Miranda Marquit, Author at Adulting

Make bills your bitch. Read More...

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Miranda Marquit

Paying bills sucks.

No one likes doing it.

But proper adulting means you need to stay on top of your bills.

Dominate your bills.

Paying your bills on time can help you with your credit, and it ensures that you still have access to things like a place to live, your cell phone service, and electricity.

Your life will suffer if you get caught too far behind. When you don’t pay your bills, you can lose your apartment or house and all the other services you pay for. If you want to make your own decisions and live your life on your terms, you also have to be responsible and handle the business of paying bills.

You don’t have to do it on your own, though. Here are a few ways to help you stay on top of your bills.

1. Make it automatic.

One of my favorite tools is automation.

So many companies will let you automate your bill pay. My cell phone, internet, car loan, and rent payment are all automated. Gym membership, too.

Grocery delivery? Automatically taken care of each week. Same for the delivery from the dairy. Many power company also set up recurring billing. I was even able to set up recurring automatic payments for the medical bills I incurred earlier this year.

Finally, even my charitable donations are automated. That’s right. Not just my bills, but my donation to the local food bank is also automated.

The main pitfall to automation is that you have to stay on top of your bank account.

If the money is coming out of your bank account on a regular, automatic basis, you need to make sure the money is in there and available. Set up your automatic bill payments based on your income and cash flow.

Check due dates to ensure that you’ll have money in your account when the bills come out.

I like to use credit cards for most of my automated payments. This gives me a little breathing space when it comes to paying. I just have to make sure I pay off the credit card in full each month to avoid interest charges.

2. Use ANY personal finance software.

If you aren’t tracking your spending and planning your bills, there’s a good chance you could wind up in trouble. One of the best ways to avoid long-term problems with your finances is to know where the money is going.

Use personal finance software, like Mint or Personal Capital, to track your income and expenses. You can also use it to plan ahead and test out how your bills will impact your cash flow later in the month. Some sort of software is one of the keys to better finances and the ability to dominate your bills.

My personal finance software (Moneydance) allows me to set up reminders and automatic transaction entries so I can look ahead and see what bills are coming up. You can also use your own personal finance software to remind you when bills are due.

Even something like Mint, that syncs with your bank accounts and lets you see what you’ve been spending money on, can be a big help. Get real about where that money is going. Look it in the face. And then see what you need to do to make changes.

3. Check out a calendar app.

There are plenty of calendar apps to set up reminders that can help you dominate your bills.

Google Calendar and iCal from Apple are both good examples. If you do use these apps to pop up reminders for bills, set them to remind you at least 10 days in advance. You want to allow plenty of time for you to make your payment.

Whether you automate, schedule payments ahead of time, or write a check (really, though, who DOES that?), it’s important to look in and make sure everything is squared away.

A little calendar reminder can be just the thing to keep you on top of the situation. I schedule regular times to check my finances. Once a week I do a scan to see that there isn’t anything out of the ordinary with my money.

Later, the last Sunday of the month, I reconcile my accounts, just to stay on top of things. These “dates” with my money are blocked off on my calendar and I get reminders that they are approaching. This keeps me on task, and ensures that I remain connected to my money — even though there’s a lot of automation going on.

4. Designate a specific bill-paying time.

Pick a time of the week or the month to sit down and take care of money matters. This is what I was talking about above. You want to make sure you are consistent in your efforts to stay on top of your money.

I’m to the point where I mostly just check things out once a week. I have a specific time on Sunday (my least busy day) where I look into my accounts to ensure that there are no fraudulent purchases. Then I look at my personal finance software to see what bills are coming up. I verify that they are still on automatic withdrawal and that everything is on point. It takes me about 10 to 15 minutes.

Picking a time to have a sit-down with your money can at least help you pay all the bills due that week. You can also pick a bill-paying day and get everything paid for the whole month. Then you only have to worry about it one time each month, and that can help stay on top of your bills without a great deal of stress.

This only works, though, if you have structured your cash flow so that you have the money for paying everything at once. Or, you can schedule your payments all at once, but spread them out so that they better line up with your income.

No matter what, though, the idea is to figure out when you want to take care of your bills and then creating a standing appointment.

5. Ask for new due dates.

As you track your spending habits, eventually you’ll notice that sometimes it just doesn’t work out with due dates. Your bill due dates may not mesh with when you have money coming in from your job.

If you contact your service providers, you might be able to choose your own due dates. Choose dates that allow you to get money in the bank so it all works out. Many service providers are happy to let you switch if it means they know you’ll be ready to pay on time more often.

That’s #winning right there.

Dominate your bills so they don’t ruin you.

Paying bills is never fun, but it’s part of what you have to do as a proper (or even not-so-proper) adult.

Ugh.

But the good news is that there are plenty of tricks and resources that can help you dominate your bills so that they no longer run your life. You don’t have to live in fear of your due dates. Once you know where you stand, you can make a plan — and maybe even set things up so that you spend maybe an hour a month on your bills.

Get real about the situation, make a plan, change your due dates, and show your bills who’s boss.

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Good news: you can be happy and productive without getting up at an unholy hour. Read More...

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Miranda Marquit

I’ve seen a lot about the “miracle morning” recently. It seems to be everywhere.

Basically, the idea is that you wake up an hour earlier than normal. You spend that time journaling, meditating, and exercising. The miracle morning is a pretty cool concept. I like it in theory:

Get up
Set your intention for the day
Exercise to take care of your body and mind
Eat breakfast
Start your workday energetic and focused

The result, of course, is supposed to be getting more done overall. Increased productivity through a better start to your morning — all by getting up an hour earlier.

But what if it doesn’t work?

I tried the miracle morning — and failed.

In an effort to wrest control of my life back from my schedule, I thought I’d give the miracle morning a try. After all, it’s supposed to transform your life.

An hour a day to change everything?

Sign me up!

However, it didn’t go as I expected. First of all, getting out of bed an hour earlier proved almost impossible. I tried going to bed earlier, to no avail.

My son’s activities and the realities of having a teenager didn’t mesh with going to bed as early as I needed to in order to get up at a miracle morning time.

On top of that, when I did succeed in getting up an hour earlier, it didn’t actually help me with my productivity. I often wake up ready to work. It was hard for me to spend an hour journaling and meditating. Plus, about the time I finished with my miracle morning regimen, it was time to get breakfast and eat with my son.

By the time my son was off to school, my day was taken over by meetings and phone calls and unexpected little issues drawing off my attention. I felt just as harried as ever.

So I decided it was time for a new approach. Rather than focusing on my morning routine, I decided to look at the way my internal clock functions. I know you can shift your clock over time to become a morning person, but I was tired of trying to fight it. So, I didn’t.

Check in throughout the day.

First, I started by paying attention to how I felt at various points during the day. I noticed that I often woke ready to get something done. On top of that, my afternoon slump effectively made me useless for work.

As part of this exercise, I factored in time with my son before he left for school, as well as our afternoon and dinner commitments and obligations.

I kept notes about how I felt throughout the day, and when my work flagged. Additionally, I paid attention to when I had standing meetings and when others were most likely to interrupt me. With this information, I was able to identify patterns.

After about two weeks, I had a pretty good idea of when I was likely to work most effectively — and when it was better for me to just stop trying to force it. I was also able to figure out which times were likely to be good times for things like exercise and self-improvement.

I was ready to take a new approach to my days.

Starting work first thing.

My first main change was that, instead of trying to exercise or meditate first thing in the morning, I would just get to work on the most challenging item on my to-do list.

Because my son changed his school schedule recently, there are now three days a week when I basically have two hours in the morning before I needed to start breakfast. The other two mornings, I have about an hour.

My new morning routine looks like this:

Wake up
Sit up and stretch in bed
Drink some water
Use the restroom
Take three to five minutes to do a little “wake up” yoga
Immediately start work

My whole get up and get started takes less than 10 minutes.

And I get to work immediately on the most challenging thing I have to work on that day. Essentially, I follow the advice in the book Eat That Frog! However, while the book assumes you’ll be at work after a morning routine, I’m actually getting my biggest “frog” out of the way before I really start my day.

After getting some work done, I then turn my attention to breakfast and seeing my son off to school. I get dressed, and then start in on the rest of my day.

Now, though, meetings and phone calls aren’t pulling me away from the big thing on my plate. It’s already done by the time all these other things start demanding my attention.

Scheduling exercise in the afternoon.

After getting my new morning squared away, I decided to schedule exercise in the middle of the day. It’s true. I head to the gym between 1 p.m. and 2 p.m.

Before, this was time spent in a stupor as I either tried to power through the afternoon brain fog or gave up and took a nap. Of course, the nap usually ended up being longer than it should have been and resulted in sleep inertia — making me feel worse.

Now, though, I have my exercise scheduled on my calendar. It’s an item I’m reminded of and that is blocked off so that appointments can’t be made during that time.

Instead of trying to make myself be productive during a time when I’m not really wired for productivity, I use the time to reinvigorate myself with exercise. Usually, when I’m done, I’ve received enough of a boost from the activity that I’m ready to tackle items that require a bit of thought (although they aren’t as energy-consuming as what I work on in the morning).

At times I feel a little tired and sleepy after my workout. On those days, I meditate in the afternoon. In fact, I find that meditation helps me most just after lunch, or soon after a workout. I still meditate most days, just not in the morning.

Creating my “excellent evening.”

Rather than a miracle morning, I’m working on creating an excellent evening. While my son is getting ready for bed, I answer a few final emails and finish up some of my loose ends.

Once he is in bed, it’s time for my own wind-down routine. I put the phone and laptop away, done with them for the day. If there are things still bothering me about the day, I write them down. I also take this time to identify my first move in the morning. It’s a great time to decide what my first focus should be. I tidy my work area and get things set up for the next morning.

With everything resolved on and ready for the coming day, I engage in 15 to 20 minutes of gentle stretching yoga. Then I take my shower and go through my bedtime routine. Often, I read a book for pleasure during this time. It’s a great way to relax and unwind and get my mind ready for sleep.

Finally, I can just go to bed. Sometimes, if I’m struggling a bit to fall asleep, I use a guided meditation designed to help.

Do what works for you.

Maybe the miracle morning works well for you. I know a lot of people really like it. Getting up early and centering themselves ahead of the day is perfect for them. I even know folks that get up at 4:30 a.m., do the whole miracle morning routine, and then get started on work sometime around 6:00 a.m.

And that’s fine.

But that’s just not going to cut it for me. I’ve tried.

Instead, it works better for me to get up around 6:30 a.m. and immediately get into my work. I suppose I could get up at 5:00 or 5:30 and still accomplish much the same thing. But until I’m able to go to bed much earlier, that’s not practical in terms of making sure I get enough healthy sleep each night.

Rather than getting hung up on what everyone else is doing with their morning routines, think about what makes your day better. Consider a schedule that makes sense for you. Maybe it’s more work at night, or perhaps it’s exercising after dinner (like my parents do).

The important thing is to pay attention to your own internal clock and the realities of your situation so that you can create a schedule that works around your various commitments, your family, and helps you start working toward your goals.

What helps you in the morning? Or the evening? Have you tried arranging your schedule around your internal clock? Let us know in the #Adulting community on Facebook.

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Join other #adults who receive free weekly updates.

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Slow down. Experience. Your vacation isn’t about what you show your friends on Snapchat. Read More...

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Miranda Marquit

Have you ever come back from a vacation and felt like you needed another vacation?

This is pretty common when you’ve packed in a lot of stuff in one trip. For many of us, a vacation seems like the perfect time to do as much as possible.

See all the sights!

Do all the things!

After all, who knows if you will ever be back to this place again?

Unfortunately, taking this approach to a vacation can mean a lot more stress and a lot less relaxation.

If you aren’t going to relax and have a good time, what’s the point of a vacation in the first place?

Before you embark on your next “vacation,” take a step back. Will it really be a vacation? As you plan, keep the following strategies in mind to have a lot more fun and a lot less stress.

Plan fewer activities.

When I was growing up, there were times that the vacation was just a rushed and stressful mess. We ran from activity to activity and site to site without really experiencing anything. My favorite vacations were those that didn’t involve quite as many activities.

When you have a chance to slow down and experience life, you are far more likely to enjoy what you are doing, even if you do a little bit less of it.

You might be surprised at the memories you make when you slow down and actually make them.

Don’t forget: you can always come back again.

Even if you don’t, you’ll still make better memories if you truly experience a small part of something rather than getting a superficial view of lots of things.

As you plan your vacation, figure out which activities are most important, and which site you want to see more than the rest. Focus on the most important activities and don’t worry about cramming everything in. You can move slower and feel like you’re on a real vacation.

Take your time.

If you plan a real vacation with fewer activities, you will have time to slow it down. This can help you relax more and feel like you really are on vacation.

This effect can be enhanced if you plan longer vacations. When you have the time to take more than a day or two, you can enjoy yourself more.

During the last couple of years, my son and I have been lucky enough to be able to take longer vacations. One year, we spent two weeks visiting different Canadian cities. Spending between two and three nights in each place allowed us breathing room and time to explore.

We also spent several weeks with Philadelphia as a home base. From there, we could plan shorter trips to New York City and to the surrounding area.

It worked out really well. Not only were we able to enjoy ourselves, but there was also time to just recover. Instead of having an activity for every second of the day, we could have a real vacation and spend some time doing nothing but reading or sitting by the pool.

Having a large chunk of time and a home base can help you move slowly and relax more.

Being gone for three to six weeks doesn’t work for everyone, though. This vacation strategy works best if you are location independent with your work or if you have the ability to bank vacation days with your job.

Choose shorter trips.

So, what if you can’t just head out for several weeks? Can you still have an amazing vacation?

Yes, you can!

Another way to plan a real vacation is to make it shorter.

Your shorter vacation can be a weekend getaway that doesn’t take you very far or some other short trip. When you choose a shorter trip, it should be more about seeing only one thing or just relaxing in a new place.

Don’t try to pack a bunch of stuff into your trip. A short trip jam-packed with activities and craziness pretty much turns into a nightmare. If one little thing goes wrong in these scenarios, everything gets thrown off and the whole thing derails.

No matter the length of your vacation, be prepared for hiccups. Just realize, though, that the longer the trip, the less likely the hiccups are to impact the rest of the vacation. When you have a shorter time frame, it’s easier for things to get thrown off.

One of the things I like to do is go camping. I pick a place within four hours so that I only spend a half day of travel each way. Then it’s usually possible to spend two whole days in the woods. It’s very relaxing and I feel refreshed when I get home — especially after I take a shower.

Travel light.

There’s nothing like having to put away a ton of stuff to ruin the end of your vacation. That’s why I like to travel light.

I have one medium-sized suitcase and that’s it. If I will be gone longer than a week, I plan to do laundry. I don’t get bogged down in packing a lot of outfits or shoes or makeup. I don’t even bring a carry-on beyond the backpack I use to hold my laptop and other tech gear.

The fewer things you bring with you, the less you have to worry while you travel and the less you have to put away when you get home. Plus, you can have a real vacation, rather than spend a lot of time lugging stuff around or trying to unpack and re-pack all your things.

Traveling light can also apply to souvenirs. Don’t get bogged down with buying a lot of fancy stuff. What is that stuff good for anyway? It takes up space in the luggage, is expensive, and then when you get home, you have to figure out where to put it.

My son and I have a tradition of getting one magnet for each place we visit. This allows us a nice, cheap memento that doesn’t take up space. Plus, we know exactly where to put it in when we get home — on the fridge.

Plan time to relax.

As you plan a real vacation, don’t forget to schedule time to relax. Keep your schedule clear enough that you can sleep in, just sit in the hot tub, or read on the balcony. Plan a spa day. Take a long dinner.

Be willing to play it by ear a little bit. Sometimes, I like to cancel a plan so that I can keep doing something I enjoy.

Don’t plan out every minute of every day. Leave room for spontaneity or to just discover something new. You’ll be glad that you didn’t fill every single second with some sort of planned activity.

If you don’t time to relax while on vacation, you’ll come home and feel like you didn’t get a real vacation at all.

Put the camera away.

Finally, as you plan a real vacation, consider putting the phone away. Yes, your phone is probably your camera, but if you send all of your time trying to get the perfect shot for Facebook, you’re not really enjoying the moment.

I’m in the middle of a spring break trip right now. Even though I’ve caught a couple fun moments with my phone’s camera, for the most part, I’ve kept it put away. I love that I’m able to just soak in the moments on this trip.

Leave the selfie stick home. Take a couple pictures of what you see and a couple pictures of you and your loved ones. All you really need are a few pictures to trigger your good memories. You don’t need a ton of pictures to try and impress your Instagram followers.

Plan a real vacation like a boss.

As you learn to handle vacation like a boss, you’ll be surprised at how much happier you are when you travel.

While there will always be inconveniences and issues that crop up, it’s much easier to handle them when you’re not already frazzled from a tight schedule or a lot of baggage.

Slow down. Take your time. And pack light. Don’t worry about whether your vacation is worthy of Facebook, Snapchat, Pinterest, or Instagram. Belive it or not, enjoyment sometimes has to be learned.

But once you learn how to plan a real vacation, you’ll get the most out of wherever you go.

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Screw the huge salary and 80-hour workweeks. Do your benefits help you actually LIVE your life? Read More...

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Miranda Marquit

When you start a new job — including your first job — salary seems like the most important issue.

Making money is important.

We all enjoy eating and most of us like to have a little fun, too.

But it’s not just about the salary or the hourly wage. When my now-ex-husband got his first real job after, I was shocked, shocked, at how much easier life became with the addition of benefits.

For years, we’d been without benefits, with me cobbling together a “package” using IRAs, individual health insurance, and other financial accounts and tools. And then that glorious time came.

The time of benefits.

Health insurance is your BFF.

The biggest bonus was health insurance. We’d been paying for private health insurance for a decade, using my earnings as a freelancer to pay for everything. Every year, as has been the case for decades, prices went up. That’s the nature of health insurance. And for families and individuals without health benefits, it can be almost unmanageable.

With my ex’s employer subsidizing our coverage, our premium was cut in half, and we had a better plan. That was money in our pockets — on top of the fact that he was making more money.

I swear, one of the biggest disappointments of the divorce was the prospect of going back to being entirely responsible for my own health insurance.

Luckily, accepting a remote job with Student Loan Hero a year after the divorce helped the situation. I now work for a company that pays my entire health insurance premium. It’s a huge load off my budget and my mind.

Not everyone is fortunate enough to have an employer who pays the whole premium. However, your employer might be paying as much as 68% of your premium if you have health benefits, according to the Bureau of Labor Statistics. If you are paying $250 per month for your health benefits, there’s a good chance they cost as much as $368. That’s a savings of $118 a month. It’s like making an extra $1,416 a year.

Paid vacation days are totes amazing.

Get paid even while you aren’t at work? Yes, please!

If you can negotiate a package that allows you to take vacation days and still get paid for them, you are doing something right. It might be worth it to accept a little less in terms of salary if you don’t have to worry how you’ll make up the money for the days you missed to attend SXSW.

Many companies offer 14 days a year of paid vacation. Others might offer a little less or a little more. Check into how much paid vacation you get and see if you can negotiate a little more to make up for a slightly lower salary.

Even if you don’t get paid vacation days, some companies are willing to offer extra personal days (although you won’t get paid for these).

If you could take extra time off to live life, would you take it even if you aren’t getting paid? I would.

Just being able to take that time can be a huge relief. And, if you get into a side hustle, you can use some of that time off to potentially make money doing something you like more.

Don’t discount time off — paid or unpaid — when it comes to your job.

Nothing beats flexibility.

There is nothing — nothing — I value more than freedom and flexibility. Increasingly, companies are offering benefits that include flexible work schedules.

Thanks to technology, a number of jobs now come with location independence, and there are some companies that allow completely remote workers. I work for one of those companies myself. It’s an amazing perk that can be almost as valuable as another $10,000 a year.

Even if you don’t get to work in your jammies or from the coffee shop every day, you might be able to negotiate telecommuting privileges for two or three days a week or customize your schedule to come in earlier or later in the day. Being able to manage your schedule around your life is a big plus.

I have a friend who is willing to accept a little less in terms of salary because his employer allows him to work three 12-hour days a week. That means that he has four days off each week, and is still considered full-time and enjoys health benefits. That level of flexibility is worth $7,000 a year to him.

Is there a way for you to get some sort of concession like that? Maybe it’s coming in from 10 am to 6 pm. Or maybe it’s going in at 7:00 am to be done at 3 pm. Perhaps you just want a two-hour lunch break so you can go to the gym in the middle of the day, or meet your friends.

No matter what it is, the ability to boost your quality of life makes a huge difference in your job satisfaction and performance.

How fierce is your retirement plan?

No matter how much money you make, investing can help you prepare for the future.

The easiest way to invest is through your company’s retirement plan. Your money is automatically withheld from your paycheck and invested for the future.

And if your company’s plan is truly fierce, you’ll get an employer match. That’s free money that goes toward your future, building your retirement portfolio. It’s hard to beat that.

Companies that offer good retirement plan benefits can get a leg up in attracting talented workers. And you benefit as well. So what if you don’t get another $9,000 a year? The reality is that the value of a retirement plan with an employer match is worth way more than that. The free money that goes into your account and grows through the magic of compound returns ends up being worth waaaaay more than that in the long run.

Other epic benefits.

Companies are interested in attracting the best and the brightest, and if that’s you, there are plenty of other epic benefits that you might be able to enjoy at the right company — and that might be worth more than mere money:

On-site fitness center or a paid membership to a local gym
Meals in a cafeteria that serves actual food
Tuition reimbursement
Student loan repayment help
Career development and training resources
Equipment, such as a smartphone or a laptop
Attractive and diverse workspaces (including open offices, standing desks, and other innovative perks)

There are a number of companies willing to offer high-end perks, ranging from concerts to concierge services.

So, while you might not get a huge salary, you might end up with a better quality of life. What’s the point of having a big salary if you end up working 60 to 70 hours a week and you don’t have any time to enjoy the money?

The reality of salary vs. benefits.

Before you get hung up salary, think of your preferred lifestyle. Your life is going to such if you work 80 hours a week with no time for true enjoyment.

You might have a lot of money, but are you enjoying life now?

There’s more to life than work. There’s more to life than having a lot of money. We often see money as a status symbol, but does it help you live better? Will it help you develop more meaningful relationships?

When you think of your compensation package holistically, including the value of the benefits and the kind of life you can live, things change.

The right benefits can be worth more than a few thousand extra dollars per year.

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Remove the phone from in front of your face, and engage. Read More...

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Miranda Marquit

Everywhere I go, I have my phone.

It’s practically a part of me.

When I don’t have my phone with me, I feel stressed. What if I miss something?

It seems crazy, but it’s sort of a legit fear. I like to point to the time I missed a call from my son.

I left my phone at home by accident. While the phone was stuck at home, my son tried to call me. He needed to pick him up due to illness. I finally got him. Two hours after he called. The school nurse was not amused.

This works as a “reason” to be obsessed with keeping my phone nearby. I can just tell everyone my sob story about how my son was sick that one time.

But let’s be honest: most of us are just addicted.

Are you addicted to your phone?

What you do — and seeing who acknowledges you — on social media is addictive.

When you see the likes, the messages, the replies, and all the signs that someone sees what you’re doing (and perhaps approves?), the rewards centers in your brain trigger.

In fact, your addiction to your mobile phone is probably due, in part, to the fact that you can enjoy a reward whenever you want just by checking your social media.

And it really can be addicting, with the brain patterns of compulsive social media use remarkably similar to the brain patterns of drug addicts.

Part of that is by design. Facebook engineers built the platform to suck you in and take up your time and energy. All the social media platforms are designed, in some way, to take up your headspace and encourage you to maximize your time there.

In fact, you aren’t really considered a user or a consumer. You are the product. Social media networks sell your information to other parties. Additionally, they make money off advertising that delivers you to businesses and others.

It’s not just about the addiction, though. I noticed that I experience life better when I’m not totally attached to my phone. Moving away from the phone as my default allows me to experience life more fully.

Now that I’m making a conscious effort to step away from the phone, including time to unplug on the weekends and evenings and to put my phone in DND mode at night (with the exceptions of my parents, my son, and my ex), my life has improved dramatically.

Here are 5 good reasons to unplug at least some of the time — so your phone doesn’t run your life:

1. Boost your creativity.

When you’re constantly consuming media, you aren’t creating anything. And you don’t have to be creative all the time. I specialize in writing uncreative non-fiction. My attempts at fiction suck.

But I still take time to try my hand at creative efforts, including music and sad attempts at fiction. I’ve even started adult coloring. And I never really liked coloring. I also crochet, even though I’m useless at anything more complicated than a scarf. But I find these efforts oddly satisfying.

Creativity is a process. Our creative “muscles” can strengthen or weaken. When all you do is consume, consume, consume, your creative muscles atrophy.

Not only that, but creative endeavors can help you be a better problem solver and find innovative ways to move forward. It’s perfect if you want to be an entrepreneur. Creativity is one of the most important traits of a business owner. No matter how you slice it, you’ll improve in life and in your business with the help of creativity.

If you want to be more creative, put the phone down, and work on something else. Even if you don’t think you’re very good at it, it can offer you a huge boost when you stop letting your phone run your life.

You might be surprised at how the time flies, and at how you are less bored than you could have imagined.

2. Feel better about yourself.

Constantly checking your phone and being on Facebook can actually make you feel bad about yourself, and trigger feelings of envy. The problem is that you compare yourself with how others present themselves online.

That’s one of the most insidious things about social media and phone use. Standing in the grocery line? Check out what’s happening with your buddies on social media. And immediately feel like you’re missing out.

The reality is that, in many cases, people present idealized versions of themselves on social media. You are comparing yourself on your worst day to someone’s best day. That’s not a fair comparison, and it can lead to anxiety about how your life “should” be.

Don’t fall into that trap.

Spend some time away from your phone and put things into perspective. Recognize that there are some pretty great things about your life. It’s hard to do that when you’re obsessed with everyone else’s life.

3. Stillness is good for you.

Even if you aren’t using your phone for Facebook and other social media all the time, it can still cause serious problems in your life.

Are you constantly playing games? Do you check your phone, even if you don’t have messages?

In a world where distraction and stimulation are all around, stillness is falling by the wayside.

However, stillness can be beneficial. Do you ever just sit, without the need to accomplish anything? We consider boredom as the worst thing ever, but the truth is that our bodies need to recharge.

Meditation, good sleep, and just sitting and taking in life are all good for you. They help your mind. Plus, constant stimulation from your phone can add to feelings of anxiety and reduce your ability to contemplate your options calmly and make better decisions.

Put the phone away and sit in stillness. Meditation can help with this. You can even benefit from better sleep if you stop playing games or checking your email or reading on your phone or doing whatever it is you do before bed.

Stop letting your phone run your life, take in a little extra stillness, and unplug a couple hours before bed. You might be shocked at how much you better you feel about everything in your life.

4. Take back control of your time.

Who’s in charge?

You, or your phone?

Be honest. Do you have to answer every text immediately? Do you feel frazzled because there’s always a notification for a new email calling off your attention?

That’s not healthy behavior. Not only does it put you at the beck and call of your phone, it can also strain your relationships. What message does your child get if you’re always staring at your phone, getting distracted by the “ding” instead of paying attention to them?

What kind of message are you sending to your life partner when an Instagram notification is more important than they are?

You don’t have to let your phone run your life. You don’t have to answer every call or text immediately. Turn off the push notifications on your phone. That way, you won’t be distracted by feeling that you have all these things to do because Instagram or Facebook or your email are always intruding on your time.

Just turning off my push notifications changed how I feel about things. My son has his own text and phone alert tones and if I’m in the middle of something, I ignore the phone unless it’s my son. It was hard at first, but I find it empowering now.

Today, we expect instant responses from everyone, and we think we have to respond instantly as well. That’s just not true. You can control your time. You don’t have to let your phone control your time and attention.

5. Experience life.

When I attended my son’s first fencing tournament, I was so engrossed that I didn’t take a single picture.

At first, I felt bad, but then I realized that I had paid better attention to him because I wasn’t fumbling around with my phone. I could give all my attention to him, and truly experience it because I saw it with my own eyes.

I don’t record recital performances, either.

Usually, when I go to a game or a concert, or even see a new vista in nature, I take a few pictures first thing. I get the pictures out of the way so I can fully enjoy the rest of the time.

The truth is that life doesn’t look the same when viewed through the phone. The phone gets in the way. I like taking pictures. I like having them. But I try to get it out of the way at the beginning of any event so that I can fully experience it going forward.

Don’t miss out on life.

Instead of letting your phone run your life, put it down and experience your life.

This doesn’t mean you can’t get rid of your phone and never use it again ever. Like so many things in life, this isn’t an either/or proposition. Instead, it’s about moderation. It’s about recognizing that, while your phone is an amazing device that can do a lot of good, it’s not a replacement for actual life.

It can’t replace true experiences, and it can’t replace the people you love. So, use it. It’s a tool. But it’s not the same thing as actually living.

There’s a lot going on around you. There are so many amazing people to connect with.

But when you let your phone run your life, whether you are constantly checking for messages or trying to accomplish something in Bejeweled, you really are missing out.

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Miranda Marquit

“Sarene had never married — it was illogical to believe two people could remain compatible for a lifetime …” (Robert Jordan, Lord of Chaos, pg. 489).

Even if you know that your person and you will both change over time, the reality is that you don’t get married expecting a divorce.

Almost no one does. Even if you sign a pre-nup, chances are you don’t really plan to divorce. It’s just a precaution.

Unfortunately, sometimes a divorce is just the way things shake out.

Divorce almost always comes as a surprise — to at least one of the parties.

Even though I had noticed some incompatibilities between my husband and me over the years, it was a shock to me when he asked for a divorce.

I was truly surprised. In fact, even though we’d had some problems over the years, I thought we were working through them better. Things had seemed smooth for a while. Then, one day as we were making plans for some quality time together during the coming week, he just sort of blurted out that he wanted to split.

I felt hurt and betrayed and a number of other emotions. As was natural.

But those feelings didn’t stop me from deciding that it was important to learn how to divorce like an adult — and do it quickly for the sake of our son and our own sanity.

Let it out and let it go.

You don’t have to bottle everything up when you divorce like an adult. I cried every morning for two weeks. One day, I lost it and went on a rage-fueled, profanity-laden tirade at my husband. That was the least adult interaction we had, and he was gracious through it all, letting me get it out and apologizing that his choices put us in this situation. (Our son was nowhere near, which was important.)

After letting it all out that time, I realized that I also had to let go. Let go of the hurt and anger and sadness, and replace it with purpose. It’s not always easy, even two and half years later.

Sometimes I feel angry or upset. There are times I feel a little bitter when I think about what should have been my life. I look at the things I’ve had to accept and do and settle for because of this situation, and I feel angry. But I acknowledge those feelings and let them go.

Besides, I look around and realize that I have a pretty great life right now. It’s not perfect (whose life really is, anyway?), but the bitter feelings well up much less often than they used to. Time has helped. And so has letting go of the feelings after I’ve experienced them.

Being angry doesn’t help anyone, and it holds me back. Plus, it’s not healthy for my son to live with me if I’m negative. Letting go is one of the most important things you can when you are ready to divorce like an adult.

Your kids aren’t bargaining chips.

It’s tempting to bring the kids into the situation.

This is a terrible thing to do to the people you love.

Your kids need love and support — and they need to see a united front. Even when you are divorced, you still need to coparent. Just because I was angry at my ex, it doesn’t mean that he’s a bad person. He’s still my son’s father, and they need to have a good relationship.

Unless there is actual abuse involved (and you need to do what it takes to protect them), your children will be better off if you both act like grown-ups and are kind to each other.

My ex and I consult on major purchases related to my son. I’m not buying him a laptop until I discuss it with my ex, and we regularly talk about consequences, and school, and other parenting issues. Staying on the same page keeps the kids from playing you off of one another and helps them see that you can handle the situation like healthy adults.

Your friends aren’t bargaining chips, either.

The same is true of your friends. Don’t make them pick sides.

In the last couple of years since the divorce, my ex and I have done things together with friends. We went to a basketball game with one couple. We also got together with another group of friends for a New Year’s Eve party.

Don’t pump your mutual friends for info about your ex, either. While I’m pretty reserved in what I say to our mutual friends, I also acknowledge that he probably needs a safe place to go.

Besides, unless what my ex is doing will affect our son and those visits, it’s none of my business. He’s got his own life, and there’s no reason for me to pry. Especially if it will make things awkward with my friends.

Keep calm and communicate.

Other than The Incident, my ex and I talked calmly throughout the entire process, even doing our research to figure out how to divorce in the most cost-efficient manner.

It helps that we are both reasonable, grownass adults who aren’t trying to destroy other people’s lives.

We sat down and talked through what would be the best way for us both to get a fresh start. We were calm when talking about the issues, and when one of us started feeling stressed about it, we took a break to regroup.

Dragging it out and trying to “stick it” to the other person doesn’t help anyone. The only people that benefit are the lawyers. We saved money on the divorce by divvying everything up on our own, and acknowledging that we were both working toward the goal of a good start.

Do I sometimes wish that my ex’s desire for divorce didn’t come with the current results? Sure. Am I going to try to ruin his life? Nope.

I’ve got better things to do. Like get on with my own life.

Can you remain on good terms?

Learning how to divorce like an adult isn’t just about settling it like grownups and moving on. If you don’t have any of the same friends or you don’t have children together, you may never have to see your former S.O. again. And that’s cool if that’s the way you want it.

But I’ve got a child with my ex, and I have relationships with members of his family because we were married for 13½ years. So he’s part of my life. Permanently.

Actually, we’re pretty good friends. We text and talk regularly. Our relationship is the best it’s been in probably three years. The first Christmas after the divorce, when I went to collect my son after holiday time with dad, we got together with his parents and had dinner. Like normal families do. We also enjoyed a pretty kick-ass family vacation (just the three of us) to New York in July.

We’ve spent Christmas together since, and had some solid family time together during summer months. My ex even came and stayed a week with us here in Idaho.

While things are changing a bit as my ex gets involved with dating and I deal with a situationship, we still remain on friendly terms.

In fact, even though I won’t be staying over the summer for as long, we’re still planning a nice family dinner. I’ll be out there for business anyway, and my son is spending most of the summer with his dad, so we’ll all hang out for a day or two.

Real talk: divorce.

Divorce doesn’t have to be toxic and drama-filled. We seem to have this idea in society that divorce has to be terrible, and you have to go around trying to ruin each other’s lives.

Or we have this idea that someone is an awful person for asking for a divorce. But that’s not the case. Sometimes it just doesn’t work anymore. And because relationship dynamics are increasingly equal, there’s no reason to stick out a marriage if you’re unhappy.

Divorcing like an adult doesn’t mean that it will be all unicorns and rainbows. There are hard choices to make, and emotions can run high. It’s not fun.

But, at the same time, a divorce also doesn’t have to turn your life into a pit of despair. There are ways for you to approach the situation in a mature manner, and come up with a way to give you both the best potential start in your new lives.

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Miranda Marquit

Investing is one of those things that most of us stick in the “stuff I’ll have enough money to do later” file. We see investing as something you do when you aren’t broke af.

The best time to start investing is now, while you’re still young enough to recover from mistakes — and while you have time on your side. Even if you’re no longer “young,” you’ll never be younger than you are today, so investing belongs on today’s to-do list, not tomorrow’s.

It seems like a hopeless situation when you’re struggling with money right now. You know you should put your money to work, but you don’t have enough money to buy a couple hundred shares of Apple stock.

If you think you don’t have enough money to start investing, the good news is that you’re probably wrong. Even when you’re broke, you can still begin investing. It doesn’t take much to get started, and it’s also easier than you think.

Use a company retirement plan.

Now that you’ve got a real job, there’s a good chance that you have the option to contribute to a retirement plan offered by your employer. Many of us don’t think of putting money in a 401(k) as investing, but it is. There’s no substitute for good benefits, and if your company offers a plan, jump on it.

Talk to HR, and have some of your money diverted to a 401(k). If your company offers a match, that’s free money that you can use to invest. You won’t miss what you never see, which is why an automatic contribution from your paycheck is one of the best strategies when you want to invest when you’re broke. You won’t even miss the money from your paycheck. Just put away a small percentage of your paycheck to start —5% — or even 1%.

Your paycheck will be a smidge smaller but you won’t even notice — until you get those quarterly statements that show you how you’ve saved without realizing it.

Make dollar-cost averaging your bae.

The idea behind dollar-cost averaging is that you take a set amount of money each month (and you can start investing with as little as $25 or even less with WealthSimple) and invest it. Buy as many shares as you can with that money. Dollar-cost averaging is especially effective when you use your money to purchase low-cost index mutual funds or ETFs.

Here’s an example: With a regular paycheck going to a regular checking account, set up a plan at WealthSimple to automatically invest just $10 every paycheck. It adds up quickly, but you’ll barely notice it.

Indexing FTW.

Index funds and ETFs take all the work out of picking stocks. You get access to a section of the market, so the diversification is taken care of and you don’t have to worry about what happens when you choose wrong. I’m boring as hell when it comes to investing because I’m still into indexing. It’s how I roll.

If you’re putting money aside in a 401(k) from your paycheck, you’re already dollar-cost averaging — and probably indexing to boot.

If your company doesn’t have a retirement plan, you can still open your own. Many companies will let you open an IRA and put in as little as $50 per month (or even less). Make it automatic and you won’t have to think about it. I also like using Betterment to help me reach my goals. If you have $100 per month to invest, this can be a great way to get started.

Over time, you’ll grow your portfolio through consistency.

DRIP it up.

I like to invest in index funds and ETFs that pay dividends and automatically invest them. Many brokers and companies offer DRIPs, or plans that take dividends paid out to you and automatically use the money to buy additional shares.

Investing in dividends makes sense because dividends are payouts companies make based on the number of shares you own.

Use DRIPs to automatically buy more shares, and your next payout is larger. You can buy more shares and then get a bigger payout. It’s a beautiful cycle. My decision to use dollar-cost averaging with DRIP funds is the reason that my portfolio kept growing, even during the Great Recession.

You can find out more by watching this Facebook live on how to invest using dividends.

TBH, DRIPs seem pointless at first, especially if you invest when you’re broke. Who cares if you got a 20-cent payout? With automatic reinvesting, though, the cycle continues and eventually, as you stick with the dollar-cost averaging to buy more shares, and as your payouts get bigger, everything builds on itself.

It’s all about building a foundation and being consistent. As you put into practice these strategies TOGETHER, you are likely to see results over time.

Use your pocket change.

If you are absolutely certain that you can’t spare $50 a month for investing, consider using Acorns.

This app connects to your bank account and automatically rounds up your recent purchases and puts the difference in an investment account. The fees aren’t my favorite, but if you aren’t investing at all, and this will get you started, it’s better than nothing.

And once you get the hang of setting money aside, the next step is to open a Roth IRA at a brokerage — one that will result in fewer overall fees.

Commit to your money.

Once you start investing, look for ways to invest more. Don’t forget to increase the amount you invest as you earn more and climb the career ladder.

The spare change you invest now won’t completely fund your future. But it will give you a good start and help you start a habit that can benefit you for the rest of your life.

4 easy ways to start investing right now.

Even if you’re broke af, you can start investing today. Here are a few recommended actions you can take immediately, even if you don’t think you have spare change.

WealthSimple.

WealthSimple arrived in the United States after its success in Canada, and its strength is its cost. When you’re starting out with investing, you don’t want fees digging into your profits.

There’s no charge to transfer money from a bank account into your WealthSimple account. I started out with a $10 weekly investment, but you could start with $5 a month if you want, or if that’s all you can afford right now.

And there’s a special deal right now. If you open an account, you will receive a $50 bonus. Open an account today and get that $50.

When you sign up, you fill out a short questionnaire to determine how your money should be invested using a mix of exchange-traded funds — one of the most frugal ways to invest in stocks and bonds. You can accept their suggestions —and if you’re new to investing, that’s what we would suggest you do — or change them to suit your tastes if you have a little more experience with investing.

If your account stays under $5,000, you will not be charged any fee for the first year. Above or after that, the management fee is a small 0.5% — though, if you find yourself with more than $100,000 invested, they’ll reduce your fee to 0.4%. This is a great deal when it comes to investing, especially if you’re starting out with just a little bit of cash to invest.

LendingClub.

If you’re open to a different kind of approach to investing, take a look at LendingClub. Rather than investing in stocks and bonds, you’re investing in loans. The returns are similar to stocks, and the risk is managed. The only drawback is that your investment is a little less liquid. That means if you need the money you’ve invested in an emergency situation, it might be hard to withdraw immediately. (That’s why it’s always best to have an emergency fund.)

LendingClub helps you pick out the best investments and gives you a good idea of what you can expect to return. You can use your investment to create an income stream. There’s a higher minimum investment of $1,000, but you can save up in a savings account until you are ready to start. After that, you can increase your investment with only $25.

Open an account with LendingClub today.

Ally Invest.

Ally Invest is a discount brokerage with truly low prices. Yes, the $4.95 fee per trade will cut into your profits if you invest small amounts in stocks or ETFs. If you want to invest frequently, WealthSimple mentioned above might be a better option, though your investment selection is limited. On the other hand, Ally Invest really lets you take control of your investments. There’s less guidance, but more flexibility.

Ally Invest used to be known as TradeKing, which made its name as one of the most popular discount online brokerages.

Open an account with Ally Invest today.

Betterment.

This is one of the godfathers of robo-investing. Betterment uses ETFs to help you reach your goals through asset allocation. You’ll be asked questions about your objectives, and your time frame. I love Betterment and use it to save for retirement, as well as to save up for travel.

You don’t need a ton to get started investing with Betterment, and your account comes with free automatic rebalancing and tax loss harvesting, if applicable. I also like how easy it is to adjust your investments for new goals. Plus, with the IRA, you have the option to have Betterment figure out how to max it out each year.

Open an account with Betterment today.

Learn how to invest and get started today.

There are three great options above for getting started with your investment portfolio. One of the great things about these options is that you can take advantage of time-tested strategies used by the best investors in the world.

Get started, and then learn more about investing. While I mostly stick to indexing, after I got started just putting something away, I discovered that I could learn more about investing and experiment a little. Now, I invest in REITs, and occasionally try the odd cryptocurrency. You don’t want to stake your future on these types of investments, but as you learn, you can try new things with “extra” money.

Every adult should have an investment account, and every adult should invest for their future, regardless of how difficult it might feel to let go of even $1 of cash today.

Your future you will thank your today you. All you need to do is just take one simple step forward today — even if it’s not a huge step.

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Miranda Marquit

“Follow your bliss.”

“Do what you love, and you’ll never work a day in your life.”

What does any of that mean?

Sure it would be nice to just hang out having fun and making money for doing whatever. The reality, though, is that most of us have to work for a living.

Besides, even if we love what we do, some days are just crappy. As much as I enjoy writing, there are days I just don’t really “feel” it.

But I do it anyway because I like eating, and I think my son should wear clothing to school. Does the fact that some days aren’t bliss-filled and there are times I have to write shit I don’t care about mean I’m on the wrong path?

Of course not.

You’re not supposed to be in a state of blissful happiness 24/7. If you were in that state all the time, it would cease to be bliss. Once it becomes normal, there’s really no point. It’s the ups and downs that make those precious moments worthwhile.

The real key is figuring out what your bliss happens to be and then incorporating that bliss in your life.

That’s the journey I’m on right now. Rather than setting a bunch of quasi-meaningless goals for the new year, I’m making this a time of exploration for me. What do I want my purpose in life to be? How can I figure it out so I can follow my bliss?

Map it out: What does your bliss look like?

If you want to follow your bliss, the first step is to think about what it looks like. And be honest: would you really be happy lying on a beach somewhere doing nothing all the time? I know I wouldn’t be.

In fact, most of us don’t want to be stuck doing nothing. There’s a reason research indicates that early retirement can lead to an earlier death. There might be a correlation between not having a purpose after you quit work and a premature death. While there’s still plenty of research to be done, and the data isn’t conclusive, you can see why losing your purpose might mean mental and physical health problems.

But I’m not anywhere near retirement. I just want to figure out what matters to me so I can follow my bliss on a more regular basis.

So, inspired by Harlan’s life map, I created my own.

I named my map “Living with Passion and Purpose” because I decided that my bliss involves things that allow me to follow some of my passions while also living with a sense of purpose.

Many of us like to feel as though we can make a difference. Chances are when you think about how to follow your bliss, part of that is working in a capacity that allows you to help people, whether that means volunteering or cultivating career opportunities that allow you to feel as though you are contributing to something worthwhile.

You can figure out what your own bliss looks like by going through the exercise of creating a life map as well. Sit down and think about the kinds of things you would be doing for work and in your leisure time if you were able to follow your bliss.

One of the reasons that phrases like “follow your bliss” get so much play is due to the fact that, for most of us, money isn’t the driver that makes life interesting.

Here is what Rosabeth Moss Kanter at Harvard discovered about what makes work worth doing:

In research for my book Evolve!, I identified three primary sources of motivation in high-innovation companies: mastery, membership, and meaning. Another M, money, turned out to be a distant fourth. Money acted as a scorecard, but it did not get people up-and-at ‘em for the daily work, nor did it help people go home every day with a feeling of fulfillment.

Where does money fit when you follow your bliss?

Money is on my life map, but mostly as a subject I write and podcast about — as well as the Thing that allows me to follow all my other interests.

In order to fulfill the items at the base of Maslow’s hierarchy pyramid, money is necessary. You can’t buy food, water, or shelter without money. Even on the second level up, with safety needs, some sort of funds are necessary.

You can’t keep moving up the pyramid without the basics that often have to be bought. And, even as you progress up the pyramid, money can help you feel other things. I like to use money as a means to my ends. Many of the activities I have on my life map — items like travel and providing opportunities for my son — require money.

But I don’t like earning money just to have moar money.

Chances are that money isn’t your main motivator, either. Even if you don’t have same passions I do or hope to impact the world around you in the same way (I prefer small-scale, local efforts), you are probably motivated by something other than just piling up the benjamins in your bank account.

Add bits of bliss to your life.

Once you know what your bliss looks like, you can start adding it to your life. It doesn’t mean that you have to drop everything you’re doing right now to follow bliss. You can start looking for meaning in what you do, even if it is a crappy job.

Find other ways to add purpose to your life. Start a side gig. Volunteer. Take music lessons. Play with your kids. Netflix and chill. Join a book club. Spend the night in a hotel. Look for a way to make a small change that adds to your quality of life.

A few years ago, when I felt trapped in my life, I made time to take guitar lessons. For half an hour each week, I met with a teacher. I practiced for 15 to 20 minutes each day.

Is that enough to become a good guitar player? Nope. But it’s enough to find some enjoyment and passion in the day, learn something new, and get to the point where I can accompany other people. It wasn’t much, but it added something to my life — a spark of joy.

Today, I still like to get out the guitar on occasion. Just like I enjoy playing the piano. I’ve also added short, 10-minute lessons with Duolingo. I purposely carve out a half hour for lunch to read a chapter in a novel while I eat.

These are simple things that don’t take a lot of time. However, they bring a bit of bliss into my daily life. They give me a sense that I don’t always have to be involved in the daily grind or working on something productive. Sometimes it’s okay to just live.

Little by little, reduce the amount of time you spend on things that don’t bring you happiness and shift toward what adds purpose and passion to your life.

Don’t expect everything to change at once.

It would be great to snap your fingers and have everything figured out. But that’s not how it works. In fact, it can take months — and even years — to finally shift all the pieces of your life.

You don’t have to upend your life to follow your bliss. And you don’t have to stop what you’re doing just because you have a bad day.

However, you can make a plan. Use your life map as a guide to figure out which areas you want to focus on first. Consider how you can create a new career strategy that allows you to gradually change course and love your work.

Slowly find time to yourself, doing what you want. Maybe it means finding five minutes to do yoga or scheduling 20 minutes to read each day. I recently added exercise to my calendar. It’s something that is now blocked out and I’m committed to it. While it’s not exactly my bliss, I do feel better when I exercise and I also expect to reap the health benefits.

Your life will never be absolutely perfect. But it can be pretty damn good.

Look for the little ways to enjoy life, and you’ll be surprised at how it all adds up until eventually you really do get to live the life you (mostly) want.

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Miranda Marquit

We need other people in our lives. Your crew is a big part of your emotional health. If your device is getting all the attention you should be giving to your friends and family or if you feel like you have a lot of acquaintances but no real friends, you might want to think about how you can create closer ties with the people in your life.

Our social interactions make us happier, and developing deep, meaningful relationships with people lead to feeling support and even greater happiness. This doesn’t mean that you need to try to become besties with everyone you meet. But you can work to create deeper relationships with a few people you really enjoy being around. (As an introvert, I am more comfortable when I limit the number of deep friendships I have.)

So, don’t assume that you’re having a good time with someone when you’re both staring at your individual screens. Make an effort to be present for the people in your life.

Put down the phone.

Reduce textual intimacy.

Your first step is to stop using text as much and actually connect in person — or at least via voice. I love texting as much as the next person. It’s easy and you can avoid a person or put them off. Plus, you can respond slower, reviewing your words before firing off.

Text messaging has given so many of us a way to communicate with less social awkwardness. There’s a reason I work online. There’s a reason I ask people to shoot me an email or text instead of calling me. It’s because it’s an amazing communication tool that puts a bit of distance between you and others.

While all of this is great, the reality is that texting has made it easier to avoid people and their emotions. Want to break up with someone? Send a text and block their number. You can avoid the emotional consequences. Telling your bestie something difficult? Texting means you may have the guts to say something hurtful that you would never say to someone’s face.

Rather than relying on texting (or Facebook messaging) to keep in touch, spend some time talking on the phone, using Skype, or seeing each other in person. And, while you’re doing this, put the phone down. Be present. Don’t be clicking around on the web while Facetiming. Don’t play a game on your phone while you speak with someone.

Textual relations might be easier to manage, but that distance means that you could be missing out on something harder, but worth it.

Listen.

One of the issues with our soundbite culture is that we’re always looking for the next quip. On top of that, we often want our turn to talk. My 15-year-old son used to barely contain himself when he had something to say, and that meant he was often busy trying to figure out what he would say next, without really listening to me.

Now, though, he’s become a much better listener. And, to my chagrin, I sometimes find myself absent-mindedly listening to him, rather than actively listening. I’m renewing my efforts to pay attention to my son so that he can tell that I actually care what he says — and I do care about what he has to say.

The more you listen, the more you are likely to care about someone. And they will appreciate your effort.

Listening is one of the keys to meaningful relationships. It forces you to pay attention to the other person and usually results in boosting your empathy. Your buddy will appreciate your effort to listen, and you’ll have a willing ear for your own issues. Just the act of sharing these thoughts can help you develop meaningful relationships that go below the surface.

Laugh.

Laughter really is the best medicine. When you can laugh with (not at) someone, you are more likely to build stronger ties. Research indicates that laughter can foster an emotional connection and enhance positive feelings. If you can find some common things to laugh about, you are likely to have deeper relationships.

So, rather than having a chuckle at the videos on your phone, or searching through memes for a laugh, consider laughing with the people around you. There’s no need to develop an emotional relationship with your phone. Instead, see if you can find something fun to do with someone you love. You’ll laugh, develop a better relationship, and ultimately be happier.

Don’t be so judgy.

We all have our unique quirks. If you’re constantly judging others for their issues, no one will want to hang with you. Plus, you’ll have a harder time seeing others’ good qualities. You can’t really understand someone and get to know him or her when you are too busy passing judgment.

And, unfortunately, being on the phone all the time can mean judgment. Are you always looking at someone’s Instagram feed and then making judgments about them?

Too often, we react to what we see on social media or through the camera lens, rather than getting to know those around us on a more personal level. Let go of preconceived notions, and the picture you see on social media. Really get to know your friends and family. You might be surprised to find that you understand them better, and are less willing to judge harshly.

You’ll be happier by accepting others— and you’ll be the kind of person people want to get to know.

Follow up with potential besties.

It can feel vulnerable to put yourself out there and make a move. Whether you are inviting a friend to the movies, asking your brother to hang out with you, or trying to get with someone, following up can feel like defeat. You don’t want to look desperate.

Sometimes, it’s hard to be the one to ask for an activity. It’s easier to just scroll through the latest on Twitter. But that won’t get you out there, making connections with potential friends, or strengthening relationships with people you already like.

When you have a teenager, you risk rejection all the time. What teen boy wants to play a board game with his mom? And sometimes I’m tired and I just want to read a book using my Kindle app and let him just peruse Imgur on his phone. But I suck it up and ask anyway. And, to my surprise, he says yes 80% of the time. We have great conversations while we play board games or Magic.

If you like someone, and you want to be friends or more, put it on the line. Follow up. You’ll show your interest, and it might be the beginning of something really cool. Waiting and making excuses only means that you miss out on the potential for meaningful relationships.

Like yourself.

Before you can have a meaningful relationship with anyone, from your mom to your bae, you need to like yourself. Take the time to get to know who you are, and learn to feel confident in that. When you like yourself, you are less likely to use passive-aggressive tactics on others.

Studies indicate that spending a lot of time on social media can lead to poor mental health outcomes. You can feel worse about yourself — and be reluctant to put yourself out there in relationships.

So, put down the phone and improve your relationship with YOU. Think about what you like. Engage in activities that allow you to explore your talents and passions. Get out and volunteer or find a cause. Sometimes we use our phones to distract ourselves from what we don’t like about who we are. Rather than getting into a relationship with your phone, know who are and be happy with that person.

Then, you’ll be in a better place to be happier with others.

Deeper, happier relationships require effort and time. Put down the phone, make eye contact, and watch your relationships mature beyond textual intimacy.

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Sure, moving back home is a great way to save money after college. But at some point you need to suck it up and move out. Read More...

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Miranda Marquit

One of the best ways to save money is to live with your parents. Food and shelter are provided, and you probably have internet access as well. As someone who has been going over to my mom’s to print stuff out for the last three weeks, I know the seduction of access to free services.

At some point in the next week or so, though, I need to suck it up and buy a printer cartridge. And at some point in the near future, you need to move out of your parents’ house.

While your parents might be willing to let you stick around for a little longer, it’s really not the best option for long-term success as an adult. At some point, it’s time to move out. Even if your parents are charging you rent (it’s probably below market rate) and expect help with chores, eventually you need to leave the nest.

If you aren’t sure it’s really time for you to get a place of your own, here are seven clues the (mostly) free ride is over:

1. You can afford your own place.

It might require a little sacrifice on your part, but if you can afford your own place, it’s time to move out. Even if you need a roommate to help you afford your first place, it’s time to move out when you have the money to take care of your own needs.

Research the local housing market. What are the rents? Look at estimated utilities. How much are groceries? If you are worried that you can’t afford all those costs, take your new budget for a test drive. Set aside what you’d pay for rent, utilities, and groceries in a savings account. If you can manage your budget with comfort for at least four months, you should definitely leave your parents’ house.

2. Conversations devolve into arguments.

Does it feel like every conversation you have with your parents devolves into an argument? As long as you live in someone else’s home, they feel they have the right to tell you how to do things. And they aren’t too far off. If you feel that you’re always arguing with your parents, it’s time to move out. Get that distance, and you might be surprised at how much your relationship with your parents improves.

This sign is less about your ability to manage your money outside your parents’ home and more about the emotional situation. It’s all about preserving the most important relationships in your life.

3. You have too much stuff.

Tired of trying to cram everything into a single bedroom? Even though I lived in a campus dorm three years out of four, I still ended up with more stuff than could reasonably fit in a bedroom at my parents’ house. When you have your own TV, computer, furniture (spare as it might be), and other trappings that make it hard to fit everything into your old bedroom, it’s probably time to move out.

And let’s engage in a little real talk. It’s not your parents’ job to store your shit in their basement or garage. My parents were ecstatic the day I took the last of my boxes down from the attic and carted it off to my own storage space. Don’t take over your parent’s home with your junk. Either pare down your belongings or move out. At the very least, get your own storage unit.

4. You’re ready for the next chapter.

One of the biggest clues it’s time to move out is that you’re ready for the next chapter. It’s practically impossible to feel like you’re moving on with your life — and becoming your own person — when you’re living with your parents and still (sometimes) being treated like a kid instead of an adult.

When you find yourself stagnating in your life, it’s time to move forward. Just moving out can help you get out of your life rut. It can energize and help you feel more grown up. After all, you’re taking care of business.

Besides, moving out and starting the next chapter doesn’t mean that you’re going ignore your parents. My son and I go to my parents’ for Sunday dinner every week, even though I’m pretty self-sufficient. You don’t have to leave your family behind just because you’re moving on with your life.

5. Lack of privacy.

Can’t bring bae home to chill because it’s awkward? Do you have to walk outside in the freezing cold when you take a call? Does it feel like your parents are staring at you every time you leave your room? Are you expected to come out of your room and socialize regularly? You need your own space.

As you get older, you have a chance to be you. Living in a place where you can’t just let loose cramps your style, and it doesn’t help you develop into a fully functioning adult. We all need those private moments.

6. The rules are getting to you.

You want to be treated like an adult, but you feel like all the rules make you feel like a kid? It’s time to move out. You’re living in someone else’s house, and that means they make the rules.

After college, it’s hard to come back and worry about how late you stay out and what you’re doing with “me” time. Tired of living by their rules? Figure out what it takes to move and get your own place. Then you make the rules.

7. Your parents are dropping hints.

It’s not always about you and your needs and wants.

At some point, your parents are likely to want you to move out. My mom considered it a mark of success when we could get out of the house and mostly “make it” on our own. If your parents are dropping heavy hints, like sending you Craig’s List ads for rentals, it’s time to move out. The biggest clue, though, is when your parents start charging you rent. If you’re paying rent to live in your childhood bedroom, you’re not adulting.

Take the next step.

While it can be scary to move out and make it on your own, it’s something you can handle. Start by making a reasonable budget and seeing what you can afford. Save up a little so that you are ready to make the move. Let your parents know your plans and see if they can offer some support.

And, once you’re out, keep up the relationship with your parents. They have helped you for a couple decades. Maintain those family ties, and be ready to help them when they need it.

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