, but it can be hard for some people to discern what’s appropriate and what’s not. Setting clear boundaries for what you allow for discussion publicly makes it easier for everyone involved.

If you’ve broken up with someone recently, how did you deal with it on social media?

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We think homeownership is a big part of the American Dream. But is it? REALLY? Read More...

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John Schneider

America and the world were different in 1931 when James Truslow Adams first scrawled his vision of “the American Dream.”

Indeed, Adams’ sentiment was more idealistic than materialistic. It wasn’t until post-WWII that the American Dream of a rich life full of opportunities included a house.

To be fair, Gerald O’Hara did tell Scarlet that “land is the only thing in the world worth workin’ for, worth fightin’ for, worth dyin’ for, because it’s the only thing that lasts.” It’s easy to see how the beliefs of Adams and O’Hara morphed into a McMansion-bubble-bursting-cog of America’s “too big to fail” economy.

Today we travel more, marry later, have fewer kids, and most of us have 10 jobs even before we turned 40. When our phones broke free from walls, we too broke free. Homeownership peaked in 2004 and is now at its lowest point in 21 years.

If you’re wondering if homeownership is right for you right now, here are nine reasons to rent instead of buy — at least for a little longer.

1. You’re too lazy to pick up a finger to help.

If you’d rather chase Pokemon in your back yard than stop mice from entering your house, or if you’d rather watch House than maintain one, you may be too lazy to be a homeowner.

Houses aren’t reliable. If words like “broke,” “leak,” “patch,” “paint,” “fix,” and “repair” seem less like reasons to roll up your sleeves and more like reasons to kick up your feet, owning a home may not be right for you.

2. You couldn’t help even if you wanted to.

If it’s not possible for you to help because it’s not possible for you to help, homeownership will be an expensive proposition for you. When the faucet leaks and you’re not the guy, or when it’s time to winterize your house and you’re not the gal, you will have to hire someone to take care of business.

As a renter, though, you simply call your landlord to fix the home you don’t own.

3. You’re not sure which direction your life (or relationship, or career) will go.

Even if you aren’t lazy or useless, but you’re surer of who John Snow’s parents are then where you’ll be in one year (let alone five), you might want to rent instead of buy.

Buying a home is expensive. Your agent, the seller’s agent, and Uncle Sam all want their cut. There are fees for home inspection, appraisal, title changes, lender’s origination, and more.

The best means to counterbalance this tab of homeownership is time. But what you if you don’t have the time? Homeownership is a commitment, and it helps to have an idea of where you’re going before you make that commitment.

4. You’re sure as hell things won’t stay the same.

You know those friends who were so much fun and then bought an overpriced home in a cul-de-sac overrun by offspring? You know why they don’t go out anymore? It’s because they’re house poor.

Not only are houses expensive to buy, but they’re also expensive to manicure and maintain. This is why many homeowners become homebodies. If the thought of spending all your free time in your four walls makes you funny, owning a home will be more drama than comedy.

5. You’re contemplating a change in family situation.

9 Signs You Should Rent Instead of Buy

If you and your partner might become the human equivalent of Matryoshka dolls, any home purchase made today could be too small or too large tomorrow.

It’s easy to right-size for your family with rental properties. It’s not that same with purchased properties. Your changing size could mean you need more room to grow sooner than you thought. When the size of your family is firmly settled, it’s time to purchase a permanent settlement.

6. You’re ferociously independent.

If homeownership even remotely feels like living on Wisteria Lane in “little boxes made of ticky-tacky,” surrounded by Joanna Eberhart characters, then homeownership may not be right for you.

Unlike college, you can’t move away from co-dependent neighbors every semester. Even when you do escape, someone needs to take care of your house while you’re gone.

Don’t want to be tied down? Buying a home will tie you down in a way renting never could.

7. You’re too poor.

Notwithstanding the cost of maintenance, most people shouldn’t buy a house with anything less than 20% down on a fixed rate mortgage.

Sure, there are flexible loans, but they weren’t so flexible in 2008 when balloon payments contributed to problems for many homeowners. You can buy a home with less than 20% down, but with risk-based pricing your lender will likely use will charge you a higher interest rate. You will also have to pay private mortgage insurance.

Don’t forget that discussion we already had about being house poor. You don’t want your home to suck up all your disposable income. Run the numbers. It still might be better for you to rent instead of buy.

Run the numbers. It still might be better for you to rent instead of buy.Click To Tweet

8. You aren’t detail oriented.

When was the last time someone you knew bought a nest and didn’t remodel it with the conviction of a 1980s teenager BeDazzling a jacket for her first Madonna concert? The problem with home décor bought at Michael’s is that it looks like it.

Home décor not bought at Michaels increases costs too quickly for the less detail-oriented to care. HGTV-inspired remodels increase home values, but not enough to see a 100% return.

9. Finally, homes suck.

That is, the cost of a home sucks all the money out of your bank account. While homes can be good investments, for the average household they bogart most or all investment options. Investment diversification is integral to investment success.

Asset classes don’t move in tandem and 2008 proved Carlton Sheets wrong. Homes do depreciate. Consider your whole investment portfolio and don’t put your potential home purchase in an investment silo.

I’m a homeowner. But for three of the nine reasons above I wish I wasn’t. Because my husband and I perfectly timed buying our condo just before the market crashed in 2008, it’s been “amusing.”

If you’re considering buying your own home, it’s a long-term investment and, like Bon Jovi songs, not always a bed of roses.

Listen to this related podcast.

Can you rent forever and still be an adult? We think so. Here’s why we love renting.
Can you rent forever and still be an adult? We think so. Here’s why we love renting.

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Leave your worries behind and start meditating. It’s like a vacation for your mind. Read More...

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Miranda Marquit

Are you struggling with stress? Do you wish you had time to slow down and relax?

A few years ago, I was in the same boat: overwhelmed, worried, concerned that I didn’t have enough time to just sit.

That’s when I started meditating.

You don’t need a lot of time to start meditating; you don’t even need to do it every day. Begin a meditation practice, and you might be surprised at the benefits.

Here’s why you should start meditating.

Meditation seems like it’s some feel-good fluff. And there are some “masters” and “gurus” out there that peddle plenty of feel-good fluff as part of their meditation programs.

I’m not into all that. I like meditation because it comes with real benefits for your body and mind.

First of all, you can lower your stress levels, which in turn impacts other areas of your life, particularly your heart. Studies indicate that meditation might help lower your blood pressure and reduce your likelihood of stroke and heart attack.

Your emotional and mental health can be positively impacted as well. Meditation can calm you, allowing you to deal with unexpected events in a more positive manner — and improve your mood, which helps you in your interactions with your partner, friends, and children.

Meditation can even change your brain structure in beneficial ways. It might even help stave off the impacts of aging on the brain. Enhanced cognition and attention can help you boost your productivity and improve your ability to focus on your goals.

A few weeks ago, I got out of the practice of meditating. I felt too busy. One day skipped turned into another day skipped. I didn’t even realize I was skipping until Harlan brought up my stress levels, associated with my recent illness. “Are you meditating?”

After honestly considering his question, I discovered that I needed to start meditating again. So I picked up my practice. Here’s how I got back into it — and how you can start your own meditation practice:

Start with short periods of time.

Slow Down. Breathe. Start Meditating.

When we think of meditation, we picture someone sitting cross-legged for hours at a time, humming. That’s not practical. No one is going to just carve out an hour of the day out of nowhere.

Instead, start meditating for much shorter periods of time. I like a five-minute meditation for anytime I feel like I’m flagging during the day. There’s nothing wrong with meditating for five minutes each day. You could even break it out into three five-minute sessions. Other people I know start the day with a five-minute meditation and then re-focus throughout the day with a one- or two-minute meditation every couple of hours.

If you want to increase the amount of meditating you do each day, do so gradually.

I like to start the day with a moving meditation while I run through the yoga poses that make up the sun salutation. I usually set aside 20 minutes for meditation partway through the day, and then I use a guided meditation to help me fall asleep at night.

Figure out what works for you, and stick with that. The important thing is to get started — no matter how much time you spend meditating each day.

Use guided meditation to stay focused.

I get distracted by my thoughts all the time. So, even though I’ve been meditating for years, I still use guided meditations. You can find guided meditations for lengths of time ranging from five minutes to two or three hours.

I’ve tried all sorts of things: finger meditating, meditation balls, focusing on my breath, using mantras. None of it keeps me focused like a guided meditation. Don’t feel like you have to be able to sit there on your own and become one with the universe to be successful. Swallow your pride and make use of YouTube or a meditation app on your phone to find guided help.

Adopt any position you want.

My favorite position for meditation? Corpse.

Really, it’s just lying down. And I like it. When I’m meditating during the day, I lay on my back, palms facing up. At bedtime, I just lay on my side. It’s about comfort.

You can meditate sitting on a chair, standing up, or laying down. Figure out what’s most comfortable for you, and just go for it. There’s no one “right” way to meditate.

Figure out what's most comfortable for you, and just go for it. There's no one "right" way to meditate.Click To Tweet

Meditate while moving.

Slow Down. Breathe. Start Meditating.

Did you know you can meditate while moving? There are walking meditations. Sometimes I turn my lap swimming into a swimming meditation. I start my morning by meditating while doing yoga.

You can enter a mindful state while doing any number of activities, from coloring to playing music (both of which come with a bevy of benefits). Don’t assume you have to shut yourself away in a room for effective meditation.

Mindfulness is key.

Effective meditation is all about mindfulness. The idea is to connect to the present, and let thoughts and worries about the past or the future go. Whatever you need to do in order to achieve that state of mind is totally acceptable.

And, as with all things, it takes practice. It can be challenging at first, but as you begin to see the results of your meditation efforts, you’ll be hooked, and likely look for ways to take your practice to the next level.

Are you starting meditation? How do you make time? What are your best tips for effective meditation?

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It’s not all rainbows and unicorns when you work from home. Here’s how to stay focused on what really matters when you don’t have a boss breathing down your neck. Read More...

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Zina Kumok

When you start working from home, the future looks paved with gold.

No commute, no pesky coworkers, and no distractions. Right?

Unfortunately, reality always rears its ugly head. While you may have more free time on paper, it’s easy to let those hours slip through your fingers when you become your own boss. The fear of underperforming starts to disappear, and by the time you realize how much your productivity has slipped it could be too late.

Rather than learning the hard way, nip those lazy tendencies in the bud. Here are three strategies for staying focused when working from home, cobbled together from over 10 years of experience as a freelance journalist and blogger:

Analyze your distractions.

In the 13 months I’ve been working from home, I’ve found a few repeat distractions: I can’t work if it’s messy around me, I need to sit in a real chair (not the couch), and I can’t be distracted by conversation.

Your distractions might be different. Maybe you need total silence. Maybe working too close to the kitchen inspires too many snack breaks. If you need silence, get noise-cancelling headphones. Move your home office further from the kitchen.

Everyone has different preferences, so analyze how you feel working in various spaces. Even though I feel most comfortable working in bed, it’s not where I’m most productive. I have to sit at a desk or table to feel like I’m working.

Use technology to help you.

Use Technology to Stay Focused

I’m attached to my phone 24/7, and I recognize that it’s my biggest barrier to productivity. I try to leave it in a different room when I’m working or keep it out of sight (right now it’s behind my laptop where I can’t see it). Some people also turn their WiFi off to avoid the lure of surfing the internet.

Technology can either help you stay on track or derail you entirely. If you’re interested in leveling up, here are some of my favorite apps and tools:

  • StayFocusd. I use this app to limit how much time I can spend on Facebook and other addictive sites. You can allot yourself a certain amount of time for different websites, keeping you abreast of your daily news feeds without allowing yourself to drown in them.
  • Kill News Feed. This app blocks my Facebook news feed so I don’t go down the black hole of updates. This is mostly so I can only use Facebook to update my blog’s Facebook page and check in the professional groups I’m part of. It doesn’t stop you from Facebook stalking your ex, though, so I use it conjunction with StayFocusd.
  • Simple Blocker. This is another app that blocks any website you want (Reddit and Wikipedia are two other big culprits for me). You can enter as many websites as you like.
  • Tomato Timer. I love using the Pomodoro Method (25 minutes on task with five-minute breaks) and this website simplifies the process. It’s much better than setting a Google “five-minute timer” over and over.
  • Trello. Trello is one of my favorite to-do apps. You create cards for each task and can assign specific due dates, upload documents, and even transfer them to other people. I have a variety of Trello boards for writing assignments, working on my blog, creating my course, and more. I have one Trello board that I use for organizing article ideas that I can use when pitching clients.

One of my low-tech standbys for staying focused when working from home is an old-fashioned paper planner. At the beginning of each month, I write down what I have to do that month and assign those tasks to specific work days. That way, I know on each day what I’m supposed to do.

Find an accountability partner.

One of the biggest reasons I stay focused is that I have an accountability group I check in with daily. We share what we did the day before and our goals for today.

One day I was feeling sick and lazy and reported that I hadn’t completed any of my goals. One of my accountability partners immediately responded and ask what he could do to help me reach my goals. He asked what was holding me back. I felt so guilty that I completed all my tasks as soon as I signed off.

When you work from home, you likely don’t have anyone standing over your shoulder wondering why you’re looking at Buzzfeed listicles or cat videos instead of working. Finding an accountability group can help you re-create the atmosphere of a boss monitoring your productivity. If you do get stuck on a project, you’ll also have someone to brainstorm with.

My group uses Slack to check in. It’s easier to use than text and can be done on your phone or your desktop.

Working from home offers amazing advantages, but you do need to stay focused. What are your best strategies for staying on task when you work from home?

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You want a furry friend to give you unconditional love. But are you ready to give that unconditional love to a pet? It’s a big responsibility. Read More...

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John Schneider

I had a dog when I was younger.

When I was nine, my parents took her to the most wonderful farm in the world where she’s playing and frolicking with other dogs as we speak. It has large, spacious fields and it’s always sunny. Somedays she’s even visited by unicorns, my mom tells me.

I’ve lived the rest of my life without a dog. I’m doing okay. I stopped missing having someone as excited to see me upon my return home. I grew up and grew independent of the need for a canine companion.

Or so I thought.

Am I ready for a pet?

Lately, I struggle. I pine for a pet dog.

I was doing well, but then Facebook happened. Grumpy cats. Gigantic dogs who don’t understand personal space. Baby goats in pajamas. These pet memes and videos get me every time. Every. Single. Time.

Apparently, baby goats, even dressed in footie pajamas, require a special permit to keep in your yard. Plus, the city “will, under no condition, permit goats to live in a twelfth floor of a high-rise.” I live in a city with a “greenhouse” on every corner, but bring up baby goats and you’d think I plan to lend my vacuum cleaner to my neighbor.

Maybe I’m not mature enough for a pet. How does one even know they’re ready for an old, run-of-the-mill dog, cat, or fish? Are you ready for a pet of the more exotic variety, perhaps a bird or turtle?

I researched online to help me decide if I’m ready for a pet. Owning a pet is serious business today, more so than my nine-year-old self remembers. There are quizzes to take that ask such personal questions as:

  • Do you expect to have children within the next fifteen years?
  • Do you live in your mom’s basement?
  • Are you broke?

I’m absolutely positive my parents didn’t take a quiz when they debated whether or not to buy our dog, Cindy (yes, my drag queen name would be Cindy Cloverly). I’m also certain my parents wouldn’t tell some website, even if they could, whether or not they were “broke.”

This is what you need to be ready.

Are You Ready for a Pet?

While you might not need to have “perfect” answers to questions about your finances and living arrangements, you should make sure you know what you’re getting into. At the very least, here are some basics to get ready for a pet:

  1. Have the time and temperament to train and socialize a pet
  2. Make sure you’re financially prepared to care for a pet
  3. Commit to keeping your pet for its life
  4. Ensure everyone in your household wants (and isn’t allergic to) pets
  5. Ensure your home (apartment or homeowners association) allows for and is conducive to pets

Don’t overthink this, though, like the “responsible” parents in Idiocracy. The premise of this all-to-prescient movie is that all the responsible parents postpone having their 1.7 children until the perfect time. The “less-responsible” parents are like compounding interest and each couple has a multitude of kids at exponentially higher rates than the responsible couples.

Of course, in that movie, the president of the United States ends up being a former professional wrestler. Sigh.

A friend of mine once said, “There’s never a perfect time to have kids.” Sure, we dream of the ideal scenario, but we rarely achieve all the variables. We could work towards our fantasy, never get there, and then we never have our pet . . . or kid.

Two key questions tell if you are REALLY ready.

Determining when you’re ready for a pet, kid, or partner comes down to two questions:

  1. Are you ready to receive love?
  2. Are you ready to give love?

If you can answer yes to both of these questions, you’re prepared to give a pet the time, attention, and care it needs.

Are you perfect? No.

Will you make mistakes? Yes.

But if you’re ready to give love, you’ll learn from your mistakes and continue to make a better life for your pet. If you’re ready to give love, you’ll do your best each day to care for your pet. If you’re ready to give love, you’ll make sure your home is conducive to your pet’s needs and you’ll do your best to keep your pet happy, healthy, and safe.

If you’re ready to receive unconditional love, you’ll give love back ten times over and your pet will be your friend, companion, and family for life.

What I’ve learned from these quizzes and lists is that they are created by pet lovers with the best of intentions — and they want to make sure that you’re a pet lover with the best of intentions.

If you’re ready to receive and give love, your intentions are good.

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Sometimes life doesn’t go the way you want or plan. Can you be resilient? Read More...

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Life doesn’t always go as planned. In fact, for most of us, life almost never goes as planned.

Concepts

  • The role of resilience and how resilience is achieved.
  • You can’t control other people, but you can control how you react.
  • How to turn disappointments into opportunities.
  • Tips for turning rejections into motivation.
  • Planning outwards to avoid curveballs.
  • Six competencies for resilience.
  • Tips for identifying your values so you can set better goals to change your life.

Listen for our “do-nows” for specific actions you can take immediately to better handle situations that distract you from your goals and purpose. We’ll also answer a listener question.

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Resources

The New YorkerHow people learn to become resilient
Hosted byHarlan Landes and Miranda Marquit
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The controversial Myers-Briggs Personality Type Indicator may not be perfect, but it’s fun. What’s your type? Read More...

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Harlan L. Landes

You’ve seen the quizzes online. You may have even completed a personality assessment. I’ve taken this test many times since I was a teenager, and I’ve always received the same result. Consistency is just as good as accuracy, right?

This test is the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator (MBTI), or one of many adaptations. It’s designed to provide some insight to your personality type — a definition of how you tend to react in certain situations and possibly how you view the world.

Why do we care?

The test results are an effective icebreaker. When you know your type, as indicated by four letters representing four dimensions of personality traits, you have a shortcut to providing people you meet with a quick understanding of yourself. When an “INFP” meets an “ENFJ,” they each know a little bit more about each other. A little.

But it there any scientific proof that people fall into on of sixteen categories? It’s sketchy.

Does it matter? As long as you’re not using the results to guide decisions that affect people’s lives, there’s nothing wrong with a little entertainment.

This is huge in the corporate world.

The full Myers-Briggs evaluation goes into significant detail, well beyond the four assigned letters.

My work group, while I was working at an insurance company, spent two days taking the full evaluation, including “Step II,” and meeting with expert consultants to review how our personality types related to our interactions with co-workers and affected our ability to be productive for the company.

The consultants proctor a test that is supposedly more complete than the free online quizzes. They offer results that go into much deeper detail, primed for discussion about how we can all get along better in the office. Step II goes on to show how far on each dimension’s spectrum you happen to fall. For example, while I classify as “introverted,” it’s not an extreme identifier. I fall very close to the border between extraversion and introversion.

This is a lucrative industry for the Myers-Briggs Foundation, named after the two researchers who saw Carl Jung’s ideas about psychology almost a hundred years ago and dived deep into the subject (without any training in psychology — which was not as widespread a field of study as it is today).

For me the tests have been reliable, providing the same result (INFP, if you’re keeping track) time and time again, but I may have “learned” how to answer the questions in the test in such a way to produce that particular result. It’s not that hard to figure out.

Psychology Today points out that many self-evaluations like this produce unpredictable results. Its popularity endures because people like insight about themselves and others, and the MBTI conveniently categorizes (and generalizes) everyone into what appear to be sixteen distinct buckets.

The sorting hat has spoken.

Reviewing the category descriptions is like reading a horoscope or going to a fortune-teller. You’re bound to connect and resonate with some comments within your evaluation and say, “Wow! This totally sounds like me!” Here’s what one popular quiz has to say about my personality type, INFP, also known as “The Mediator” sometimes and “The Idealist” other times. “The Healer” shows up for INFP, as well.

INFP personalities are true idealists, always looking for the hint of good in even the worst of people and events, searching for ways to make things better. While they may be perceived as calm, reserved, or even shy, INFPs have an inner flame and passion that can truly shine. Comprising just 4% of the population, the risk of feeling misunderstood is unfortunately high for the INFP personality type – but when they find like-minded people to spend their time with, the harmony they feel will be a fountain of joy and inspiration.

Wow! This totally sounds like me! I have passion! I’m often calm and reserved! I always look for the good in people! I’m special and part of a select group! There’s a good chance it sounds like you, too.

INFPs like me would probably be sorted into Hufflepuff.

Here’s another:

INFPs struggle with the issue of their own ethical perfection, e.g., performance of duty for the greater cause. An INFP friend describes the inner conflict as not good versus bad, but on a grand scale, Good vs. Evil. Luke Skywalker in Star Wars depicts this conflict in his struggle between the two sides of “The Force.” Although the dark side must be reckoned with, the INFP believes that good ultimately triumphs.

Wow! This totally sounds like me! I identify with Luke Skywalker!

Of course people are going to like and share the Myers-Briggs evaluation and results. Every single one of the 16 possible personality types focuses on positive traits and makes the tester feel good!

There is not one negative comment in any of the evaluations — and in real life, there are certainly negative personality traits that get in the way of collaboration and success.

The official MBTI experts call these definitions tendencies or preferences, not hard rules, so even if the descriptions don’t exactly represent one’s personality, they can still claim accuracy. If the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator is armchair psychology or even junk science, asking about someone’s type is still slightly better than asking about someone’s astrological sign. And learning anything about someone’s personality allows you to relate better to them. This is beneficial at work and helpful in your personal life.

Let’s break it down.

What's Your Myers-Briggs Personality Type?

The first letter in the MBTI can be an I or E, and this represents extraversion. Like any of the dimensions in the evaluation, you can fall anywhere on the spectrum from “totally introverted,” through “something in the middle,” to “totally extraverted.” But these words don’t mean what you think they mean. To be extraverted means you draw your energy from socialization and being around and interacting with other people. Introverted people tend to be able to interact and socialize just as well, but need time alone afterwards to recharge.

The next dimension has “intuitive” on one side of the scale and “sensing” on the other side, represented by N or S. Those who tend towards sensing rely on information provided to them through their five senses to discover truth. Intuitive people go beyond sensory stimuli, finding patterns that reveal truth when interpreted.

In the third slot, the T stands for thinking and the F stands for feeling. You might as well ask someone if they’re “left-brained” or “right-brained,” because this is the same type of categorization. How do you make decisions? If you try to rely on logic most of the time, you’re a “thinker,” but if you go with your gut, you may be a “feeler.”

Finally, subjects are categorized into buckets that depend on whether they’re evaluated as “judging” or “perceiving” (J or P). Judging does not mean judgmental, but it does represent a preference for to-do lists, schedules, and closure. People with a perceiving preference are spontaneous and like having many possibilities open.

The result is sixteen unique combinations, and each has been given “names.”

16 Myers-Briggs Personality Types

Take the test.

Keeping the limitations in mind, you can still use a test to learn a little bit about your personality and get a morale boost if you’re feeling down. Understanding yourself is one of the keys to being a successful adult. Maybe it’ll be a good conversation starter. It probably won’t fully define you.

Try this test at Psych Central. It won’t take very long.

Return here and share your personality type!

You never know when you’ll connect with someone over their personality type.

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Do you need caffeine and booze to make life bearable? While there’s nothing wrong with enjoying our drinks, you can create more in your life. Read More...

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John Schneider

Neither Socrates, nor Plato, nor any of their peers past or present, ever had a more profound puzzle: is it too late for coffee or too early for wine?

At my old job, the line for morning coffee was as long as that single line at Wal-Mart (even though Wal-Mart knows it has another 24 lines it could open). When I go out for dinner, some fancy people I know get coffee with, or instead of, dessert. I wonder if they have trouble sleeping that night or if they have plans for afterward and I’m not included. If it’s the latter, I hope they suffer the former.

Then there’s wine. The type of wine I drink is predicated on the season. In summer, I like a crisp, minerally white wine or vino verde. Try a glass of vino verde and tell me you don’t drink it like water, too. As the seasons become colder, I migrate from light rosés to medium pinots to thick zinfandels. The type of wine to drink is never the question for me. It’s the time of day to drink the wine that is.

It’s in my DNA. My father has a martini at 3 p.m. every day. He’s not entirely sure when I was born, but no matter the day of week or time zone he’s in, he knows instinctively when it’s 3 p.m.

My sister and I have an ongoing competition to see who can best the other at finding the funniest drinking meme. She’s currently winning with “Exercise makes you look better naked. So does wine. Your choice.” I can’t credit anyone, but it’s neither hers nor mine.

Are you complacent?

These questions are a first-world problem, aren’t they? I mean, these are questions of luxury to some people. In our own country in different times, these were questions asked only of the upper class. Today, it seems, the only reason the middle class survives is because of coffee and wine. In New York City, you can’t swing an Asian palm civet without hitting an underemployed hipster carrying a Ball jar of cold steeped coffee.

As a member of the middle class, I’m happy for this improvement in our quality of life. I’m also concerned about our complacency. If we spend all day, every day tacking from coffee to wine to coffee again, when do we go forward?

I find when I “need” coffee to get me through the morning and wine to get me through, well, the rest of the day, I’m not centered. Let’s be real. Caffeine and alcohol are drugs. In moderation, they’re not bad. In fact, some research suggests both in moderation are good for us. When they become a need or when I drink them in excess, I can tell I’m not living according to my purpose.

Are you lying on a nail?

Les Brown used to tell the story of a man who passed on his way to work each morning an elderly couple on their porch. Their dog lay next to them each morning and groaned uncomfortably.

One day, the man finally said, “Pardon me ma’am, but I walk by your house every morning on my way to work and every morning your dog is lying on the porch groaning. Why is he groaning?” The woman said, “Cause, baby, he’s lying on a nail.” The man replied, “If he’s lying on a nail, why doesn’t he get up?” She said, “Because he’s uncomfortable enough to groan about it, but not uncomfortable enough to do anything about it.”

I wonder if, for bean and grape drinkers, coffee and wine make lying on our nails tolerable. This is a question we should ask at the peak of our craving. At that very moment when we might explode if we don’t get a cup or glass to our mouth soon enough, we should ask why we so strongly crave this liquid to lips contact. Only when we understand our craving can we know if we’re numbing ourselves from our nail.

Did we expect things to be different? Is ours the definition of success we imagined on graduation day? Are we physically here but mentally there? Have we settled?

Are your friends lying on nails?

John Hughes’ movies don’t tell the story of his characters in adulthood. His movies have happy endings, but we don’t know what happened when his characters joined the 9-to-5 grind. For all we know, Jeanie Bueller’s on Xanax, Duckie’s on Paxil, and John Bender’s on Lorazepam.

Jim Rohn said we’re the average of the five people with whom we spend the most time. If everyone in our life lives for the weekend, are we dead Monday through Friday? If all our friends are still in detention, we’re likely in detention too.

Find happiness between coffee and wine.

To start working on our dreams, we should surround ourselves with others working on their dreams. We should let these people raise our game and help them raise theirs – challenge them and they’ll challenge us.

We don’t have to leave our friends and family forever. It’s just that in order to live our best lives, we need to find people who are doing more and being more. We can then return to our friends and family and help them live their best lives.

This, also, isn’t to say that we can’t have coffee and wine. It’s just to say that there is happiness between coffee and wine if we look for it.

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