Miranda Marquit, Author at Adulting

One of the most important relationships in your life is the one you have with money. Make sure you build a lasting connection to your finances. Read More...

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Miranda Marquit

Do you feel connected to your money?

One of my biggest fears is that apps will get in the way of my relationship to my money.

While apps like Mint make it easy to see where your money is going and get a handle on your finances, these apps aren’t everything.

In fact, they can get in the way of your relationship to your money. And that’s a problem. If you want to have the best results with your finances, you need to feel connected to your money.

Personal finance is hands-on.

One of the biggest problems I have with apps is the fact that you don’t really have to think about what you’re doing with your money.

Just sync up your account and check every now and again to see if you have the money available to make a purchase.

This approach doesn’t encourage you to think about what you’re spending your money on — or why you’re spending it. One of the biggest mistakes I made with money was spending without know my priorities.

When you’re connected to your money, you pay attention to the reasons behind your spending. If you step away from the app and track your spending manually, you develop a more intimate relationship with your finances.

And you know exactly what’s going on.

Even though I use personal finance software (Moneydance), I refuse to sync up it up with my accounts. Instead, I update everything manually. I go in there, receipts in hand, and log every purchase.

This forces me to confront the reality that sometimes the things I spend on don’t match my priorities or help me reach my goals. I spot problems faster — and can work to solve problems faster as a result.

Money is a tool.

Being connected to your money allows you to see it as a tool, rather than an end itself.

How many times have you lamented your lack of cash? I’ve been there. I know what it’s like to think that money is going to solve your problems.

The fact of the matter is that more money won’t change your habits. If you’re just looking at your app in despair, you’re not going to really get in there and tackle the underlying problems.

Look at money as a tool. It can help you do what you want.

With money, you can save for that vacation, plan for a truly golden retirement, and even provide for the security of your family.

Building that connection takes more than just looking at the cool graphs some app provides you. Instead, it’s about planning. You need to check in with your finances. Is your money plan working? Is it helping you reach your lifestyle goals?

Being connected to your money is about knowing what you have coming in, and being aware of how you direct those resources so that you are building something of value in your life.

What about automation?

Even though I’m not a fan of using apps to sync up my bank accounts, I am a fan of automated finances.

Rather than write check after check, I like setting my accounts up for automatic payments. My insurance, internet, and other bills are automatically taken care of. Hell, I even donate to charity using my credit card to make automatic payments.

When I first started automating everything, I wanted to make sure I didn’t end up becoming disconnected from my money. So I make it a point to manually enter purchases into my personal finance software. I also reconcile my accounts every month.

Many people think that they don’t need to reconcile their accounts each month. After all, thanks to online banking, it’s possible to look at all of your account each day if you want. You can look at what’s cleared and catch fraudulent charges quickly.

However, I like reconciling my accounts. It forces me to review all of my spending again and look at patterns. When I reconcile an account, it means that I have to stay connected — even though I automate my finances for the most part.

You don’t have to give up your apps.

Of course, you don’t have to give up your apps to remain connected to your money.

There are plenty of ways to stay connected to your finances, no matter how you choose to manage your money. Here are some things you should do on a regular basis to ensure that you and your money maintain a strong relationship:

Review your spending regularly. Don’t just glance at a graph or get your information from an app. At least once a month really dig in there. Look at some of the individual purchases you make. Do those things match your priorities? Are you starting to drift into “wasting money” territory?
Review your investments. From your retirement account to any sort of taxable investment account, you should regularly check in with your returns. Does what you’re setting aside still make sense for your goals? Have you seen an increase in income that means you should be investing more?
Create a long-term financial plan. Put together a long-term financial plan that looks at your finances holistically. Pay attention to where you are now, and use your life map to hone in on your priorities. Create a long-term financial plan that takes into account your goals and lifestyle requirements.
Make adjustments as needed. It’s not just about making a plan and then forgetting about it. You should revisit your long-term plan at least once a year and make adjustments as needed. Life changes you. Your goals change. You need to change things up.

Remember: your money works for you. However, if you aren’t paying attention and if you aren’t connected to your money, it won’t do you any good. Pretty soon, you’ll find you’re a slave to your finances.

There are plenty of great financial tools that can help you move forward in life. From apps to automatic payments, you can use these tools to streamline your finances.

But you can’t let them come between you and your money.

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You don’t want your work performance to suffer because of SAD. If you experience a seasonal problem, take steps to reduce the impact. Read More...

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Miranda Marquit

It’s been pretty dreary around here lately.

It’s been cold and cloudy. We went a whole week without seeing the sun.

Maybe you’re in the same boat. Maybe you feel stressed, anxious, and down for no reason that you can put your finger on. Or perhaps you think it might be because of gloomy weather and the fact that it’s so dark for so much of the day still.

Those feelings you feel are real. It’s called Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD). Yep. It’s a Thing. And it could be dragging you down at work and in other areas of your life.

Here’s what you need to know with SAD affecting your work:

What is SAD?

Seasonal Affective Disorder is a type of depression that comes out as the seasons change. It can result in feelings of anxiety, stress, and depression during fall and winter.

The days are shorter, and the weather often means that the sun is hidden behind clouds.

You might feel better when spring pushes the winter away and you start seeing the sun again.

However, just because you know this seasonal depression will go away, it doesn’t mean you should just try to power through all winter.

SAD affecting your work can have consequences that go beyond just the weather and the time of year. You want to address the issue in a way that makes sense so that you maintain your job performance (and your job).

Plus there’s no reason to feel crummy four to six months of the year just because seasons.

SAD affecting your work.

Do you feel like SAD is dragging you down at work? You’re not alone.

According to Purdue, SAD costs the United States about $44 billion a year in lost productivity, sick days, and other illnesses.

Some of the ways SAD could be impacting the way you do your work include:

Difficulty concentrating on the task at hand.
Drop in your energy level.
Feelings of fatigue.
Irritability (including with your coworkers).
Hard time motivating yourself to do your work.

This goes beyond a need to just suck it up and do the thing.

SAD can really cause problems for your productivity, and keep you from accomplishing everything you’d like to do.

Plus, when your work performance suffers and you start missing deadlines, that could mean a real problem at work.

While it would be nice if all employers were understanding and willing to help mitigate the impacts of SAD in the workplace, the fact is many of them are just going to look at your performance.

If your work performance is dropping off, if you’re missing deadlines and making a lot of unacceptable mistakes, that could be grounds for firing.

When you find SAD affecting your work, it’s time to get help.

On your own: attempts to ward off SAD yourself.

If you’re like me, you don’t want to get professional help until you’ve tried to take care of the issue on your own.

The good news is that there are some things you can do to boost your mood and chase the SAD blues away. According to WebMD, some of the things you can try on your own include:

Regular exercise. Regular exercise is a mood-booster. You can help your energy level, help your brain, and fight against SAD with regular exercise. Bonus points if you can do at least some of your exercise outside (take a brisk walk) or near a window so you get that natural light.
Open a window. I find myself less inclined to open windows during the winter. I’ve been fighting that, and it helps my mood. Even if the day is cloudy, that extra natural light can help.
Melatonin. WebMD points out that some people find results from melatonin, which can help you regulate your biological clock. You do need to be careful, though, since this (and other complementary methods) can interact with current medications and have other issues.
Pay attention to your diet. When you’re feeling SAD, it’s common to crave junk food and eat foods that aren’t the best for you. If possible, eat healthy. Plenty of fruits and vegetables, lean proteins, and whole grains can help your body function better.
Take time for yourself. Don’t forget to relax. Take time for yourself. Meditate. You might be surprised at how good sleep, time for relaxation, and enforced meditation can help your mood.

Sometimes, though, the SAD is too strong to keep away yourself. You might actually need to seek professional help.

Common treatments for SAD.

With SAD affecting your work, it’s vital that you get professional help if attempts to fight the feeling on your own are failing.

There’s nothing wrong with getting help.

Light therapy.

One of the most common treatments for SAD is light therapy. With light therapy, you use a special bulb to provide you with more light in your day. The idea is to provide you with more exposure to light, either in the morning or in the evening (or both).

Many people with SAD improve with the help of light therapy and little else is needed beyond that.

Counseling.

Another way to get help with SAD is to get counseling. In general, I support the idea that everyone should get therapy at some point. It can be really helpful.

Counseling can help you by giving you someone to talk to. Additionally, a therapist that is well-versed in SAD and how to use cognitive-behavioral therapy to treat patients can be especially helpful.

Medication.

Finally, many people need to resort to medication to help them with SAD. For many of us, medication is an absolute last resort. However, if you need it, there’s no shame in getting a little pharmacological help.

As long as you use your antidepressants as prescribed and you remain in contact with your health care professional about your progress, it can be one way to beat SAD, especially when used in conjunction with other treatments.

Get your work back on track.

Once you understand the problem and how it impacts you, you can get your work back on track. You can keep SAD from being a detriment to your work.

It’s still a struggle some of the time, and you might fight to stay focused and motivated at work, but with the right help, it should be possible.

Do you get SAD? How does it affect your work and other areas of your life? Share your story with us in the #Adulting community on Facebook.

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Parenting is one of the hardest jobs around. It’s not any easier with your ex. But your kids will be better off if you can suck it up and coparent effectively. Read More...

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Miranda Marquit

Parenting is a hard gig.

It’s even harder when you do it with your ex.

Even when you get along with your ex, it can be challenging to coparent successfully.

No matter how you feel, though, it’s vital that you work on your coparenting game so your children are better equipped to deal with the divorce and with life going forward.

1. Commit to coparenting.

The very first thing you both need to do is commit to coparenting. Coparenting successfully requires solid commitment from everyone involved.

Talk about how you plan to coparent in the best interest of your child. Then both of you commit to the process. Even if you need a mediator to help you hammer out a plan, the important thing is that you are both committed to making this work.

2. Create consistent rules.

One of the most important things for children is consistency. It’s true when kids live with both parents, and it’s especially true when children split their time between households.

Come up with rules that kids follow, regardless of where they are. This might include homework time, music practice, rules for electronics use, and bed time.

While there is wiggle room for special circumstances, it’s important to be consistent. My son knows that when he goes to stay with dad, he’s going to do schoolwork and go to bed at the same time. I know he might actually get a little more time to play video games when he’s with his dad, but that’s something we’ve agreed on.

3. Don’t trash talk your ex.

Avoid putting your issues with your ex on your child. It’s not fair to use your child as a pawn in games with your ex. You don’t want to be the toxic person in this scenario.

If your child complains about your ex, don’t immediately jump in and agree. Remain as neutral as possible. Unless there is actual abuse involved, most kids just need to let off steam. You can say, “I’m sorry you’re frustrated with the situation, but they are trying their best.”

I’m pretty sure my son sometimes complains about me to my ex. When he does, my ex moves on quickly, and then lets me know about potential issues. I don’t confront my son when he’s complained about me. Honestly, I want him to share these things. Then I know what I might need to improve on.

I do the same for my ex.

Kids complain about their parents. Don’t egg them on when it involves the ex. Not only do you risk a deterioration in that relationship, but you might be surprised to realize that trash talking your ex can encourage your child to resent you as well.

4. Maintain communication.

One of the reasons my ex and I coparent successfully is that we communicate regularly. We exchange texts several times a week. We talk at least twice a month. In fact, we sometimes just talk as friends and don’t talk about our son.

You might not have that level of friendship with your ex.

Even if all you do is communicate about the kids, that’s important. Be sure to immediately share when things change that will impact the plan. Whether it’s a trip to the emergency room or a problem at school, or just an update on positive progress, it’s important to communicate.

Don’t rely on your child to carry messages. You need keep the lines open so you don’t get garbled messages. When my son wants to make a major purchase (more than $50), or if he wants to change up his after-school schedule, I text my ex and we schedule a time to discuss the merits.

This way, our son can’t play us off each other. We present a united front because we communicate. My son is used to hearing, “Just wait. I need to talk to your dad about that.”

5. Confirm what your child says with the ex.

Yeah, this goes with regular communication. But it bears repeating. Get the story from your ex. If your child says your ex said they could do something, double check.

It’s a normal part of growing up for children to press boundaries and try to get away with stuff. You did it with your parents, and your kids will try it with you. Even if you aren’t divorced, there’s a good chance you’ll hear “But mom said I could…” or “Dad lets me…”

Before you say yes to something your child claims your ex is on board with, connect directly with your ex to verify.

6. Make time to keep it simple and boring.

Don’t always be trying to have fun — especially if you’re the less-seen parent. My ex is pretty good about stuff. When my son stays with him, they do “regular” things and not just fun stuff.

Try to avoid being the “fun” parent all the time. Both parents need to be a mixture of fun and “boring.”

Sometimes what your kids need is an ordinary day in with you. There’s nothing wrong with that. You need to be balanced in your approach to parenting.

Because my ex lives on the other side of the country, my son talks to him frequently using Facetime and he stays for between one week and three weeks at a time. I often stay part of that time, too (at my ex’s invitation), and that means there is a sense of normalcy and family, even if it’s not what we consider a “traditional” family.

7. Recognize your ex’s good qualities.

Don’t forget to talk about your ex’s good qualities with your child. It’s about more than just refraining from complaining about your ex. You should also point out the good things s/he does.

I regularly direct my son to my ex if he has a question about something that my ex is good at. I also make it a point to say nice things about him when I can, and get excited when it’s time for them to talk.

I think it makes sense to encourage my son to maintain a good relationship with his dad. If you want to coparent successfully, you need to make sure that you aren’t putting wedges between your children and your ex.

8. Don’t get upset if your child requests your ex.

Sometimes my son specifically asks if he can talk through an issue with his dad, rather than talk about it with me. I know that my ex is better equipped to handle some situations than I am. I don’t get upset about it.

It’s true that sometimes we feel hurt if a child wants to talk to someone else or prefers someone else’s help on a project. However, the reality is that we all have strengths and weaknesses. There are some things that my son prefers to do with me, and some he prefers to do with his dad. There’s nothing wrong with that.

Realize that your child has needs that your ex might be better at fulfilling. That in no way reduces your importance to your child. To coparent successfully, you need to bury jealousy and work together to ensure your child has the best possible outcome.

9. Know that it will be difficult.

Buckle up. It’s not easy to coparent successfully. It’s a little easier for me because my ex and I are on good terms and genuinely care about each other still.

Even then, it’s still challenging sometimes. There are times I don’t want to discuss things with him. It would be easier for me to just make all the decisions about our son without input from my ex.

However, that’s not fair to him or to our son.

It can be hard to bury feelings and put on a civil facade, especially if you had a hard breakup. However, it needs to be done. Think about the welfare of your child.

If you need to get mediation and/or counseling, do it. In some cases, you can benefit from family therapy, even if you aren’t a “traditional” family anymore.

Parenting is rarely easy, and doing it with your ex adds another layer of complexity. However, if you are both committed, you should be able to make it work.

Do you have to coparent with your ex? What challenges do you face? Even if you have a partner, do you run into parenting problems? How do you resolve them. Join us on the #Adulting community on Facebook and share your stories.

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We hear horror stories about taxes, but for most people, it’s not so bad. Here’s what you need to know as a tax filing virgin. Read More...

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Miranda Marquit

Ugh. Taxes.

Preparing your taxes for the first time isn’t exactly fun.

The good news, though, is that it doesn’t have be scary. We hear horror stories, but it’s not as bad as all that.

A little knowledge goes a long way. Before you get caught up in a worry spiral, here are a few things to know about preparing your taxes for the first time:

There’s plenty of free tax help available.

First of all, realize that there is plenty of free tax help available to you.

If you live in a college town, there’s a good chance that you can get help from students in the accounting program. Many business departments encourage students to prepare tax returns, and their instructors double-check their work.

Also, see if your local area has a VITA program. These sites help you prepare your taxes if you make $54,000 or less. It’s a good way to get another pair of eyes and some solid support for your tax prep needs.

You can even file your taxes for free.

If you’re doing your taxes for the first time, there’s a good chance you qualify to file for free. Assuming your household income is less than $64,000, you can take advantage of Free File.

Well-known companies like TurboTax and H&R Block participate in Free File options. Plus, depending on your state, you might even get free help filing your state taxes.

You don’t have to itemize for good tax deductions.

When you hear words like “itemize,” you probably zone out. The good news is that you probably don’t have to worry about itemizing when preparing your taxes for the first time. You won’t even miss out on some pretty sweet deductions, either.

Some of the deductions you’re most likely to take this go are on the first page of your Form 1040. These include:

Moving expenses (if you move for work)
Student loan interest
Tuition and fees
Portion of your self-employment tax (if you have a side gig)

There are other deductions you can take without itemizing, such as contributions to your Health Savings Account and to your Traditional IRA.

You can keep digital records.

It’s possible to prepare your taxes with the help of your phone. On top of that, you can keep digital records of your receipts and other records you might need. An app like Shoeboxed can help you manage everything digitally, so there’s no need to mess with paper.

Just scan everything or snap a picture and manage it digitally so you can streamline the process. It makes things easier, whether you’re filing taxes for the first time or the tenth.

File an extension if you need to.

Stressed about getting everything done by April 15?

Slow down, take a deep breath. Then file an extension. The last thing you want to do is rush through the process and make unnecessary mistakes.

While filing an extension doesn’t protect you from paying if you owe (but, really, if this is your first time with taxes, you probably don’t), but it can give you time to get your shit together.

It’s much less stressful to file an extension than try to get everything done on time if you’ve fallen behind. And you don’t even need any special reason to file for an extension.

You’ll feel better in the future if you plan ahead and manage your taxes as you go through the year, but for now, file that extension if you feel the pressure to get done on time.

Stay away from scams and refund anticipation loans.

Even seasoned tax filers sometimes make poor decisions — and that includes getting scammed.

Watch out for tax preparers that are willing to fudge the numbers a bit or claim that you are “guaranteed” something before they even know your situation.

Stick with the old standbys when you first file your taxes. Reputable and well-known tax prep software, or those retail tax prep places are usually good bets for tax filing virgins. As your situation becomes more complicated, you can start looking for more tailored advice.

While you’re at it, watch out for people who will “accelerate” your refund. In most cases, those are costly loans that come with huge fees.

The truth is that, even if you are doing your taxes for the first time, you can get your refund fast by filing electronically and choosing the direct deposit option. You don’t need an expensive loan to get your refund quickly.

Double-check everything before you send it in.

Before you send in your return, make sure that you check everything.

Even if you trust your tax preparer, look over everything. If you find a mistake after hit send, you have to file an amended return, and that is a real pain in the ass. You can only file an amended return in hardcopy.

Whether your doing taxes for the first time, or you’re an old pro, take a few minutes to review your return, and see if it makes sense. You’ll be happy you did.

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No matter what job you do, soft skills can help you do it better. Make it a point to develop the skills that translate to any job. Read More...

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Miranda Marquit

Are you already looking for your next job?

If you’re under the age of 32, there’s a good chance you are. After all, according to a recent survey from LinkedIn, the new normal is four jobs by the time you’re 32.

That’s almost double the rate of job change for Gen X.

I have a number of friends who are open to the next opportunity and looking to move beyond the job they’ve taken out of desperation.

When you’re ready to make a career change, there are skills you can’t take with you. Hard skills might not translate from one job or career to the next.

But you can develop soft skills that can help you almost anywhere you go, and no matter what you do.

Problem-solving.

One of the most translatable soft skills is problem-solving.

No matter where you work, or what your position is, problem-solving is always in demand. The ability to identify issues and find solutions is one that helps in work and life.

Creativity in problem-solving will get you even further in whatever work you do. Someone with the ability to see things from a different angle, or find a solution that others couldn’t see, has the potential to go a long way in any profession.

Organization.

We don’t often think of organization as a skill. However, it’s on of the soft skills that can set you apart from others.

It’s not just about keeping a neat and orderly desk, either. Being organized is about seeing connections and being able to manage logistics.

Can you keep track of different moving parts and put them in an order that makes sense? Do you know which team members are best suited for different tasks?

If you have good organizational skills, you are more likely to to be of value as a manager, or fulfill other important responsibilities where such talents are needed.

Adaptability.

We live in a world that changes quickly. Technology advances at an increasingly rapid rate. Social conditions change. Work conditions change. Everyone is scrambling to keep up.

One of the most valuable soft skills today is an ability to adapt. Adaptability allows you to quickly conform to a new situation. It also means you can take on different responsibilities and manage different personalities.

Adaptability, and its related skill, resiliency, can help you approach any situation and turn it to good account. Think fast on your feet, make the most of anything, and your co-workers and bosses will notice.

Writing.

Thanks to the Internet, writing skills are increasingly important. The ability to craft a well-written tweet or Facebook post can help you get ahead.

Not only that, but writing is one of those soft skills that can be used in almost any profession. If you can write white papers, put together an internal memo, or create easy-to-understand emails, you can make yourself useful.

Consider taking a basic writing course. You don’t need a degree in writing. A little reminder of the fundamentals and some practice can take your writing to the next level and set you apart from others.

Presentation skills.

Don’t forget about your ability to present. Your comfort level in front of others can make a difference.

Do you want to be the go-to person for presentations to clients and potential partners? Brush up the way you make presentations.

Your presentation skills can also influence your ability to be more effective in your job. Good presentation skills include the ability to communicate your ideas. When you can effectively share your vision, you’re more likely to be applauded and taken seriously.

You can put your presentation skills to good use on behalf of your bosses, or as a way to be more effective in general. No matter how you do it, presentation means a lot.

Good work ethic.

Talent isn’t everything. Sure it can open some doors and give you a good start.

However, hard work can often make up for a lack of talent.

A good work ethic is one of the soft skills that just about everyone admires. No matter where you are or what you’re doing, working hard enhances your reputation.

Hard work gets you through even when other soft skills aren’t enough. Hard work added to just about everything leads to a greater chance of success.

Plus, when you show you can work hard, people see that you are willing to do what it takes to succeed.

While you eventually want to shift to working smarter and taking advantage of your talents, hard work can get your foot in the door and help you establish a good relationship with those around you.

Interpersonal skills.

There are no soft skills softer than interpersonal skills. The way you interact with people can make a huge difference in your success at work — and in life.

Sometimes it’s difficult to deal with other people, but developing that skill can take you a long way. As an introvert with ADD, I’ve worked hard to develop some people skills.

I still struggle, and it’s really hard work for me to filter and be sociable sometimes. But I do my best, and I find that these interpersonal skills have opened more doors for me than almost anything else.

Some of the best interpersonal skills to work on include:

Listening
Managing your body language
Learning to read others’ body language
Assertiveness
Speaking with clarity

You might be surprised at far you can get with good interpersonal skills. You’ll get along with co-workers and bosses better, you’ll be seen as a positive influence, and you might even be pegged as a leader.

Don’t neglect your soft skills as you prepare for a career. No matter your job, or your future plans, work on the skills that can help you where you go.

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Time doesn’t just show up for free. If you want time for your side hustle, you have to make it. Read More...

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Miranda Marquit

I hear this all the time:

“I really want to start a side hustle, but I don’t have time.”

It’s true that some of us really don’t have time for side gigs. After all, we’re busy people. We have real jobs and families and a desire to, at some point, to live a little.

But you might be surprised at how much time you do have. Here are some strategies to use to make time for a side hustle:

Track your time use.

The first thing to do is track your time use.

When I feel like I am running out of time, I start tracking my time use. Usually, the problem is that I’ve let unimportant things creep into my life, or I get distracted.

Keep a diary of what you are doing, and how long you spend doing it. You might be surprised at the patterns that emerge.

According to the American Time Use Survey, adults spend close to three hours a day watching TV. I’m always surprised when I track my online activities and discover how much time I spend just surfing.

If you want to make time for a side hustle, start with how you’re using your time now to see where you might find a place to cut back on some of your unnecessary activities.

Schedule side hustle time.

So often, we don’t make time for a side hustle. Instead, we say we’ll do it when we have time. Just waiting to see if the time appears is a surefire strategy to ensure that you’ll never have time for a side hustle.

You’ll increase your chances of having time for a side gig if you actually schedule the time. Wake up a little earlier. Instead of watching TV for two hours in the evening, schedule an hour and a half to work on the side gig.

Think of where you can carve out time during the day to dedicate to your side hustle and schedule it into your day.

Use the weekend.

I know, I know. We all love our weekends. It’s a break from work. However, if you want to make time for a side hustle, you need to give something up.

You don’t have to use the whole weekend for your side hustle, but it can be a good time to get something done with your side gig.

When I have things I want to do, I try to work on them during Saturday morning. My son has his own extracurricular activity and it’s a perfect time for me to hit something hard while I don’t have other obligations.

Figure out what works best for you. Saturday morning? Sunday afternoon? Whatever. The weekend is the perfect time to … make time for a side hustle.

Schedule a workcation.

Consider your real job. Do you get time off for vacation? If you want to make time for a side hustle, you can kick it off with a workcation. Take a vacation with your day job, and use it to work on your side hustle.

When you don’t have to focus on your regular job, you have a little more time to work on a side gig.

Of course, you can’t be constantly taking time off to make time for your side hustle. However, you can get a lot of good value out of a bit of time off to really dig into the side hustle.

A workcation can also help when you aren’t taking time off your regular job. When my son sleeps over at a friend’s house, I sometimes book a room at a local hotel. That change of scene for one night and the next morning really helps me focus. There’s something about getting out of the routine that provides you with a chance to work on a side hustle.

It’s totally worth it to get a hotel room for one night if that helps you focus up.

Ask for help.

Do you have a support system? If so, ask for help. Sometimes, when I need a little more time to work on my projects, I get help from my parents, or from my sister, in taking my son for a couple hours while I really get down to it.

We help each other.

Look around to see if you have a support system that can help. You might even have a life partner who can help you out.

I know a couple who helps each other with these gigs. They saved up an emergency fund. Then, he kept working while she worked to make her side gig a full-time reality. After a while, she gained traction. However, she wouldn’t have had time for the side gig without the full buy-in of her partner. He helped make it possible for her first reduce her hours at work, and then quit altogether.

If you can get help from your support system, it’s a little easier to make time for a side hustle.

Bottom line.

We all have challenges. I know I don’t do as much as I would like in a lot of areas. However, part of that is because I don’t make time. Use one or all of these strategies, and you might be surprised to see that you have more time available than you thought.

Are you working on a side hustle? When do you work on it? What’s your best way to make it happen? Let us know in the #Adulting community on Facebook or leave a comment here.

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My finances weren’t a shitshow when I hit 30, but they certainly weren’t as good as they could have been. Read More...

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Miranda Marquit

We all have regrets.

After I made it through my 20s, I had my own share of regrets — including financial regrets.

While my finances weren’t a complete shitshow at the end of my 20s, they still weren’t where I wanted them.

If I could go back to my 20s, there are a few smart money things I’d do differently:

Start a retirement account much earlier.

Even though I had the option to save for retirement early in my 20s, I didn’t.

In fact, I didn’t start saving for retirement until I was in my mid-20s. I missed out on more than five years’ worth of tax-advantaged compound interest as a result.

I’d have about $30,000 more in my retirement account today if I’d started earlier.

Over time, that compounds even further, meaning I’ve left hundreds of thousands of dollars on the table. All because of that decision not to start a retirement account earlier (and take advantage of a match offered to me at one point).

The smart money is always on investing early and often, and getting it in a retirement account with tax advantages.

Figure out my priorities.

I spent a lot of time in my 20s not really knowing what I wanted. I didn’t even try to figure out what I wanted.

Instead, I followed a prescribed path: get married, finish college, have a baby, buy a house. It didn’t even occur to me to think about whether any of these things made sense for me or meshed with what I wanted in life.

In fact, if I hadn’t bought a house in my late 20s, I’d been in a better financial position today. I’d have been able to invest more, and I wouldn’t have had to pay $10,000 to unload the house when my ex and I made fast decision to move across the country.

There’s nothing wrong with buying a house, but you should know why you’re doing it, and make sure it fits with your lifestyle goals.

One of the smart money moves I made when I got into my 30s was to sit down and decide on my priorities — and revisit them regularly.

Spend consciously.

If I’d understood my priorities, I would have changed the way I spent money. The key to making better financial decisions for your own life is understanding your priorities and spending consciously.

I spent a lot of time and money on things I didn’t really think about. One day, I looked at my cluttered house and realized that I could have gone to Europe — twice — if I hadn’t bought a bunch of random shit without thinking about it.

Impulse purchases are a huge part of the way most of us make spending decisions, and I did a lot of pointless spending in my 20s.

Today, I think about my purchases. I ask myself if an expenditure will help me reach one of my goals, or if it is completely necessary. By thinking about purchases, I reduce the financial waste in my life and I ensure that I have more money to put toward the things I really value.

Track spending.

On top of spending more thoughtfully, I also wish I had tracked my spending. I had no idea where my money was coming from, and where it was going.

Without knowledge of what I was doing with my money, I didn’t fully realize how much I was spending. I didn’t see patterns in the way I managed my finances. As a result, I wasted a ton of money (and time).

If you haven’t started tracking your spending, it’s a smart money move you can make today.

Borrow less.

I treated debt as though it was my money instead of someone else’s money. I borrowed even when I didn’t have to. With a full-tuition scholarship and a cushy on-campus job, there was no reason for me to get student loans. But I took them and spent, spent, spent.

I maxed out credit cards in the name of shopping and road trips. Even after I married, my ex and didn’t have a problem borrowing more than we should have.

It’s hard to find a smart money move that beats having as little debt as possible. When you’re in debt, you pay interest instead of earn it, and that, again, means you miss out on benefits of putting your money to work for you.

Learn about investing.

Even after I finally opened a Roth IRA, I still didn’t take the time to learn about investing. That was a huge mistake.

If I could do it again, I would read up on investing, learn about index funds, and do more with investments. It would have meant a lot more money in my pocket today and in the future.

Now, I use investments to help me meet a number of goals, from my emergency fund to my travel fund.

Do yourself a favor and learn about investing right now. Just understanding the basics can go a long way toward helping you build wealth for tomorrow.

Work more (or at least work smarter).

I took off work whenever I could during my 20s. Mostly, I took work off to have fun. Which meant that not only was I not earning money, but I was spending it, too. (Yikes. Spending money I didn’t even have.)

While I didn’t need to get rid of all my fun, the fact of the matter is that I had a serious case of FOMO. I did everything any one of my friends suggested. I was the only person that went to each event. I could have worked a couple more shifts a week and still maintained a social life.

At the very least, I could have learned to work smarter. Sometimes it’s not so much about the amount of work you d as it is about the way you do it.

A few things I did right in my 20s.

Even though I could have made more smart money moves during my 20s, that wasn’t a completely lost decade.

I did manage to do some things right, including:

Started a debt pay down plan. Thankfully, I realized that I needed to change things up before I hit 30.
Bought proper insurance coverage. My ex and I bought life insurance when we married so we would be covered (and our son would be cared for).
Started a business. I think it was a smart money move to start a business while in my 20s. I’ve been able to build my desired lifestyle as a result.
Paid attention to my credit. While I didn’t need all the debt, I did do a good job on my credit. I made payments on time, and I had a diversity of accounts by the time I reached 30. As a result, I’ve been able to do pretty much anything I need to.

If you’re in your 20s, don’t be stupid with your money like I was. Take some time to think about your finances, and get off to a good start.

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Money is a big deal. And it can sometimes be a deal breaker in a relationship. Here’s what you need to know when it’s time to talk money with your S.O. Read More...

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Miranda Marquit

Money represents one of the essential conversations you need to have with a potential life partner.

However, not everyone is comfortable talking about money. Your S.O. might not be, either.

No matter how much s/he might try to avoid the subject, though, it’s important to get on top of the situation. You need to talk money with someone who’s going to be such a huge part of your life.

Why you need to talk money

Money is a huge part of life. We don’t like to think about it in those terms, but the reality is that it’s a necessity. You and your partner need to be on the same page when it comes to money.

Your money situation impacts all areas of your life. Money is a cause of stress and, the American Psychological Association notes, can also affect your relationships.

You need to make financial decisions with your partner, and that means you need to talk money. It might seem just fine that one of you takes care of most of the money issues without conversations, but it’s really not.

I know.

In my marriage, my ex didn’t want anything to do with the budget or finances — even when I asked him to participate.

This was stressful, we didn’t really have the same priorities, and it didn’t help that he didn’t know our situation and I felt like I was always trying to make things work.

If you want to be successful with your finances and in your partnership, you need to talk money, at least a couple times a month. Even if you keep your finances separate, touching base is a good idea. You need to be aware of problems that can cause you problems down the road.

Why doesn’t your partner want to talk money?

Your first step is to figure out why your partner isn’t interested in talking about money with you.

This can be a touchy situation because money is so related to our emotions and our view of ourselves. It’s important to approach it with tact and realize that your partner might be reluctant due to:

Embarrassment: Something in your partner’s money situation might cause some embarrassment. They might not want to disclose past mistakes and/or current debt.
Trust issues: Depending on where you’re at in your relationship, your partner might not be ready to talk about money with you. You don’t need to exchange bank account information or anything like that. But you should start, generally, with what matters to each of you.
Your attitude: One of the things I learned about myself during a relationship is that sometimes I come across as a perfectionist with high standards. Also, I used to be really judgy. I had to learn to be more accepting before my partners could disclose things to me.

Figure out why your S.O. is reluctant and try to go from there.

How to start talking about money with your S.O.

No matter the situation, it can be difficult to figure out how to start the conversation. After all, you might not agree about money, and resolving those differences can be daunting.

In some cases, you can glean information about your partner’s money habits by paying attention to the way they use money.

You can use such things as a touchpoint. If they spend a lot on something, you can probe a little. “Hey, do you like X? I notice that you have a lot.”

At some point, though, you might need to just suck it up and ask. Let your partner know that you think things are moving along enough that you are ready to talk money.

Plan a time where you can sit down and talk about finances. It should be a time when you have both had a little time to relax, and when you aren’t hungry. These talks go so much better when you aren’t distracted and when you don’t start off grumpy.

If you are already together, and your partner doesn’t like to talk money, try and frame at something that is good for you both. Start out by saying how important it is that you are a team, and that you want his/her input.

When you can approach it in a way that shows your partner that you value his/her opinion, s/he is more likely to respond positively.

Try to make it a regular occurrence, where you set up a time each week or each month to review something. Base the frequency of a budget review on what your partner is willing to do at first. As you make it a habit, your partner is likely to take a greater interest.

What happens when nothing works?

In some cases, there is just no convincing a partner to talk money with you. If this is the case, you just need to do your best. Look for ways to be real about money and even to protect yourself.

If you haven’t combined your finances, consider staying away from the big pot if your partner isn’t willing to talk money.

When you already have combined finances, but you are doing everything with the money management, try to draw your partner into conversations in non-confrontational ways, and consider making contingency plans that protect your finances.

In the end, your best bet is to start talking about money before you seriously commit to a partner. You’ll be better able to figure out how to move forward.

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Don’t get in a serious relationship just because everyone tells you that you “should.” Do a little self-exploration first. Read More...

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Miranda Marquit

We’re encouraged to look for soulmates and at least try to get serious with others.

“Single” is still kind of a dirty word in our society.

The fact that everyone around you might be getting together, or your parents wish you would find someone, are not good reasons to enmesh yourself in a serious relationship.

Not everyone is ready for a serious relationship. And there’s nothing wrong with that. It’s better to be single than stuck in a bad relationship.

Before you decide that you need a serious S.O., here are some things to consider:

1. Do you even want a serious relationship?

We all desire to connect to other people. Humans are social animals, after all.

However, wanting connections doesn’t necessarily mean that you are ready for a serious relationship.

I love my connections with family and friends. I also enjoy dating. There are people I like spending time with more than others. But none of this means I want a serious relationship.

Because I don’t.

I like being single.

If you find yourself happy being single, there’s no reason to end that because those around you say you need to “grow up” and find a serious relationship.

2. You feel incomplete without someone.

This one is tricky. Perhaps you want a serious relationship. But before you dive in, you need to figure out the why behind this desire.

Do you feel incomplete without someone? Do you feel like you need another half to be whole?

This might be an indication that you aren’t actually ready for a serious relationship. Before you can be a good partner, you need to be comfortable with yourself.

Part of being ready for a serious relationship is knowing that you can hold up your end of the bargain as a whole person. If you require another person, you probably need to get a handle on yourself before you take things to the next level.

3. You feel like your potential S.O. just needs someone.

I’m not in the business of “saving” others. And you shouldn’t be, either.

In many cases, you might look at a potential S.O. and decide that s/he is perfect — except for one little thing.

Or maybe you see great potential, as long as the other person chooses the right partner (you) to mold and shape him/her.

Whenever you go into a serious relationship with the idea that you are going to help the other person become different or better or whatever, that’s a serious red flag.

If you go around seeing others as people to save, you aren’t ready for a serious relationship. Yes, you should want to help other people and be there for them. But at the same time, you shouldn’t view your relationship as a way to change someone or “save” them.

Any serious relationship should be a partnership of equals. You and your S.O. should be at the same point in life, and ready to progress toward the same goals together.

4. You try to fit yourself to what someone else wants.

Back when I was younger, I tried to project a certain image. Even though I didn’t fit what I was told a woman should be, I tried to be that thing. Well, sort of.

I wanted to “prove” that I could be a good housekeeper, and that having a couple of kids would be just fine, even though I was a little unorthodox. I tried to force myself into a gender role that wasn’t really me.

This resulted in a couple of relationships that didn’t really work out. After all, I was trying to be someone I wasn’t. I wanted to project an image of someone my S.O. liked, rather than looking for someone who liked me for me.

Yes, we all grow and change as people. It’s a good thing. But you should be changing for you, and making progress with your own life.

If you are changing because you want to be more attractive to someone, that’s a problem.

There’s a difference between compromising (which we all have to do in all of our relationships, romantic or not), and changing to fit someone else’s ideal.

Really think about how you behave in a relationship. If your relationship becomes about how you can adopt your S.O.’s opinions and hobbies wholesale, that’s a pretty good sign you aren’t ready for a serious relationship.

Instead, work on figuring out who you are, and what you like about yourself. Once you are comfortable enough with who you are that you don’t feel like you need to subordinate that to make someone else happy, you’re on the right track.

5. You don’t know what you really want.

This isn’t just about what you want in a relationship. It’s also about what you want out of life.

Do you have an idea of who you are and what you want?

One of the reasons my marriage finally died after a little more than a decade was because my ex and I got married before we really knew what we wanted from life.

By the time we realized that some of the things we wanted didn’t really mesh, we were a few years in. Looking back, I know that I, at age 21, was not ready for a serious relationship — especially not one as serious as marriage.

There are people who do just fine at serious relationships at that age. It’s not really about age (although a few more years and perspective can help). It’s more about where you are in life, and whether or not you actually know what you want.

A little time for exploration doesn’t hurt. It would have helped me out. By the time I got married at 21, I had already had two relationships that had lasted more than a year. (The time from meeting my ex to our marriage was slightly less than three months.)

I had no idea what it meant to be in a serious relationship. I had no idea what I wanted. In fact, at age 36, I spent an entire year exploring my life and what I wanted.

Everyone should take a little time to explore themselves periodically. But it really helps to do it before you get into a serious relationship. If you know what you want out of life, it makes it easier to find someone to take that journey with you.

Bottom line: know thyself.

How do you know if you’re ready for a serious relationship?

The bottom line is you should know yourself. Intimately.

Once you really know yourself and are happy with that person, it makes sense to decide if you’re ready for a serious relationship.

However, even if you know yourself, you might still find you’re not ready to get serious. In fact, I know that I don’t want a serious relationship right now.

I am happy with myself. I am mostly happy with my life. I like the dynamic I have with my son. A serious relationship changes all of that. I like dating, but I’m not interested in taking it the next level with anyone.

Don’t start a serious relationship just because you feel like you “should” or because it’s “the next step.”

Only do it when you know yourself, and you actually want it.

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New Year’s resolutions can be a good way to kickstart a better life. But you don’t actually need them to do amazing things. Read More...

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Miranda Marquit

At the end of the year, many of us review the past year and look toward the future.

Part of that process is making resolutions and setting goals for the coming year. Sometimes they are grand goals. Other times they are simple goals. In many cases, resolutions are nothing more than laundry lists of things we wish we could do or we wish we had.

At the end of 2015, I decided that 2016 would be a year of no resolutions. This was a big deal for me because I had set (and mostly kept) resolutions each year since turning 16.

But, still reeling from my divorce earlier that year, and unsure of where to go with my life next, I decided to make 2016 a year of exploration instead of one of resolutions.

And it has been glorious.

It was impossible to fail this year.

One of the downsides to setting New Year’s resolutions is that it’s easy to feel like a failure. And you feel like that failure three weeks in. It sucks.

Sure, you can set better goals or break them down into more manageable chunks. But in the end, you’re probably worried more about failing than making good progress.

All I did this year was learn about myself. I couldn’t fail. My year of no resolutions was about trying new things, figuring out my life’s purpose, and sometimes even being a complete hot mess.

My year of no resolutions meant I didn’t have to worry about whether or not I was on track to hit a milestone. And because I didn’t have to worry about failure, I went ahead and tried things I wouldn’t normally have done.

There was no bar, no benchmark, and no failure.

Just learning.

Sometimes you need to maintain.

People kept asking me what I hoped to accomplish. A few were shocked when I told them I was just about maintenance.

That’s right: 2016 was about maintenance.

It was about getting myself squared away. It wasn’t about moving forward or growing my business or even really becoming a better person.

I just wanted to maintain myself while I figured shit out.

Sometimes you need that.

I live in a world where everyone around me is pushing for more. More subscribers. More money. More conversions. More media mentions. The next course. The next product.

The next, the next. More. MORE. MOAR.

Hell, I couldn’t even keep up on my own blogs the last few months.

There’s nothing wrong with pushing. I plan to start pushing again soon. But sometimes it’s OK to slow down. To stand in one place. To get your bearings.

My year of no resolutions taught me that it’s fine to stand in one place for a little while. It’s even OK to go back to your hometown after 17 years, feeling like a complete failure, and figure out how to re-invent your life.

But you have to know where you are first.

I maintained. I did what needed to be done to earn money to feed my son. I didn’t do a bang-up job at anything, but I learned about myself, what was important to me, and my limits.

No, I didn’t accomplish anything, or impress anyone with my grand plans and ideas. But I got grounded, established a solid support system, and did it while making sure my son was properly clothed and fed.

At some point, you need to own your shit.

For quite some time, I tried to hide some of who I am. In the name of not being embarrassed or avoiding conflict, I tried to present one face to certain others:

I’d hem and haw about when I’d eventually get back to church.
I’d hedge about when I’d start looking to get married again.
I’d avoid questions about some of my crazier adventures.

For some reason, when I decided on a year of no resolutions, I also decided to start owning my shit.

No more excuses.

No more hedging.

And I started telling it like it is. Well, in a mostly-socially-appropriate manner. (Sometimes, when I’ve just a little extra, it means I over-share.)

Once I decided to explore who I am and what I wanted, I started realizing that I didn’t have to live for other people

Yes, I try to do nice things for people. No, I don’t go out of my way to be confrontational and make other uncomfortable. But I also don’t hide, either.

When I decided to stop making resolutions and trying to do things that aren’t really me, I let myself out a little bit.

There are some things I learned this year that I want to leave behind. And some of the things I learned about myself do need to be changed.

But it will be on my own terms.

You don’t need New Year’s resolutions to improve.

Just because I had a year of no resolutions doesn’t mean I didn’t make plans for self-improvement.

You can set goals and make efforts to improve any time of the year. You don’t need a specific holiday tradition to force it.

Once you figure out the meaning of your life, you can make changes anytime. And I love that. My year of no resolutions sort of freed me up to pursue different projects and find new ways to improve myself.

I started making changes to be healthier (well, once I stopped being a hot mess). I began brushing up on my German using a language app.

One of my friends pointed out that I seemed to be shifting from resolutions to themes for the year, and I kind of liked that idea. Last year, he pointed out, the theme was “explore.”

For the coming year, I’ve decided that, instead of renewing the resolution tradition, I’ll choose a theme. I think I’d like it to be “growth.”

There are many different ways to improve, and they don’t all follow a goal-setting formula.

I’ve had a kickass year. I’ve been able to travel, do amazing things with my son, and form new connections with really great people.

Hopefully, I’m ready for a new year. No resolutions. Just the idea that growth is the way to go for a new year.

What are your plans for the coming year?

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